Fall Of The Night
by Mabel Marsters
Summary: Three months after that final battle in "Not Fade Away", a lucky break leads Giles and Andrew to someone they thought was surely lost forever. In the midst of heartache and trials fraught with revenge and the consequences, can true love find it's way?
1. Chapter 1

THE FALL OF THE NIGHT

By Mabel Marsters

The action takes place post season 7 BtVS and season 5 Angel (who am I to interfere with what went before?)

Most of the characters are Joss Whedon's. The story is my own. Some quotes are taken directly from BtVS or Angel.

Giles and Andrew are in London at the Watcher's Council's new HQ.

Willow and Kennedy have split up but both are still in South America.

Xander is in Africa.

Buffy and Dawn are in Rome. Buffy is no longer with the Immortal.

The story picks up 3 months after 'Not Fade Away' (Angel season 5 last episode).

**Chapter One**

**St David's Hospital, LA**

The nurses worked efficiently and in almost total silence, only the slap of their white shoes giving them away. Their quietness was in deference to the seriously ill or injured patients they tended. The patients themselves were either asleep or unconscious, the occasional moan sounding loud in the night.

All the patients had charts at the bottom of their beds, giving their details and indicating when next medicines could be given. All except one………

A pretty nurse, dark haired and slim, went over to check the patient in the last bed on the right, the furthest from the door to the ward. She picked up the chart with 'John Doe' written boldly across the top. She checked the time with the watch pinned to the front of her uniform and went to adjust the flow of the intravenous drip, currently the sole source of sustenance for the bed's occupant.

The patient didn't stir, the readouts on the monitors next to the bed giving the only indication of life. His face was deathly pale but looked almost serene as he lay there. He has been there for the past three months, ever since the night of that amazing storm. Chaos had reigned that night and many people paid the price - some were still paying.

"_Who are you?"_ wondered the nurse, not for the first time.

"_Why does no one miss you? Surely they would have checked the hospitals and even with the problems with communications that that night caused, three months is way too long for them not to have found you."_

She lingered by the bed, reluctant to leave although he wasn't aware she was there. There'd been no change in him since he was brought in. The wounds and bones had healed, stitches long since removed, but his level of consciousness hadn't altered. He was in a deep coma. The longer it went on, the less likely recovery was.

She reached out and touched the scar running in a line from his hairline down his forehead to his left eyebrow, slightly puckering the lid of his left eye. The scar would be permanent, although not as livid as it once was. It would always be there to remind him of that fateful night should he ever awaken from his self-induced sleep.

"The brain's way of giving itself chance to heal" the doctor had said in response to the nurse's questions. Questions she felt she had to ask since he had no one else to ask them.

She was drawn to this silent man, intrigued about his life, wondering what had led him to get caught up in the devastation that was caused in that part of LA.

She remembered the first time she'd seen him. All off duty nurses and doctors were called in after the offices of the giant law firm Wolfram & Hart had been reduced to rubble along with a couple of blocks on either side of it. No one really knew what happened to cause such an explosion. The storm that raged? Terrorists? Neither had been ruled out. Even the survivors of the law firm didn't seem to care, they just left town saying there were no plans to rebuild. But for the torrential rain helping fire fighters put out the blazes, half of Los Angeles would probably have been wiped out.

He'd been found in an alley not far from the centre of the explosion, half buried under rubble. His rescuers expected it to be another body to add to their grim tally. In fact he technically was dead on arrival at the hospital. The nurse's first glimpse of him was as he was wheeled through to the ER with a team of paramedics working on him. She'd been called away from a family get-together as she was part of the external disaster team. She'd raced after them, taking over pumping his chest to try to get his heart to beat. His blood was everywhere. At the time it was difficult to tell where he was hurt, apart from the head wound which gaped open, the bone beneath shining white through all the gore.

The team of medics threw everything they had at him in their attempts to revive him, determined not to let another fall victim to that night. The nurse was exhausted and the doctor was just saying that they'd better stop, that it was hopeless, when it happened. A beep, then two, then the regular rhythm of a beating heart was shown on the screen. The line rose and fell to the sound of a series of beeps, one of the best sounds an Emergency Room team can hear. Then there was a gasp from the patient as his breathing started again. Instead of calling his time of death, the doctor called for him to be rushed into the OR to be operated on. The head wound took priority over his other injuries which included a badly broken left leg and arm, most likely occurring when the building collapsed into the alley

ooooooooooo

"Helen!" the name rang out shrill across the silent ward.

The nurse jumped, startled out of her reverie, guiltily looking over to the woman who called her.

"Are you going to stand there all night? There are others in need of your attention."

Helen sighed and gave a last glance towards the recumbent man, lightly stroking his arm.

"I'll stop by again later, after my shift" she whispered as she left his side to continue her rounds.

oooooooooooo

**Watchers Council Apartment, London**

Giles replaced the telephone to its cradle and put his glasses down on the table beside it. He wearily ran a hand over his face. It'd been a long day, to be more accurate it'd been a long few months. He couldn't remember when he'd last felt so tired. Even the battle with The First hadn't left him so drained. Maybe that was because he hadn't been feeling so much guilt then.

He recalled the conversation he'd just had with Buffy. As usual his Slayer (he still thought of her in those terms despite the fact that there were now many chosen, not just one ,and the fact he hadn't been her Watcher for a long time) was expecting him to work miracles.

"What do you mean you have no news? How can there STILL be no news? Are you even trying to find out?" she'd shouted.

That had stung him. That was where the guilt kicked in, ensuring his sleep would once again be riddled with nightmares.

When Angel had called asking for help, he'd refused. He refused to let Willow help and he refused to contact Buffy. He did this because of the involvement of Wolfram & Hart.. As far as he was concerned once Angel had crossed the threshold of that evil law firm he was on his own. Andrew's experience with Angel when locating the deranged slayer Dana, did not convince Giles that Angel was still on the side of the hopeless and the good. He may not have reverted to being Angelus but no way could that place fail to corrupt. But it looked like he'd been wrong, seriously wrong. Like the time he'd conspired with Robin Wood to kill Spike. A plot that if it'd been successful would have probably meant the end of the world since, without Spike to bear the amulet, the battle would have been lost. As it was, the power of the ensouled vampire and the amulet destroyed the Hellmouth and destroyed The First.

So far he'd found no trace of Angel and his team. The team was made up of two humans, Wesley Wyndham-Price and Charles Gunn, Spike, who'd somehow been transported back to Angel within the amulet he'd worn as he died in the Hellmouth, first as a ghost then one day mysteriously being made corporeal again, Lorne, an empath demon from Pylea and Illyria, an ancient god. He had, however, found indications that they'd brought down Wolfram & Hart – well, the LA branch, anyway.

He also felt guilt at the secret he and Andrew had kept from the others - that of Spike being alive - but Andrew had insisted Spike wanted it that way. He'd said he'd get around to telling them all in his own time and in his own way. Only now he never could.

There was nothing else he could do from London so Giles decided to fly to LA to see if he could get more, well any, answers over there. Giles picked up the phone again and dialled the number from memory. Willow answered on the third ring.

"Giles!" the delight in her voice carried down the line, which was as clear as if she were just around the corner rather than halfway around the world.

"What's up? You just caught me. I'm heading out to meet with a local coven and find out any gossip."

" Erm, well, I called to ask a favour, Willow. Could you possibly come to London and oversee things whilst Andrew and I go over to LA to see if we have any more success in getting to the bottom of what's happened to everyone over there? I hate to ask…..

"Of course I will," interrupted Willow, " There's nothing much to keep to here. Things pretty well run themselves now. Plus Kennedy is still working here and can take over."

Giles heard her voice break a little over her ex-lover's name. Although they'd somehow managed to remain friends once they'd parted, it wasn't easy working so closely together.

"That's excellent. Thank you, Willow. Come as soon as you can."

"How's Buffy?" Willow asked the question he'd been dreading.

"Not doing so well," Giles replied, "You know how she hates not knowing. She likes to have answers. I really feel I've let her down."

"No way Jose," retorted Willow, "You weren't to know what Angel was up to. He was never the most forthcoming of vampires, was he? I'll be on the first flight I can. Don't worry about Buffy, she'll come round. You're her rock. She just gets all antsy when you can't tell her what happened or what she should do. The blow of losing Angel after seeing Spike burn in the Hellmouth is making her super cranky."

They said their goodbyes and hung up.

Andrew walked into the room. Giles was slumped in the armchair cleaning his glasses furiously - a pointless gesture since Andrew had never seen so much as a mote of dust on them. It was Giles' habit when things were getting bit too much for him.

"Come on, Giles, you need some rest." Andrew gently led him from the room, proud to be taking care of him rather than the other way round, which was more usual.

"But there's so much to do…."

"And it can be done in the morning," countered Andrew, "I'll book the flights for next week so we can get everything organised, then we'll see what we find in LA"

ooooooooo

**St David's Hospital LA**

The dark was absolute. Not a flicker or hint of light anywhere. But something was changing…….no outward signs changed but in the unidentified patient something stirred.

"Still no change," said the doctor as he examined the John Doe, lifting his eyelids and shining the beam of his torch across the eyes. "I'm starting to fear he's not going to regain consciousness at all."

Helen looked at the doctor in dismay.

"Is there nothing else we can do?"

"We've done all we can, but his heart was stopped for a long time. Who knows what damage that did. It's a shame no one has come forward for him. Perhaps he has nothing to live for, or no one to live for."

"Will it help if I sit with him?" asked Helen, "when I'm off duty," she quickly added as the doctor gave her an odd look.

"It won't do any harm but haven't you got better things to do when your shifts finish than sit with an unresponsive patient?"

The patient in question lay there as usual but something was filtering through. A sound, nothing that made sense, but something was penetrating the silence he endured.

Helen didn't answer the doctor's question. He smiled at her kindly, hoping she wouldn't get too attached, although he could see why she was drawn to him. Despite the scar he was a handsome man. He had been physically fit before his accident though now, even with the physiotherapy, his once honed muscles were withering.

"Talk to him Helen. There's evidence that coma patients can sometimes heat, but you need to prepare yourself that he may never come round."

"_Helen." _

Suddenly the strange jumbled noise in the patient's mind coalesced into a word. Helen. The rest of the doctor's words became clear. Like someone flicked a switch. John Doe could hear.

He tried to speak, to move, to let them know he had come round but he couldn't. He became aware of the beeps of the monitors, of the snores and groans of the others on the ward. He was starting to surface.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two **St. David's Hospital LA**

Helen sat with the patient for a couple of hours, reluctant to go home to another of her parents' get togethers. God, she hated them, hence the sitting at the bedside of a stranger. Too many people crammed into the apartment, too much noise, drink, too much everything! It was much better to keep out of the way.

As she sat she chatted away, telling the patient what she'd been doing that day and of her plans for the next weekend, (planning) which were to spend her days off at the beach enjoying the sun.

"_Sun"_ The word resonated in the patients mind. For some reason it brought fear.

The monitor's beeping increased in speed. Helen glanced across and noticed that his heart rate had fluctuated. She watched it settle down again.

"What was that about?" Helen asked the patient. "If you want to wake up you're going to have to do a bit better than that."

She took his right hand in hers, like she had so many times, to give a little squeeze as she stood to leave. This time though, as she let go, his hand didn't fall back to the bed. It held on! It was a weak but definite grip.

"Oh my God," whispered Helen, staring at their hands. She squeezed her fingers again and this time the pressure returned was a little stronger. She was torn between getting a doctor and staying with him. Staying won. How could she leave him now if he were to wake up? Plus at midnight doctors were pretty hard to find.

She sat back with a thump into her chair, scanning the monitors and the patient's face for further signs. The fingers of his left hand moved, tentatively at first, then clenched into a fist, his body becoming tense.

"It's ok, you're safe. You're alright," Helen crooned as if reassuring a baby. "I'm here, you're not alone."

He unclenched his fist and slowly, with effort, lifted his hand to his face, the fingers touching the scar on his forehead.

He opened his eyes. They looked grey and unfocussed but then cleared to a vivid blue and met the young nurse's gaze for the first time.

"Welcome back." She smiled, the corners of her brown eyes crinkling. "I think I'd better go get the doctor now."

She released his hand. His eyes followed her as she went round the bottom of the bed.

"Won't be long, don't worry," she said.

He opened his mouth to speak but all that came out was a croak.

"Don't try to speak - it's just the lack of use. You've been sleeping for quite a while."

He slightly shook his head, licked his lips and then tried again.

"Helen." It was a whisper of a whisper but he was rewarded with another lovely smile before Helen hurried off to call the doctor.

oooooooo

When Helen returned the patient was gazing at the monitors, hand over his heart, face troubled.

"The doctor will be here soon. Can you tell me your name now? I've known you quite a while without it."

He looked up at her.

"What……..? How……….? Angel………?" he managed to speak, the words barely formed.

Helen smiled down at him and took his hand in hers. Patients were often confused after waking from a coma. It wasn't the first time she'd been called an angel.

"It's been nearly three months since you were brought in on the night of the catastrophe the other side of town. Do you remember any of what happened to you before the wall fell on you?"

At her words a violent shudder went through the man lying on the bed. He tried to rise.

"Others…….got…….help……..Angel……….Illyria……….where are they?"

"Easy, easy. Calm down." Helen soothed, laying a hand on the man's shoulder. "Just try to relax. We'll worry about the rest later."

She stopped as the doctor arrived at the bedside. He was a huge man, his bulk disguising the delicate touch he had with his patients. With blond hair, fresh complexion and large hands he looked more suited to life on a farm than a city hospital. The doctor chatted away as he performed a few tests on the slight man.

"Gave us quite a scare you did. We didn't think we were ever going to get your heart started again."

The patient once more cast a troubled glance at the monitor indicating his pulse rate.

"_What the hell is going on?"_ His mind was racing._"Why am I here? How am I here?"_

The effort of trying to assimilate what had happened, where the others were, and why they kept going on about his heart, proved too much. With a relieved sigh he slipped back into unconsciousness.

Helen, alarmed, gripped his hand tightly.

"No! Stay with us!" she pleaded.

The doctor put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"It's okay, Helen. He's just fallen asleep, not back into a coma. It's amazing how tiring a coma can be. It's always a bit of a shock for them when they wake up." He smiled at the nurse, secretly wishing she'd look at him the way she looked at the patient. "He'll make more sense when he wakes up, I'm sure. Now go home and get some rest. You've been here nearly all night."

"But……."

"No, Helen, go. He'll still be here when you get back on duty this evening and we do have other nurses here, you know. He'll be cared for."

With a backward look at 'her' patient Helen agreed to leave. It made sense after all. She still didn't know his name but she felt she soon would.

Oooooooo

This time the patient's sleep wasn't dark, quiet and peaceful. It was wracked with dreams. Memories. He knew they were memories. Images flashed through his mind. Images of him attacking countless people, blood running down his chin as he feasted, laughing at their screams for mercy, biting harder and harder!

"_Who do you kill for fun around here? I'm Spike."_ Words he'd spoken to another he'd killed when asked his name. Killed despite being one of his own kind……a vampire!

Vampire. Spike tossed and turned in his sleep.

"Vampire," he groaned aloud.

A passing nurse paused at his bed watching as the patient moved restlessly, a sheen of sweat on his brow. She didn't hear his words.

New images flashed - images of a girl, beautiful with blonde hair falling to her shoulders, looking at him at first with desire and then with contempt.

"_And you wonder why I could never trust you?"_

"Oh God!" moaned Spike, face contorting at the memory.

The nurse bent closer to hear what he was saying.

"Rape……..I tried……Buffy….no, oh God no….."

The nurse stood up alarmed at what she'd heard.

"Helen's golden boy looks like he may not be as golden as she thought," she said to herself, having seen the young nurse often at his bedside. She made a mental note to tell the doctor what she'd heard, and walked away.

More images crashed into his mind. A demon placing his hand on Spike's chest, and the feel of pain coursing through his body.

"_I shall return your soul!"_

Spike tensed on the bed as he recalled the moment he became one of only two vampires in history to have a soul. One he'd sought and fought for to try to right the wrong he'd done to Buffy.

"Buffy," he whispered.

Then holding hands with her, his whole being glowing, hands aflame as the amulet released its power.

"_I love you." _

Words he'd wanted and hoped to hear for so long but still he couldn't stop. He couldn't leave with her – he had to finish it off. Close the Sunnydale Hellmouth once and for all, then maybe his soul wouldn't sear with the blood of all the people he'd killed, maybe…..

The images jumped again as he saw his time as a ghost trapped at Wolfram & Hart. The box of 'flashy' he received in the mail, making him corporeal again.

The war he, Angel, and the others waged against the evil of Wolfram & Hart's senior partners. The fight, that epic fight. Seeing Gunn fall at his side, almost cut in two by a wickedly sharp axe. Wesley - dead. Illyria - dead. Angel - dust.

"Too much, too much," said Spike as he writhed on the bed, hands to his head, fingers clutching his hair. _"How the __hell have I survived__?"_ he wondered, _"__or have I__? Was this another holding dimension of Wolfram & Hart? In humans they ripped out your heart. Perhaps in vampires they made it beat again?"_

He drew his legs up into his chest and stayed curled up, hands entwined in his hair, as he sobbed in his sleep for the loss of his friends and in fear of his future.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

He awoke in response to a nurse trying to get him to bring his right arm down away from his head so she could tend to the catheter in his vein, the intravenous drip torn free by his struggles tend to his IV catheter, which had torn free with his struggles. Instinct took over and he lashed out at the nurse. Naturally left handed he caught her in the face, propelling her away from the bed. She fell, crashing into the monitors. In an instant he was out of bed ready to flee, but his legs, which hadn't been used in so long, couldn't hold him steady. He grabbed the bed to stop from falling, appalled at his weakness. The nurse was back on her feet looking at him with a mixture of fear and anger as she leaned over to press the buzzer for assistance.

The man staring back at her was wide eyed and wild looking. He was holding onto the bed, eyes darting from her face every few seconds to look around him.

"Can't stay," she heard him whisper. "Got to get out. They'll kill me. No, no MORE!"

The last word was a shout. He flung his hands to his ears as if trying to block out sound. Spike staggered away from the bed, limping badly on his left leg, and holding onto anything within reach to steady his progress.

The door to the ward flew open and two nurses, a middle aged woman and a younger man, and the doctor who'd examined him earlier ran in. Jake, the doctor, quickly took in the scene and motioned everyone to stand still. In a calm voice he asked the nurse if she was ok and got a slight nod in response. Her broken nose was throbbing furiously.

"Well now, where do you think you're going to? Only just woke up and already want to leave us?" said Jake.

Spike looked at the doctor in dismay. He was at least as big as Angel and Spike knew he was in no condition to fight. Hell, he could barely stand.

"Can't stay, can't stay, can't stay," he murmured. He glanced at the nurse he'd hit and recoiled from the look in her eyes.

"Sorry, but can't stay, gotta go, not safe."

"What's not safe?" asked Jake gently, sensing that being confrontational wasn't a good idea. The man looked scared to death but dangerous along with it. Jake recalled the nurse's words about him talking of rape in his sleep and started to regret not contacting the police.

A shaft of sunlight beamed suddenly just in front of Spike as it escaped from behind the clouds. He stepped back sharply to avoid it, almost over balancing.

"Bollocks!" he exclaimed.

Puzzled by the patient's reaction Jake repeated his question.

"What's not safe?"

"Me. Everything. Sun. Stakes. Dust." Spike seemed to collapse as he uttered these words. He brought his hands to his head.

"What the bleeding hell is happening to me!" he screamed, making the male nurse jump.

Before Jake could stop him the young man leapt to get hold of Spike whilst he was distracted.

"Dave! No!" Jake shouted.

Too late. For a man barely able to stand Spike could still throw a hard punch. With a yell of frustration Jake ran to Dave's aid. Despite the punch Dave still managed to get hold of Spike, trying to pull him forward. Spike, seeing the shaft of light still shining bright, fought with all his strength not to go.

His mind was once again a confused mess as he tried to make sense of it all.

"_Ok, so my heart is beating. What does that mean apart from it feeling bloody weird?"_ he thought as he struggled. _"A soul hadn't stopped me from the threat of combustion in sunlight before. I'm sure as hell not risking it now!"_

He fought but once Jake grabbed his other arm it was over. A sudden prick in his arm and he fell limp to the floor, the sedation rapidly taking hold. Jake and Dave looked at each other, gasping and out of breath.

"Anna," Jake called out to the middle aged nurse still rooted to the spot where they'd first stood. "Get a couple of orderlies here as soon as possible. I think we'd better move Mr. John Doe somewhere a little more secure before he wakes up, don't you?"

She turned quickly and rushed out of the ward.

"Dave, go check on Sarah. I think she's probably a little concussed. (might have had a concussion.) Take care of her. I'll stay here with our friend". The tone of his voice left no room for doubt that he didn't consider this man a friend.

"No one attacks my staff and gets away with it," he said to himself, looking down at the crumpled heap that was Spike.

ooooooooooo

Helen arrived at the hospital. She was early - her shift didn't start for another thirty minutes but she could wait no longer. She changed quickly into her uniform and headed over to the ward eager to see 'her' patient. She walked in and looked towards his bed. It was empty.

"He's been moved," said Anna from behind her. Helen turned around.

"Why? Where's he gone? Is he awake?"

"He might be awake again by now but trust me and stay away from that one. He's dangerous. He attacked Sarah, broke her nose and gave her a concussion. It took Dr. Jake and Dave to pin him down. They managed to sedate him and had him carted off to the psych ward.

"What?" exclaimed Helen, "He seemed okay early this morning before I left. Confused and dazed but not threatening."

She started to walk to the door.

"Don't, Helen. Don't get involved. Sarah heard him muttering about rape. Leave well alone," warned Anna.

Helen carried on not heeding her colleague's words. She took the elevator up two floors and sought out the nurses' station for the psych ward to see where John Doe had been placed.

The psychiatric ward comprised of six beds, three on each side. Beyond them were six small rooms, all with doors that could be locked and only opened from the outside. The nurses worked on this ward in pairs due to the unpredictable nature of their patients.

She sighed with dismay when she saw that 'her' patient wasn't in one of the ordinary beds. She popped her head round the door of the cubicle that served as the nurses' station. Two nurses, both male, were there; one writing up some notes, the other sorting some drugs ready for dispensing.

"Hi, guys," said Helen, "Just checking on a patient transferred up here from intensive care."

She didn't miss the look that passed between the two men.

"What's up? I mean, I know he caused some trouble on the ward but he's just come out of a coma. He could barely string two words together this morning."

"Yeah, well, I'm not convinced he can string a coherent sentence together ever," said Adam, "He's a total sack of hammers. God knows what he's been doing all his life. He's got more scars on him than I've ever seen."

"He came in injured on that crazy night when all hell seemed to be let loose. He was covered in wounds from being buried under rubble." Helen didn't know why but felt she had to defend him.

"Look, Helen, this guys been into something. It's not new scars I'm talking about. He's got, among others, one right round each forearm neat as you please. Looks surgical but I don't know of any procedure that leaves scars like that."

"I want to see him." Helen stood firm.

"Well, if you do he's in room six but that door won't be opened. It's nearly time for his meds and if last time's anything to go by, no way are we going in there 'til Dr. Jake gets here."

Helen almost faltered. If he'd got Nick and Adam so spooked he must be bad. They'd both worked the ward for years. She'd always thought nothing fazed them. With apprehension she started to walk towards room six, then paused, turned back to the two men and asked,

"Does he have a name yet?"

"The only name, well, we think it's a name, that he's said is Spike."

"Spike? Why do you think that's a name at all?" she replied.

"Because it's always followed by the same phrase 'Spike's a bad man, he hurt the girl'. We figure Spike's him and the girl is poor old Sarah who he hit."

"Oh……..Ok". Helen resumed her walk to the room containing the patient. She noticed she'd demoted him from 'her' to 'the'. Certainly not 'hers' if he was as violent as they said.

She peered through the small observation window and could see why the men were waiting for Jake. The bed was upturned and stood diagonally across one corner, mattress and bedding strewn all over the floor. The patient was huddled behind the bed. He sat on his haunches, head in his hands, his fingers constantly pulling at his hair. The hair that had been bleached as white as it could go, when he first was admitted, now had a couple of inches of natural colour showing. It was sandy brown, slightly curly, and it had made him look appealing as he lay peaceful in his coma. Now it was mussed up as he continuously ran his hands backwards and forwards through it. All the time he was rocking slowly too and fro. She could see he was talking but couldn't hear the words he was saying.

They wouldn't have made any sense if she could hear them. They didn't make much sense to Spike and he was the one saying them. Words and phrases constantly were on his lips, their order jumbled, meanings nonsensical.

"Spike's a bad man. He hurt the girl".

"Don't hurt the girl."

"I can feel them, everyone of them."

He looked up suddenly as if aware of Helen's gaze. His ice-cold blue eyes met her warm brown ones for a second.

Helen held her breath until he lowered his eyes back to the floor and carried on with the rocking and the muttering. She knew she somehow had to help him. His eyes didn't look evil, they looked tortured. She was sure that the man she was watching wasn't a psycho. She didn't know how she knew but suddenly she was certain. Her medical training told her she was being ridiculous. One fleeting glance can't provide a diagnosis but she'd felt she'd seen into his soul and that he was in need of her help.

She heard voices and turned to see Dr. Jake, Nick and Adam approaching, a syringe in the doctor's hand. All three men looked like they'd rather be anywhere else.

"Helen, what are you doing here?" asked Jake, voice unusually curt.

"I just want to help."

He sighed knowing, short of ordering her away, there was nothing he could do. He wasn't big into acting all authoritatively, preferring the quiet friendly approach with his colleagues. Perhaps if she saw how the patient behaved she'd stop hanging around.

"Okay, but for Christ's sake stay out of the way. Since you're here, you can close the door and the three of us can go in. But do NOT open it again until I say. Understood?"

"Understood," Helen replied.

"Good," continued Jake, "Now press the button and open the window blinds."

Helen suddenly realised that the light in the room was very dim. She'd been so intent on looking at Spike she hadn't noticed the blind was down. In all six of the rooms on this ward the window blinds were fitted into the frame of the window high on the back wall, so patients couldn't get at them. They were controlled electronically from outside the room.

Obediently she pressed the button. The blind slowly started to rise, allowing bright sunlight to flood the room.

Spike abruptly stopped swaying and flung himself down as close to the back wall as possible, staring with horror as the line of light crept nearer.

"What's he doing?" asked Helen, astonished at what she was seeing.

"Damned if I know," replied Adam, "Perhaps he's a vampire?" he said with a chuckle. "All I know is he's so keen to keep out of the light it makes it a damn sight easier to grab the bastard and inject him."

"Ready?" asked Jake.

The two nurses nodded.

"Okay, here goes."

In they went. Spike had pulled himself into a sitting position against the back wall, knees tucked under his chin. Only about two feet of the length of the room was now in shadow, only an inch or so away from his toes.

"Don't want to die. Don't want to die. Not again."

"Not toasted and ghosted. No amulets."

Spike gabbled these words as fast as he could, repeating each phrase like a mantra but all the time his eyes veered from the line made by the sun and the three men approaching. He saw the syringe in Jake's hand and shrank back further still, pressing even harder against the wall.

"Yellow makes you weak, brown makes you sleepy."

"Wasn't me, luv. I've done my share of bad and you're not one of them."

"Christ! What have you done to me? Can't feel my hands."

"No, please, not again!"

The words rushed out of his mouth. His eyes were glued to the syringe but on the last four words he looked straight at Jake, his face showing such fear that the doctor's step faltered momentarily.

"_Whoever this guy is, he's petrified,"_ he thought, as the two nurses pounced on Spike holding him tight.

He wriggled desperately but, weakened by his months of inactivity, injury and the drugs being given, he was no match for them. They held him tight until he started to relax and drift off to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Giles and Andrew buckled their seat belts, ready for the descent into Los Angeles. In the end it had been two weeks after the phone call to Willow before they'd been able to leave, a minor crisis with one of the youngest slayers in their care delaying their departure.

Now as the plane began to descend, Giles pondered what to do. Willow's locator spells had all come back with the same answer. Angel, Wesley, Illyria and Gunn didn't exist. It didn't bode well but she had reminded him of the time she'd had the same results when trying to find Buffy, Dawn and Xander when she'd returned from England but that had turned out to be false, so there was still hope. He hadn't asked her to do one for Spike as he couldn't face telling her that he'd survived the Hellmouth only to be lost to them once more. It's something Buffy could never be told. It would break her. She'd barely forgiven him for doubting Spike's loyalty before the First's apocalypse.

The plane landed and Giles and Andrew retrieved their baggage, sorted out the hire car and headed for the hotel they'd booked from England. A few false turns later and they found it. Giles' heart sank. It was a hideous dirty building, nothing aesthetic about it at all. He looked at Andrew.

"Did you actually see a photo of this place on the internet and still book it?" he asked incredulously, "Further proof that computers are the spawn of the devil."

"Well, it looked okay. The picture was small," whined Andrew, "It's got a good central location," he added.

"Good location? It's between the hospital and the city morgue! All we're going to hear all night are sirens. It better be reasonably clean. I'm far too tired to find another today. Come on then, in we go."

The younger man picked up both suitcases in an attempt to appease. He led the way, struggling to open the door with both hands accounted for. Giles smiled to himself and followed him in.

Fortunately the interior was less shabby than its grim façade. Room keys were given out and the weary travellers went to freshen up before dinner, where they would plan their strategies.

An hour or so later Giles and Andrew were in the hotel's dining room, too tired from the flight and the past couple of week's events to go find somewhere else. They just hoped the food was better than the dining room looked.

"At least if we get food poisoning it's not far to get help," joked Andrew.

"Yes, but I hope it's the hospital that help comes from," said Giles as he gingerly poked around at the food on his plate.

Andrew was tucking into his as if it was gourmet fare.

"So what did Lorne tell you, Giles? Was he any help at all?" asked Andrew, talking of the green demon from Pylea whom he'd met earlier in the year.

Lorne was the only one of Angel's team they'd managed to trace. Willow hadn't used a locator spell on him as they don't work on Pyleans, most likely because they're empath demons. They'd eventually tracked him down, singing in a bar he owns in Las Vegas.

"Well," said Giles, "He wasn't much help at all really except confirming that Angel and Co. had taken on the Senior Partners. He'd made an agreement with Angel that once he'd done the task Angel had assigned him, he was gone, playing no further part and not wanting any contact with any of them again. So he wasn't best pleased initially to know I'd managed to find him. All he knew was that any survivors were to meet in an alley half a block from the offices of Wolfram and Hart.

"That sounds like somewhere to start looking, then," replied Andrew.

"Yes, first thing in the morning we'll head over there and then we'll just have to play it by ear. We'll also check lists of unidentified bodies, to see if any match Wesley or Illyria. If Angel or Spike were killed all that would be left is a pile of dust so we'll have to see if the local demon community has anything for us to go on. If they were hurt they'd need help from someone."

"Do you really think we'll find them?" enquired Andrew, sneaking a potato from Giles' plate.

"Honestly, no. But until we have proof either way I'm going to keep trying. Buffy needs to know for sure. One thing is certain though, Andrew, I'm not eating here tomorrow evening!"

oooooooooo

In the two weeks since Spike awoke from his coma, things had settled down into a routine. He no longer violently opposed to being injected with his medication, but this wasn't due to an improvement in his state of mind. Rather it was due to finally getting the balance of the cocktail of drugs he was being given right.

Although still in room six, not in one of the beds in the open part of the ward, he wasn't thought to be a threat to himself or anyone else. He stayed in room six because, despite the meds, he was still afraid of the sunlight.

Helen walked into the ward, waving hello to the two nurses on duty.

"Hi, how's Spike? Any change?" It was the same question she asked each time she looked in on him, which was usually before and after her shift.

Unfortunately the answer was always the same too. No.

She carried on to the room containing Spike. Before opening the door she glanced through its window, despairing at what she saw. Although the bed was still upright, its covers crisply made, Spike as usual wasn't on it. He preferred, as always, to huddle in the corner with his back to the wall and his hands resting on his knees. He was perfectly still. He stared with those intense blue eyes straight forward, not seeing his surroundings at all.

Helen quietly opened the door, pushing it almost closed but making sure it didn't shut properly so she wouldn't have to call for help to get out.

"Hello, Spike," she said as she crossed the room to him.

No reaction. She knelt down in front of him. Reaching out with her right hand she gently pushed a stray lock of hair back from his face. Spike's eyes focussed on her, looking puzzled.

"Are you still here?" he whispered, "I thought you left."

"Erm, I did leave Spike. I came in before my shift and now I've finished it," she replied, sighing gently as she realised that he sat exactly as he had eight hours earlier.

"Come on, why don't we sit on the bed? It'd be much more comfortable."

She took hold of his left hand in her right and pulled slightly. Spike didn't move and was once again staring into space. She increased the pressure, insisting he move. This time he did. Slowly he stood, swaying a little as his legs fell victim to cramps from being hunched up for so long.

Helen steadied him and gently helped him to the bed. He sat down obediently. She stood in front of him. His expression was blank once more. She didn't know what she could do to help him. He seemed to be getting more withdrawn every day. It wasn't just the effect of the drugs - he looked like he'd given up, that he had no more fight left in him.

He barely ate anything despite Helen bringing in cookies and other little things to tempt him. He'd been slim, albeit athletic, when he'd arrived. Now he was starting to look skeletal. His cheek bones jutted sharply above his hollow cheeks.

Occasionally he showed signs of being aware of his surroundings. Sometimes he ranted words and phrases over again but more and more often he just sat staring into space, barely realising she was there. He was awake but that was about all you could say.

Helen sat on the bed next to Spike. As he felt the movement, he turned to her, looking deep into her eyes.

"Can I go now?" he said

"Go where?" asked Helen, pleased he seemed to be having a lucid moment.

"Hell," he replied.

Okay, thought Helen. Perhaps lucid wasn't the word she was looking for.

When she didn't answer he took hold of her arm.

"Need to go. Need it to stop. Need help."

"I don't think you'll find help in Hell, Spike," said Helen, "Can I help? What do you need me to do?"

"Blood. Need blood. Heart's pumping - don't know why or how but no blood anywhere." He looked at her as if what he'd said should make sense to her but it didn't.

"You've got enough blood to keep your heart beating, don't worry."

This was a regular theme. He seemed very anxious about his heart. She couldn't understand why as once he'd been resuscitated in the ER it had beaten evenly and healthily ever since.

She wondered whether she should contact the British embassy again. Though Spike had never said anything about himself except in his incoherent phrases, he was clearly English. She'd tried to contact them as soon as she'd realised he was, but basically the staff said they'd had no reports of a missing Englishman in the USA and that he was probably here illegally. No, she thought, no point in going down that route again.

"Spike," She repeated it louder when he didn't respond. "Spike!"

He turned to look at her.

"Who am I? Can you remember?"

A look of confusion passed over his face.

"Are you still here? I thought you'd gone."

"Spike, concentrate. If you do really want to get out of here you HAVE to concentrate and make more sense. Come on, try. Who am I?"

He stared at her for what seemed like an age. Finally he whispered.

"Helen."

"Yes, good, great. That's right. No, keep concentrating. Who are you and where are we?" she said.

Again the long pause.

"Spike………………….sitting on a bed."

Helen had to stifle a giggle. It was not really what she wanted.

"No, I mean where are we, as in what city?"

"I don't know. Could be in any dimension. Not sure where I was taken. Was in LA. Now I'm here."

"Spike, you're still in LA. You're in a hospital. You got hurt, remember?"

"Still here? Then why? I don't get it? Why me? What's happening to me?"

Spike started to get agitated. His eyes darted around the room and his hands fidgeted with the bed linen.

"They're dead. They'll all dead. Dust. I should be, too."

He got down from the bed, found his usual corner of the room and hunched down.

"I don't want to remember. Can't remember. It's too much."

He stared straight ahead, hands resting on his knees. He was back in exactly the same position he'd been in when she'd come into the room.

Helen stood to leave, looking over at him, knowing he'd be unresponsive for hours again as he sat there immersed in his own strange thoughts.

He's getting worse, she thought. A tear glistened in her eye, knowing she'd lost her heart to this man even though he barely knew she existed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

The next day Giles and Andrew were out early, looking for clues. They first went to the site of Wolfram & Hart's offices. Three months on from its spectacular collapse and the area was partially cleared, but the scene still brought them to a standstill.

Both men were thinking the same thing - no way could anyone caught up in that have survived. They decided to split up. Giles was going to meet the Orolon demon, whom Lorne had recommended, and Andrew, who still couldn't help staring at demons when he met them, was to check out the lists of unclaimed/unidentified bodies. This would enable Giles to talk to the demon without worrying it would eat Andrew for being so rude.

Giles met the Orolon demon in a sewer four blocks from the former offices of Wolfram & Hart. The sewer was essential, not because the demon couldn't tolerate sunlight, but more because having four legs and three arms usually drew unwanted attention for these shy creatures. Shy, that is, until someone would comment on their strange appearance and then before you could say 'God, look at the size of its mouth,' the demon would have eaten your head!

Fortunately its large mouth was also capable of speaking English.

"Good morning," said Giles in his most polite voice, desperately trying to ignore the fact that in addition to its multiple limbs it was the most nauseating shade of yellow he'd ever seen.

"Good morning. What can I do for you?" replied the demon.

"Well, I'm looking for some friends. They've been missing since the night Wolfram & Hart fell. I wondered if you'd heard of anyone needing help? A vampire called Angel, another called Spike, two humans - Charles Gunn and Wesley Wyndham-Pryce, and an ancient god, Illyria"

"The general consensus in LA is that they all perished," said the Orolon.

Giles had to fight the urge not to stand with his mouth open at hearing such dulcet tones come from such a beastly mouth. This guy would make a killing doing voice overs, he thought. Thank God Andrew isn't here. He'd have been eaten for sure.

"How do you know? Is there any proof?" he asked.

"A few Wolfram & Hart workers managed to get out but not before they'd seen a whole army of beasts from all manner of dimensions surging towards the alley where Angel, Spike, Gunn and Illyria were waiting. Wyndham-Pryce died at the hands of an old warlock just before the battle."

Poor Wesley, thought Giles. Although they hadn't often seen eye to eye, he had respect for the work Wesley had done.

"A fire raged at the building for two days," continued the demon, "No bodies were found. They'd have been reduced to ash whether a vampire or not. Local seers and healers tried to seek out any possible survivors but all came back with negative results. No vampires in need of help. The others were confirmed dead. Angel was well respected here and we're all sad to know he died whilst doing such good."

Giles winced at the last sentence. Proof, if he'd needed it, that he'd been utterly wrong to doubt Angel.

"Spike?" he queried.

"Nothing came back but again with all the magics they used to locate the two vampires, there is no possibility he survived."

"Thank you," said Giles, his heart heavy.

The Orolon nodded and retreated further into the sewer.

"_Well, I came for proof but proof of life was what I was hoping for," _he thought as he headed back to the hotel.

oooooooo

Andrew was already waiting for him in the lobby of the hotel. One look at Giles' face told him all he needed to know. His face crumpled as tears began to pour down his cheeks.

Giles walked swiftly over to the younger man and gave him a brief hug.

"I'll tell you all I know," he said "but I bloody well need a drink and not here. There's a bar across the street. Come on Andrew, do try to pull yourself together, it's not like it was unexpected.

Andrew nodded, sniffed a few times and wiped his face with his hands.

"Okay, I'm ready," he said, his voice sounding anything but okay.

They walked down the street to the bar. As it was early it was mostly empty, so they had no trouble finding a seat in a booth near the bar. Once the waitress had brought their drinks, Giles asked Andrew what he'd found out.

"I learned that Wesley had died in an old house about a mile away from Wolfram and Hart, a massive stab wound the cause of death. He was buried in an unnamed grave as no I.D.. was found. But they'd taken a photo and I identified him from that. I've ordered a headstone for his grave. I put it on the Council's expenses - I thought they owed him that much."

"Well done, Andrew. That must have been hard for you," soothed Giles, knowing that Andrew was still haunted by the fact that the First had convinced him to kill his best friend Jonathan by stabbing him.

Andrew took a gulp of his whiskey and pulled a face as it seared his throat. Giles told him all he'd learned from the Orolon.

"So we've got our answers. Mission accomplished, I suppose," said Giles.

Both men stared down at their drinks, lost in their own thoughts. They didn't notice the two nurses Nick and Adam walk in. They went to the bar and perched on a couple of stools, nibbling at the snacks and talking about the day at work.

Their words drifted over to Giles and Andrew as they sat quietly nearby.

"God, I think he's getting worse by the hour, not the day," said Nick, "even on half his meds he's still totally out of it."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Adam shifted in his seat to reach his drink. "Still, one thing that not changed is the freak still avoids the sun like it's gonna hurt him."

Andrew looked up at these words not sure he'd heard right.

"Least he's quieter these days," replied Nick, "all that talk about being a bad man and not wanting to die again used to give me the creeps."

Andrew stood up suddenly, knocking the table and spilling his drink.

"Andrew! What are you doing?" exclaimed Giles, frantically trying to mop up the spilled liquid.

"It's Spike!" he said, "I know it's Spike, it has to be!"

Now it was the nurses' turn to look astonished.

"What did you say?" asked Nick, having noticed Giles' English accent.

"Sorry, nothing at all," apologised Giles, embarrassed by Andrew's behaviour.

"Not you. Him," said Nick, pointing at Andrew. "Did you just say Spike?"

Andrew nodded.

"Say," said Adam, just realising what Nick was getting at, "You're not looking for someone are you? English like you?" he added, looking at Giles.

"Well, as a matter of fact we are. He's ….erm…..he's ….my son," said Giles, realising that the only way to get answers from a hospital was to be a relation.

"He's my brother!" shouted Andrew, his American accent not lost on the two men.

"Andrew, settle down," ordered Giles "He lives over here with his mother. Spike's well …he's from my first marriage." Giles stopped abruptly realising he was explaining too much. "Please, what do you know of Spike? Is he alright? Where is he?"

Adam and Nick looked at each other, neither wanting to tell them the state Spike was in. Was he even the person they were looking for? But then again, how many Englishmen called Spike do you come across?

"I think we'd better take you over to the hospital," said Nick, getting off his bar stool. "I'd appreciate it if you told them you asked us about a patient rather than that you overheard us talking," he said, mindful of the trouble they might get into.

"Yes, of course, no problem. Now if you could please show us the way," said Giles, his mind racing. A vampire in a hospital? How could that be? The lack of a heart beat might be a bit of a giveaway. Surely it can't be Spike.

He looked across at Andrew whose face had lit up at the thought he might get to see Spike again. Andrew had been the only one of the gang that had seen Spike since the Hellmouth closed, and he sort of hero-worshipped the guy. Giles was concerned for his young friend should it not be Spike


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Spike sat huddled in his usual corner, his blank features belying the activity in his mind. Try as he might he couldn't stop the frenetic images whizzing through his head. Good, bad, happy, sad, they were all there. He felt lost, adrift from reality but dimly aware of it.

He knew it was getting near to the time they injected him because he felt the level of drugs was subsiding. He looked forward to the next dose. It was safe here in this dark room, with the chemicals stopping the worst of the pain the images caused. He just wanted it to end: to succumb to the oblivion the drugs gave. He'd been through so much. Enough was enough.

He groaned, and buried his face in his hands. He didn't move as he heard the door open, he was just thankful he'd get some peace for an hour or two before being pounded again by his past.

"Spike? My God, it is you!" Giles' voice sounded incredulous as he looked at the pathetic figure before him.

Spike groaned again, _"Another voice from the past coming to haunt me,"_ he thought, _"I wonder if he's come to kill me himself this time instead of getting someone else to do it? Thank God it'll finally be over_."

He looked up as he heard footsteps approaching. He held his arm out, ready for the comforting sting of the needle. He saw Giles standing there, a hand on Andrew's shoulder to prevent him from rushing forward.

Spike shook his head rapidly from side to side, a manic cackle escaping from his lips. _"Oh great."_ he thought, _"Not enough to see things in my mind, now my eyes are in on the action too." _He curled up, eyes tightly closed, rocking gently from side to side.

Dr. Jake arrived at that moment and saw the scene before him with the patient obviously distressed. He noticed the concern etched on the faces of the two men and decided quickly that any further discussions should take place away from Spike.

He offered his hand out to Giles.

"Hello, I'm Jake Hannigan, Spike's doctor. Is that really his name by the way?"

Giles nodded.

"It's a nickname really but we all call him that," he replied, taking the offered hand.

"I think we'd be better off talking at the nurses' station. I can fill you in on the details and perhaps you can enlighten us a bit about Spike, too."

They left the room, the door snapping shut behind them.

"I understand you're Spike's father?" said Jake.

"Yes," replied Giles, "Giles, Rupert Giles. This is my other son Andrew." He added, remembering Andrew's outburst at the bar. He glared at him to keep quiet for once.

"So how did Spike come to be here?" asked Giles, "We've been trying to trace him for quite a while. We're not that close and he has …er…..a tendency to roam about, never staying in the same place too long. We normally get the odd call or card but for three months, nothing. An old girlfriend of his said he'd been heading to LA last she'd heard, so we thought we'd come to try to find out." He launched into the cover story he and Andrew had mapped out quickly whilst waiting to be allowed up to the ward.

Dr. Jake explained about the night he was brought in, how his heart had taken so long to start beating that they'd thought they were going to lose him.

Andrew and Giles looked at each other as the doctor mentioned Spike's heart. How could it be?

The doctor continued until they finally had the whole story. No one spoke. Giles was trying to think up a plausible reason for Spike's phobia of the sun but gave up.

Jake looked at the two men. They seemed totally flummoxed by what he'd told them. I suppose it must come as a shock to see a member of your family reduced to the wreck that was Spike, he thought.

"Has he shown any signs of mental illness in the past?" he asked, "as we're not sure whether it's due to the injury or not."

Andrew started to say something but Giles shot him a look, knowing he was remembering how Spike had spent three weeks in the Sunnydale High School basement; bowing under the pressure of the guilt he suffered after having his soul restored. Something not helped by the First's constant appearances to him in various guises. But Giles knew that if they were going to get Spike out of here as soon as possible, they had to keep things simple.

"No, nothing like this. He's always been a bit….odd….but nothing like this. I think the sooner he's back with his family the better, don't you? All these ramblings you've told us about must be from the injury muddling up his thoughts. What do I need to do to get him released?"

A discussion ensued with the doctor wanting Spike to remain where he was but with his family visiting to see if they could draw him back into the real world. Giles was adamant about his discharge.

Ooooooo

Helen walked into the ward. She could hear voices from the nurses' station. Jake and two other men were talking intensely, watched by Adam and Nick. She was surprised to see the two nurses. She hadn't realised they were pulling a double shift. She hurried past not wanting to interrupt. She made her way to Spike's room. In the two weeks he'd been awake, Helen knew his medication times to the minute. She knew that if he'd just had a dose that her visit would be short, because he'd be unresponsive. According to her watch his latest meds were given forty five minutes ago, but she still had to look in on him. She couldn't leave him alone.

As usual, she peeped through the window as her hand reached for the door handle. She couldn't immediately see him, as he wasn't in his usual back corner. Then he came into view, pacing from left to right near the front of the room then turning when he reached the wall and pacing back. His stride was marred by the limp that was so bad he lurched as he moved. She could see he was talking to himself but his eyes looked clearer than she'd seen since he'd first woke up, before being put on the meds. She opened the door and he spun round.

"It's not Hell," he said as soon as she stepped in the room, "Can't be Hell if ole Rupe's here. That bugger's so good, couldn't be Hell."

"Spike, are you ok? Has something happened?" asked Helen.

He moved towards her putting his hands on her arms.

"He's here. Come to get me out, I'd wager. Better get me out. Ole Rupe helping Spike?" his words faded away, face clouding, "never has before……..and he's gone……..what if he doesn't come back?" His eyes were pleading as he looked into Helen's.

"He's here then he's gone, but no drugs come. Old Spike's coming back."

He was talking fast and quietly, almost to himself but still gripping Helen.

oooooooooo

"Christ!" exclaimed Adam, "We've not given him his meds. They're nearly an hour late."

The injection had been forgotten with the arrival of Giles and Andrew. Nick and Adam had told the other two nurses on duty they'd fill in for an hour or so, wanting to see what happened with Spike. The on duty nurses were happy to take a break.

He dashed from the room followed by the others. He saw the door was open and looked at his watch, realising Helen's shift had just finished. As he got to the door he saw Spike had hold of Helen, an arm in each hand, face close to hers.

"Let go of her," he said quietly but firmly.

"It's okay, Adam. I'm fine. We're just talking," Helen reassured her colleague.

Spike looked at Adam and released his grip on Helen, taking a step backwards. Adam held the syringe of medication which just moments ago he'd craved badly. Now he wanted just as badly to avoid it. He now had hope, hope that things might be okay after all and he didn't want to lose that feeling to the clouds created in his mind by the drugs. He wanted to cling onto it, he needed to cling onto it. He took another step backwards as Adam took one towards him.

"Come on, Spike," said Adam, "You know this makes you feel better." He took another step towards him.

Again Spike retreated, shaking his head.

"No, not today, not now," he said, looking at Helen, eyes appealing for help.

"Adam, just wait a minute. What's going on? How come his meds are so late anyway?" she said, as much to distract Adam from his tack as for the answers, "He was talking of someone, "Rupe". Who's that?"

"Me," came a voice behind her. She turned to see a tall bespectacled man, dressed in a tweed suit, standing in the doorway.

"I don't think he needs those drugs just yet," he directed this to Adam who had started to slowly walk towards Spike again.

Adam was just about to retort.

"It's okay, Adam. He's being released soon and we don't want him knocked out. I've written a prescription for some pills instead so he can have some now and continue when he's released," said Jake, who'd followed Giles into the room.

Adam shrugged and walked out.

Rupert had his first proper look at Spike and was shocked at what he saw. Spike had always been lean, but fit and muscled, swaggering about in his long leather jacket, bleached hair glowing in the moonlight. This Spike bore no resemblance to that man. Baggy hospital scrubs covered his body, which was thin to the point of emaciation. He was leaning against the wall, unsteady on his legs. His cheeks were hollow, his shoulders sagging, and a thick scar down his forehead right down to the eyelid was raised and pink against the pale grey of his complexion. Hair, once well groomed, now hung in curls - half blond, half sandy brown. His whole demeanour was one of defeat, something the Spike of old would never have countenanced.

"Spike," he said gently, "you remember me, don't you?"

Spike nodded, started to say something, then stopped, swallowed and started again.

"Rupert, can you help me? I'm in trouble. Can you help me please?" he said in a small voice.

Rupert's heart sank further. The old Spike would never have asked for his help, especially with the history they have between them.

"Yes, Spike. I'm here to help you."

At these words Spike, who'd been leaning heavily with his back against the wall, sighed and started to slide down the wall, legs giving way. Rupert moved to help him but Helen was there in an instant, holding Spike's arm, and supporting him so he sat gently on the floor rather than falling.

"Who are you?" demanded Helen, knowing she was being rude but not caring.

"I'm his father, Rupert Giles," he answered, "You must be Helen. The doctor told me how you've been visiting him. I'm grateful for it.

At this point, Andrew, who'd amazingly been silent throughout, could contain himself no more. He pushed his way into the room and flung his arms around Spike as he sat on the floor and gave him a hug.

"You're alive! You're alive!" I can't believe it."

For a second, Giles saw Spike give a look that was pure 'old' Spike, showing his distain for such displays but it swiftly passed and he just looked bewildered.

"Andrew," said Giles sharply, causing him to look up and let go of Spike. He stood up and backed away from Spike by a couple of feet.

"Come on," said Helen, "you can't stay here. Lets get you on the bed."

Spike nodded and struggled to his feet, leaning heavily on Helen. Once on the bed he lay down. Rupert turned to leave the room.

"Don't. Don't leave me here," pleaded Spike.

"It's alright, I'm not. I just have to go for a moment to sort things out," replied Giles.

"I'll stay with him," said Helen, taking one of Spike's hands in hers, a gesture not unnoticed by Giles.

"That's very kind of you, Helen, thank you. Andrew, come with me. There's a lot for us to do," he said, not trusting Andrew to keep quiet in front of Helen.

They walked out of the room with Jake to make the necessary arrangements.

Helen sat on the bed holding Spike's hand. Her feelings were mixed. She was glad someone had finally come to claim Spike but sorry that she'd not see him again. He was still looking at the door.

"Well, looks like you and I will soon be saying goodbye," said Helen, voice quivering slightly.

Spike turned to look at her.

"No, not goodbye," he said, looking deep into her eyes, "I……" he faltered, "You……., kind. Always here. Helped me not to be alone."

He dropped his gaze, looking at the hand she was still holding. He put his other hand over the top and squeezed.

Helen couldn't speak, tears glistening in her eyes. Stupid, she thought, stupid to feel this way about a patient, especially one with the problems he had. But she couldn't help it. From the moment she'd felt his heart give its first beat in the ER she'd felt somehow connected with him. Now he was leaving and she'd never get to know him properly.

Giles walked back into the room. Spike sat up on the bed looking at him expectantly.

"Right, Spike, we can't get everything finalised tonight so you'll have to stay here another night. But don't worry, we will come back for you."

Spike looked over Giles' shoulder as Jake appeared in the doorway.

"No more drugs," said Spike in the strongest voice he'd managed since awakening from the coma.

"Calm down, Spike," said Dr. Jake, "you can't just stop them altogether. I need you to take some pills. They're not as strong but you'll need to take them for a week or two to wean you off the drugs gradually. It'll be better for you."

"I feel better now," replied Spike, "they'll make things worse again. I need to make sense of things, not get muddled again."

Another glimpse of the 'old' Spike's stubbornness. Helen, who was still sitting on the bed holding his hand said,

"The doctor's right, Spike. You do need to come off gradually. You may be glad of their help when you leave here, you know, to smooth things over."

"Okay," he agreed after a pause.

Dr. Jake gave him a couple of pills and a glass of water. Spike took them without further objection.

"We've got to go now, Spike," said Giles, "We'll see you tomorrow."

He turned and left, Andrew following in his wake. Spike just nodded and resignedly lay back down on the bed, Helen still at his side. She'd recognised what one of the pills was, a sleeping pill, so she decided to stay with him until he fell asleep.

Ooooooo

Giles, Andrew and Jake walked from the ward to the doctor's office where they once again discussed the terms of Spike's release. Jake tried again to persuade them to leave him where he was, at least until he was off all the medication, just in case he got violent again. He'd told Giles about Spike hitting the nurse.

"And this is why he ended up in a locked room filled with drugs?" Giles was furious, "Good God, he'd just woken from a coma, had suffered major head trauma and because he was confused and scared you effectively jail him and pump him full of drugs so you have an easier time looking after him!"

"It wasn't like that at all," was Jake's angry response, "you weren't there. It's my duty to protect my staff, and it was to give him time to settle down."

"Oh, he's settled down all right I'm sure," shouted Giles, "He looks bloody half dead!"

"Hey guys, this isn't doing any good," Andrew interrupted, "Can we please just concentrate on what we have to do to get Spike out?"

The two men looked at Andrew. They nodded their agreements. Jake gestured for Giles to sit down in the chair opposite his desk, as he sat in his. The atmosphere relaxed a little. Andrew perched on the edge of the desk.

"Firstly," began Jake, "I know it sounds a bit callous but there is the matter of his medical bill. Has he any insurance?"

Andrew smirked at the thought of a vampire having medical insurance. Giles was careful not to catch his eye as he knew he'd laugh. He told the doctor that no he hadn't but that funds could be wired from London the next day.

That solved, the doctor wanted to know where they were going to take him as, in his opinion, Spike certainly wasn't fit for a flight to London and the seedy hotel next door wasn't exactly ideal.

"We're going to rent a house here in LA for a few months," said Giles,"so that he can recuperate with no pressure and if we have any problems you aren't far away." He added the last part to appease the doctor, having no intention of bringing Spike back here under any circumstance.

"There is one other thing," said Jake, "before he hit the nurse he was talking in his sleep that he'd tried to rape someone - Buffy, I think he'd said. Do you know what that could mean? You've told me he's a bit of a drifter. I'm worried that he moves on for a reason."

Fortunately Xander had told Giles of the attempted rape which had prompted Spike to seek out his soul, but he was still taken aback by the doctor's statement. Thinking on his feet, he replied,

"Buffy's his sister. She was attacked a couple of years ago and the culprit never found. Spike took it very hard. I always thought he was trying to track the attacker down, and that's why he kept moving."

_"At this rate we'll all be bloody related",_ he thought, but the doctor seemed to have bought it.

Giles stood up and offered his hand to Jake.

"We'll be back for him tomorrow night. iI'll take us all day to find a house and so on. Have you anything of his here?"

"His clothes were ruined except for a leather coat and some boots. We've still got those and so will have them ready tomorrow."

"Thank you. We'll get him some clothes to change into. Good night."

With that Giles and Andrew left the hospital and went back to the hotel to plan for the next day.

ooooooooo

Spike was starting to doze off. He looked up at Helen and reached out with his left hand to wipe a tear that was falling down her cheek.

"Don't cry, Helen, please," he said gently, fighting the effects of the drugs, "Don't be sad."

"I'm not sad," she lied, "I'd better be going home now."

She had to leave, knowing she wouldn't be able to stem her tears. She leant down and for the first time kissed his cheek.

"Goodnight, Spike," she murmured and then quickly left, avoiding meeting his eyes.

Spike watched her go, fingers caressing the cheek she'd kissed, and he drifted off into a deep, and for the first time since awakening from the coma, totally dreamless sleep.

Oooooooo

Helen didn't go home. She learned from Nick that Mr. Giles was checked into the hotel next door with his other son. What a strange coincidence she thought. But there was something strange about the whole situation.

She walked into the lobby of the hotel and asked at the front desk if she could place a call to Mr. Rupert Giles. The receptionist indicated a phone at the end of the desk and told her to dial 353. The phone was answered almost before it could ring.

"Hello, is this Mr. Giles?" asked Helen.

"It is," said Giles.

"Oh, um, my name's Helen Green. I'm a nurse at St. David's…"

"Oh yes, Helen, I remember you. What can I do for you? he replied.

"I wonder if I could possibly talk with you about Spike? I'm in the lobby now, if it's convenient?"

"Of course. Come up to my room if you don't mind, it's a bit more private. Andrew is here too. We're just talking things through about tomorrow."

He told her the room number and put the phone down.

"_I wonder what she wants?"_ he mused.

A few moments later, in response to a sharp rap on the door, he let Helen in.

"Would you like a drink?" asked Andrew as Giles offered her the only chair and sat on the bed opposite.

"Thank you but no." said Helen. Now she was here she didn't know where to start.

"I understand that you've been sitting with Spike a lot when you're off duty. It's been very kind of you to do that," said Giles, filling a rather awkward silence.

"_Oh God,"_ thought Helen, _"he thinks I want money!"_

"Yes but that's not why I'm here. I want to offer my services for the next couple of weeks. Free of charge!" she blurted, "You see, I've got some vacation time due and you'll need help with the meds……"

"We couldn't possibly ask you to do that," interrupted Giles.

"You're not asking, I'm offering," said Helen firmly, her resolve strengthening. "It's just I feel I've a special interest in him. I was there with him in the ER when he'd just been brought in. I'd just arrived after the call went out to those of us off duty. I usually work on the intensive care ward and that's where he was during those months of coma. I'd like the chance to help him recover. I can get an exercise program from physical therapy and help him do it. Help him get fit," Helen stopped, realising she was babbling.

Andrew and Giles looked at each other. It was true she'd be a great help to them all but how could they possibly explain his past and what he is or was?

"Okay Helen, it's a deal, but on one condition. You're to come the day after tomorrow, to give us a chance to get settled in. Here's my cell phone number. Give me a ring say five pm and I'll let you have the address."

He gave her the number and Helen left. This time she did go home.

"Right Andrew," said Giles, "Tomorrow I'll go and sort out the bank transfer for Spike's bill and hit the agencies about a rental house. We need it to be pretty secluded. I hope we can get something organised. I don't want him spending a moment longer there than he has to."

"He's so thin. He looks so ill," said Andrew, "I thought vampires couldn't get ill?"

"I don't understand what's going on either, Andrew, but first we'll get him with us, then we can work out what's wrong with him and sort it out."

"What about the others? Buffy, especially. Are we going to tell them?"

"Not for the time being," Giles replied, "I think he needs peace and quiet and he certainly won't get that if everyone knows he's alive."

Andrew went back to his room with his heart racing. Spike would get better, he had to.

tbc


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven 

The next morning Giles paid Spike's medical bill, wincing at its size._ "Couldn't have done this in England, could you? Where the treatment was free,"_ he thought.

Four hours and about eight properties later, Giles found the perfect house. It stood on a good sized plot in a secluded avenue. Two stories high, with lots of trees that provided privacy and a back yard that was surrounded by a high wall, so no neighbours could see in. He signed the lease on the spot. It was furnished sparsely but was clean and comfortable enough.

He found Andrew back at the hotel. He'd bought clothes for Spike and also all the provisions they needed for moving into the house.

oooooooooo

For Spike the day passed slowly. Helen had called in before her shift but he'd still been asleep so he'd missed her. When the nurse came with his pills he pretended to take them but spat them out as soon as he was alone. For the first time since the coma he was actually drug free. He was a bit nervous about not taking them but he felt things were finally dropping into place and he needed his head to be a clear as possible. So he repeated his subterfuge each time his meds were offered. Images still burned in his mind but he'd started to slow them down and put them in order. The one thing he didn't think about, if he could help it, was his heart. He just didn't know what to make of that.

Helen decided not to go to see Spike after work. She wanted to get hold of the physiotherapist before he went home, to get a list of exercises that he could do to improve his left leg and general fitness.

oooooooooo

Spike was laying on the bed when he heard footsteps coming towards his room, accompanied by a strange squeaking noise. He sat up swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, bare feet dangling just short of the floor.

The door swung open and the first thing he saw was the explanation of the squeak, a wheelchair pushed by Andrew, with Giles and Jake following behind.

The doctor approached Spike.

"Well, Spike, it's time for you to go. Are you still sure this is what you want to do?" he asked.

Spike nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Without the drugs dulling his senses, he'd spent the afternoon feeling agitated and restless but he made sure he didn't show it to any of the nurses. He'd had enough of the four walls of this room and longed to be out of it.

"You know you can reach me here at anytime if you're worried," said Jake, directing his words to Giles. He looked back at Spike, "Right, all you need is take your meds - they won't knock you out. Get changed into something a little more suitable and you can go. Everything else has been done."

"_Damn it, no way will I be able to spit the tablets out with Jake there watching." _He reached out and took the little cup containing the pills and the glass of water. Resisting the urge to throw both back at Jake, he put them in his mouth and swallowed them down.

"Why the chair?" he asked, "I'm not a total bloody cripple." He struggled to keep his voice even as he remembered the time he spent in one after Buffy caused a church organ to crash down on him and his ex lover, the vampire Drusilla. He'd hated that bloody chair! Buffy! He swiftly put her out of his mind.

"Hospital policy," answered Jake, "Our rules mean we deliver you to the door in this."

"Oh, okay. Suppose that's alright then."

Andrew stepped towards him.

"I got you some clothes. I hope they're okay. I mean they'll make do 'til you can get out and about and get what you want."

He offered a couple of bags to Spike, who took them and put them on the bed.

"Ta," he said, "Can I have some privacy then?" he added as the three men just stood there.

"Of course, of course." blustered Giles and they left Spike alone.

Spike took hold of the heaviest bag and tipped its contents onto the bed, next to where he sat. Out fell a long black leather coat. It was battered and scuffed and it looked like there was still some of his blood on it. It had a tear on the left arm, which corresponded to where the break had been. He picked it up and held it close to himself. God, the memories it evoked! All of a sudden he was glad he'd taken the drugs to blunt things down a bit. He'd had it for thirty years and had barely gone a day without wearing it until now.

He put it back down on the bed and saw that there was a pair of black boots too, higher than ankle length, again familiar and equally as battered.

He opened the second bag, worried as to what Andrew might find suitable for him, but he needn't have worried. It held a pair of black jeans, a black T shirt and a black long sleeved shirt plus some underwear.

"_Thank God for that,"_ thought Spike, _"I wouldn't have put it past the boy to have bought pink!"_

He changed into the clothes, grunting with the effort of reaching to put the sock on his left foot, the injured leg not being able to bend far enough. He eventually got it on and stood up, sliding his feet into his boots. He decided not to try to fasten them, appalled at how weak he felt. He picked up his coat and limped to the door that was still ajar.

He stepped through it and out onto the ward. Andrew hurried over to his side with the wheelchair.

"Your chariot awaits, kind sir!" he said with a theatrical bow.

Spike smiled at him and sat in it gratefully, knowing that the way he felt at the moment he'd not be certain of making it to the door of the ward let alone the exit door of the hospital.

Andrew pushed the chair and Giles walked beside Spike.

"You're okay?" he asked, putting a hand on Spikes shoulder and feeling the bones sharp beneath the cloth of the shirts.

"Yeah," said Spike, hands fiddling with the coat on his lap. He was starting to feel a little woozy as the drugs kicked in.

They left the ward and walked along the corridors to the elevator. No one spoke, each lost in their own thoughts. When they got to the hospital's entrance, Giles left Andrew with Spike whilst he went to bring the car round for them.

Andrew prattled on, telling Spike about the house they were going to. Spike just let the words wash over him.

"Helen!" he exclaimed, cutting into Andrew's diatribe, "Helen didn't come. Why didn't she come? I need….I want…….."

"It's okay," soothed Andrew, "She's coming to the house tomorrow night. Don't worry, she hasn't abandoned you."

"Good," said Spike, his hand absently straying to the cheek she'd kissed the night before.

Giles appeared at the entrance with the car and got out to help Spike into the back seat. Spike leant his head back on the rest and closed his eyes. The movement of the car and the flashing of the street lamps as they drove along made him feel nauseous.

Twenty minutes later they pulled up in the driveway of what would be their home for the next few months. Giles and Andrew helped Spike into the house. He leant on them heavily as they walked up the three steps to the front door, his limp pronounced. They guided him to the sofa and he sank back in its cushions gratefully.

"Are you up to telling us what happened to you before the hospital?" asked Giles, "Did you see what happened to the others?"

Spike visibly flinched as a sharp shaft of pain went through his heart. He was glad of the drugs' anaesthetising effect as he remembered his lost friends. He and Angel had always argued but they'd known each other since 1880 and shared lots of times, good and bad.

"They're gone, they're all gone," he said quietly, "I don't know how the bloody hell I survived at all. I was sure I was in Hell, laid there attached to machines, feeling my heart beating. Didn't know what to think. Then I clocked that nurse and things got even more mixed up. I dunno whether it was the drugs or me, but the memories got the better of me and I guess I just kinda gave up." He looked embarrassed.

He went on to tell Andrew and Giles of Angel's plan to take on the senior partners, knowing they'd wreak revenge on the team. He told of the army of demons that fell on them in the alley, of Angel being turned to dust by the dragon he tried to slay. Gunn was cut down by a demon's axe. Illyria fought like a wildcat, fuelled by her grief at the loss of Wesley, until the fatal blow was struck.

"Last I remember," continued Spike, "I was fighting a Veragos demon who had a bloody great sword. He swung it at my head and that was it 'til I woke up in the hospital. What's going on with me, Giles? I can't take much more. I've died in the Hellmouth only to be spat out as a ghost, then I'm corporeal again, now this! How come everyone else is dead and my bloody heart is beating? Why wasn't I a pile of dust if I was dead?" he sagged back into his seat, exhausted by the effort of talking.

"You weren't dead, Spike. An unconscious vampire would appear dead with no breathing or pulse. Your wounds weren't fatal," said Giles.

"I thought I was going to starve. I couldn't really ask for some blood when I was in there now, could I? Don't suppose you've got some? This vampire with a soul and now a bleeding heart needs sustenance."

"We've been thinking about that since we found you," said Giles, "I don't think you'll be wanting blood unless it's running out of a rare steak."

He handed Spike a small square object.

"What do you make of that, Spike?"

With a puzzled look he took it from Giles. It was just a piece of wood in a frame.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Turn it over," replied Giles.

He did and his eyes widened with astonishment, and his hands trembled, nearly dropping it.

"Well, what do you think now Spike?" asked Giles with a smile.

After a pause Spike replied.

"I think I need a bleeding hair cut - I look like a poofter!"

All three laughed. Once they'd got their breath back, Spike, a grave look on his face, said,

"Does this mean……..?" he couldn't finish.

"You're human!" exclaimed Andrew, "We don't know how but that's what you are. You're human again."

"So how come you collected me at night then? If I'm all human, why didn't you let me go out into the sun? Why did you make me stay there all day?"

"We weren't sure we'd get the chance alone to tell you and since they'd said you'd fought them rather than go into a beam of sunlight we decided best not to do it there. Let's face it, Spike, you were acting pretty odd in there," said Giles.

"Yeah, well, you'd act bloody odd if you'd been unconscious for three months then you have everybody going on about getting your heart beating when it hadn't beaten in 120 years! I thought I'd gone mad again. I suppose I did for a bit."

He couldn't resist looking at his reflection. He'd forgotten how intensely blue his eyes were. He'd bleached his hair since punk rock had hit the scene in the seventies, but had never seen it. Now, after three and a half months, it grew in two-tone unruly curls. His cheekbones were accentuated by his hollow cheeks. He took in the scar on his forehead. He'd felt he had a scar in his eyebrow since he'd killed his first slayer but now a scar stretched from his left eye up to his hairline.

"So if I'm not so weak due to being starved of blood, what's going on? Please don't tell me this is how all you humans feel?"

"We humans," corrected Andrew, with a grin. He couldn't believe it – Spike was alive, properly alive.

"I think," said Giles, "that perhaps some of the weight loss is due to the stress your body's been under. The metabolism probably went a bit haywire at having blood pumping through its veins after a century's break. You were badly injured, Spike, and since you were in a coma your broken leg hasn't regained its strength due to inactivity. Hopefully we'll get you a lot fitter than you are now, but it may take time. You no longer have a vampire constitution that comes complete with speedy powers of healing. Now lets get something to eat and go to bed - you look exhausted."

"You're not wrong, Rupe," said Spike, "Look, I know we've not always, well, ever, seen eye to eye and I am glad of your help, but why are you helping me?"

"You died saving the world. I think some payback now is in order, don't you?" said Giles, adding to himself, _"and to make up for doubting you and trying to kill you."_

Spike looked at Giles and Giles knew that he knew exactly what he'd been thinking. They briefly nodded to each other and that was it. There'd be no further mention of past ills by either one.

Andrew had been busy in the kitchen for the last few minutes and soon reappeared with three juicy steaks complete with salad, which they rapidly polished off. Not long afterwards they retired to bed. Spike refused a sleeping pill. Give him his due, when Spike set his mind on something he did it with determination, and he was adamant to get off the drugs once and for all.

tbc


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight 

Spike lay on his bed in a large room at the back of the house, looking through the open curtains. Dawn wasn't far away. He could still sense it, after over a century of dreading it, and let's face it, fearing it. It was a feeling he guessed would be hard to lose.

He hadn't slept much. There was too much to think about. But when he had he wasn't bombarded with the past anymore. Instead he had dreams of the future; of being fit again, being out in the sunshine, and of Buffy.

He got up out of the bed and limped to the window, leaning on the sill and looking out as the sky began to brighten. Then his nerve failed and he pulled the curtains closed and got back into bed.

He woke up a couple of hours later and looked to the window. Again he got out of bed, went over to the right hand side of the window and tweaked the curtain back with his left hand so a shaft of light could get through into the room. He instinctively pulled back, old habits dying hard, and his heart pounded. The pounding of his heart reassured him that he really had changed, so he gritted his teeth, lifted his chin and slowly put his right hand into the beam of light, opening and closing his fingers. No pain. No smoke.

"Bugger me," he said quietly as he pulled the curtains fully open. Eyes screwed up against the bright, he could feel its warmth caressing his body, not causing it to combust.

"Morning!" called Andrew, looking in from the doorway, causing Spike to jump and turn around. "Ready for breakfast?"

"I am." Spike replied, realising he was ravenous.

He followed Andrew downstairs, refusing his help but leaning on the handrail and descending slowly.

Over a hearty breakfast of pancakes and syrup they talked about their plans for the day. It was agreed that Andrew would go to the nearest internet café to do some research on what could turn a vampire human. Much to Giles' horror Andrew and Willow had managed to persuade him to allow his library of reference books to be scanned into the Watcher's Councils computer system - a task that would have taken years but for a little magic from Willow.

"Shanshu!" exclaimed Spike suddenly.

"Bless you," said Andrew.

"What? No, I didn't sneeze. It's what must have happened to me. The Shanshu prophecy, it must have been genuine."

"Shanshu?" mused Giles, "I don't think I know of it. What is it?"

"It was in one of the books at Wolfram & Hart. It said that a vampire with a soul, who played a pivotal role in an apocalypse, would be rewarded by being returned to human form. Old Angel had always figured it was his but then I turned up with me shiny new soul and suddenly it wasn't clear which ensouled vamp it referred to. Figured it was a load of bollocks after me and Angel had fought for the Cup of Perpetual Torment. That was supposed to be a predestined pointer to whom the prophecy was about. I won," Spike couldn't resist bragging, "but it was a fake. Just another case of the senior partners pulling our chains."

"Andrew, check in our files and see if we have anything on this Shanshu Prophecy. Make sure there's no loop holes," Giles said.

"Okay," said Andrew, "I'll go now and see you later."

"Did he tell everyone I'd survived the Hellmouth?" asked Spike, watching Andrew leave, "I'd told him not to tell."

"No, just me. The others still don't know. We thought it best that way until we're certain what's happened to you."

"Buffy?"

"Still in Rome. She and Dawn love it out there. Why didn't you want Andrew telling all the gang?"

Spike would never forget the words Buffy had said as the amulet had released its power in the Hellmouth.

_"I love you."_

He didn't believe her. He thought she'd just said them because she knew he'd die.

"Figured I couldn't really top going out in a blaze of glory. I mean, what would I have said? Bit of an anticlimax, I reckon."

Giles could tell by his expression that Spike was still in love with Buffy, but despite everything he hoped Buffy and Spike would remain apart. No good could surely come of it.

"For now I think it's best you keep as low a profile as you can, at least until you regain your strength," Giles replied, still dismayed at how weakened the ex-vampire was. Apart from Buffy he'd been the strongest fighter they'd had. Now a breath of fresh air could blow him over.

"No worries," said Spike, looking out to the garden, "I think I might have a little stroll outside. Care to join me?" He was still not totally convinced it was safe.

"Of course," Giles replied, accurately reading the misgivings Spike had.

They walked slowly, due to Spike's limp, through the lounge and out into the garden. The first six feet or so were in deep shade. The pair approached the edge of the shadow. Spike paused, took a deep breath and stepped into the sunlight. After a moment he turned back to Rupert, grinning from ear to ear.

"God, it's real. I am human again!" he stood, arms outstretched.

"We'd better get you some sunscreen to protect your skin. You're so pale you'll burn up."

They both laughed when they realised what he'd said.

"You know what I meant."

"Yeah, Rupe, I do, but I think I can live with a bit of sunburn after what's it's tried to do to me for years."

oooooooooo

Spike and Giles spent the next day quietly. Andrew continued his research into the prophecy. Giles's told Spike of how everyone was doing after the demise of Sunnydale. That Anya had been killed in the Hellmouth and Xander, in his grief, had volunteered to work for the Council in Africa - a trip meant to last just a few months had now stretched into over a year.

Willow had come back to London from Brazil, leaving Kennedy there. When she'd arrived in response to Giles asking her to cover the office whilst he and Andrew came to LA, she'd announced she was back for good.

Finally he told Spike of Buffy and Dawn. Dawn was now at school in Rome and Buffy was on hand to help any new Slayers who were bewildered by their calling.

"So the Niblet's growing up," said Spike, "Is Buffy…….? Erm……is she still with the Immortal?" He didn't look at Giles as he spoke, knowing that a lame, human, ex-vampire couldn't hope to compete with the likes of the Immortal.

"Yes she is," lied Giles, "I'm sorry, Spike. I know how you feel about her, but she is happy."

Spike nodded slightly, eyes remaining downcast, a lump forming in his throat.

"Good." he said finally, "She deserves happy."

If he'd looked up at Giles then he would have been able to see from Giles' discomfort that he was lying. But he didn't look up, not wanting Giles to see the tears that were stinging his eyes, threatening to spill down his cheeks. He cleared his throat a couple of times.

"I think I'll walk round the garden for a bit." he said and he limped out of the room, shoulders sagging.

Giles felt a pang of guilt.

"_Why did I say that? Best he doesn't get his hopes up. He's not the same person as before so who knows what Buffy will think of_ _him now."_ He tried to convince himself it was for the best.

Out in the garden Spike slowly walked, pausing to take in the vibrant colours of the flowers. For over one hundred years he'd lived in the night, the brightest moon still made a garden monochrome, not like this riot of colour. He made his way to a bench at the far side of the garden and sat on it. He thought about Buffy and what might have been but for the First's apocalypse. After he'd got his soul back, he'd known it was unlikely for Buffy ever to love him and want him as he did her, but it had been enough to be there for her, watching out for her, helping as much as he could. Then they'd shared that amazing night, just sleeping in each other's arms, but it had been the best night of his life. The closeness he'd felt, more than anything he'd experienced before. She admitted she felt the same way, then all Hell had literally broke loose and the moment was gone forever.

He'd always maintained she needed a bit of a demon in her men, so why wouldn't she be with the Immortal, that most suave of demons. He put his head in his hands, admitting for the first time that he'd never be with Buffy again.

"_Christ, I've only just got my heart back and already it's broken,"_ he thought wryly, _"This 'being a human' lark's hard. Being a vampire with a soul was a doddle compared to this. Least then I was strong. Way I am now bloody Andrew would take me in a fight. I'm just sodding useless and now to make matters worse I'm wallowing in self-pity! What does it always have to be about Buffy?"_

"Spike?" a soft voice enquired.

He looked up, wiping his eyes quickly with the palms of his hands as he did so. Helen was walking towards him. It was the first time he'd seen her out of her nurses' uniform. She was wearing blue jeans and a yellow t-shirt, with her brown hair loose, falling to just below her shoulders. He noticed for the first time how pretty she was.

"Hello," said Spike, "Andrew said you were going to drop by. I was afraid I wasn't going to get to say thank you properly."

"That's okay," Helen replied, smiling at him, "There's no need to thank me. I was happy to be there for you."

"Yeah, well, erm……I'm sorry you had to see me like that," he stammered, remembering his strange behaviour.

"I've seen worse, let me assure you," said Helen, "I see you're enjoying the sun?" she added with a smile, to show Spike she was teasing him.

"Um……well……..obviously." God, he didn't know what to say. _"Come on,_ _Spike,"_ he said to himself firmly, _"get a grip!"_

Changing the subject quickly when she saw that, instead of making him smile, her teasing seemed to have made him uncomfortable.

"Did Andrew and you father tell you the other reason I'm here?" she asked.

"My fa….? Oh, Giles? I mean, I never call him father. No, Andrew just said you were coming today. Why?"

"I've volunteered my services as your unofficial physiotherapist," she declared, "I've got a whole list of exercises and so on from the hospital physical therapy department so I can help you get fit again. You looked like you were in good shape when you came in. " She blushed slightly under his gaze, "And so hopefully we can get you back there again."

"Really? Why would you do that? I mean, it's great an' all, but why? You don't know me." He knew it sounded ungrateful but he was astonished at what she'd said.

"I felt the first beat your heart gave in the ER and I know it sounds kooky but I've felt connected to you since then. In all my time as a nurse, I've never felt such an amazing thing as that."

Spike couldn't take his eyes from hers, vivid blue meeting warm brown. This woman had felt the first beat of his heart since he had died over 120 years ago. The very instant he became human again she was there.

"No, that doesn't sound kooky at all," he said quietly, "You brought me back from the dead, and you were there when I woke up, weren't you? I remember now. Before…….before I was taken to that room. All a bit blurry after that, but I knew you kept coming even if I didn't let you know. I always knew you were there."

He took hold of her hand and without thinking leant over and kissed her cheek.

"Thank you," he said.

ooooooooooo

Giles, looking out at the couple through the window of the lounge, saw Spike kiss Helen's cheek. He was glad he'd agreed to Helen's scheme. Not only would it do Spike good physically but also emotionally. Hopefully he'd forget about Buffy and move on.

"Yes," he said to himself, "Helen might just be perfect."

Andrew arrived back from his second day of research with a lot of papers tucked into a folder.

"I take it you did manage to find the Shanshu Prophecy then?" asked Giles.

"Yes, I did," replied Andrew, "I managed to find two translations of it and have spent the time cross checking until I was sure I'd gotten all the details correct."

It had taken hours of painstaking work but if it helped Spike it was well worth it in Andrew's mind.

"Shall I wait 'til Spike's here?" asked Andrew.

"No, tell me now. Helen's arrived. They're out in the garden and she can't hear about this," replied Giles.

"Basically," began Andrew, "the prophecy is as Spike said. The return to human form is a reward for playing a part in an apocalypse. The thing that's taken most of my time to get right is a footnote to the main prophecy itself. Since Spike sacrificed himself in the Hellmouth, then managed to reappear and yet again be in the thick of it fighting another apocalypse, he gets a bonus, if you like. In addition to being made human, his soul can never be destroyed. From now on whatever might befall Spike, his soul is safe and will never be parted from him again."

"Well done," Giles said, "you've done a good job in finding that out."

The younger man basked in the praise being given.

"I sent that email to Willow that you asked me to. I'm not sure why you wanted me to do it though."

"Look, Andrew, it's for the best. Spike's fragile right now. He's been through so much that I worry how he'd cope with all the attention. Letting Willow know the fate of the others and not mentioning finding Spike will give him time to recuperate. He hasn't said he wants the others to know either. He didn't the last time, did he?" Giles replied.

"That's true, but it seems mean to let everyone think he's gone and he isn't. He's back and he's human again."

"They've done their grieving for him, Andrew. A few months more won't make any difference. Did you tell Willow of my plans to stay here, that I'm helping with the local Watchers Council for a while?"

"Yes, I did, but I don't think it's fair that you get to stay with Spike and I have to go home and not tell anyone," whined Andrew, "I want to stay too."

"We've been through this before," sighed Giles, "There's no reason for both of us to stay. It's not necessary for the Council's work and so would raise suspicion. I need you to be in London and help Willow. She must be getting snowed under with work."

"Alright," Andrew agreed reluctantly, "I'll phone to book a flight."

tbc


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Ten 

Once Andrew had left amidst much tears – his- and embarrassment - Spike's- the ex vampire and the watcher settled into a routine. After breakfast, Giles left for the Council and Helen arrived to help Spike with his physiotherapy.

At first progress was slow, Spike frustrated by the fact so little improvement was seen. Patience was never his strong point, but Helen kept him calm when he got cross and motivated him when he wanted to give up.

For two weeks Helen spent most of the day with Spike, then when her leave ran out and she returned to work she'd come in the afternoon before her night shift started for a couple of hours to make sure he was keeping up with the schedule she'd set.

Spike missed her when she was back at work. She inspired him to get better, and gave him a reason to live as he increasingly found the thought of being human scary. What role could he now play, he wondered? He'd not be so useful in a fight and let's face it he wasn't the best thinker in the world so planning wouldn't be his thing either. He felt lost. The only thing that stopped him feeling that way was when Helen was with him.

ooooooooo

Six weeks after leaving the hospital Spike woke up early, as he tended to do these days. It wasn't because he had any trouble sleeping, more that he didn't want to waste a moment of daylight, having had to avoid it for so long. He went into the bathroom, showered, shaved and combed his hair, grimacing at its length and curls. It was so much easier when you could see yourself in a mirror.

"Bloody poofter," he said to his reflection and pulled a face.

He went downstairs, pleased he no longer had to cling to the banister to stop from falling. His limp was definitely getting better, the muscles responding to the daily physiotherapy. Today was Helen's day off and she'd promised to spend it with him and she had a surprise planned.

Spike was just finishing his breakfast when Giles walked in.

"Are you busy today?" asked Spike, hoping he'd be going to the Council and out of the way so he and Helen could be alone.

"No, I'm taking the day off," replied Giles, "I'm going to do as little as possible. I need a day at home."

Spike's face fell.

"Oh……great, you've been working hard," he said, _"Yeah, bloody great,_ _being_ _here like a gooseberry is all,"_ he added to himself, as he put his plate into the dishwasher with more force than necessary.

Soon afterwards Helen arrived, knocking on the door but coming straight in.

"Hi guys," she said cheerily, "Lovely morning, isn't it?"

"Hello, Helen. Yeah, it's a really nice morning," said Spike sulkily, still annoyed at Giles' decision to stay in.

He missed the look that Helen and Giles shared.

"Suppose we'd better get started on the exercises then?"

"No, we're not starting the exercises, Spike. We're going out for the day," she replied.

"What?" Spike spun round to see Helen and Giles grinning at him.

"You!" he said, pointing at Giles, "You bloody well knew about this, didn't you? Oh, I'm just having a day at home." Spike mimicked Giles as he repeated his words.

"I'm sorry," laughed Giles, "I couldn't resist it. I know you hate me around when Helen's here."

"Yeah, well, I just don't like you seeing me work out," said Spike, trying to cover the fact he wanted Helen to himself. But one look at Giles face and he knew he'd been rumbled. He shrugged. "So where are we of to then, pet?"

"I'm not telling," said Helen "You'll just have to trust me. Get your jacket and let's get out of here."

As Spike left the room to get his coat Giles told Helen,

"I'll be on my cell phone all day. If you need any help, a lift home if he gets too tired, anything, just call and I'll be with you straightaway. I'll see you later as planned."

"Thanks, Giles, that's reassuring. But I've got the day planned with plenty of time for him to rest up. He's got to get back out in the world sometime, can't just hideaway in here forever."

"I know," said Giles, nodding, "but take it easy with him. He's led a pretty solitary life really for the past year or so. Just worried he'll be overwhelmed."

Spike came back into the room with his jacket on – a badly fitting, blue denim one that Andrew had bought for him. He hated it but the only other jacket he possessed was his leather duster and he couldn't bring himself to wear that.

"Okay, I'm ready," he announced.

Helen walked over to him, took his hand in hers and turned to go.

"Just a moment," said Giles, "Here Spike, take this."

He handed Spike a long thin envelope. He took it and looked inside. Dollar bills - quite a lot of them. He looked over at Giles raising an eyebrow in an unspoken question.

"Just take it, Spike. Believe me you've earned it," adding with a smile, "Besides you can't expect Helen to pay for your day out, can you?"

"Er ……no, course not," Spike said, his voice thick with emotion. He coughed to try to disguise it. "Thanks."

"Come on!" Helen tugged at his hand. He looked back at Giles, nodded his head and went outside.

Stepping through the front door felt strange. He hadn't been through it since he arrived that night from the hospital. He paused fractionally, took a deep breath and went down the steps with Helen.

ooooooooo

They walked slowly, as Spike's left leg, although improving, still caused him to limp quite noticeably. Helen knew it still gave him a lot of pain. He refused to acknowledge it to her, but she could see every now and then that he clenched his jaw tight when a bolt of pain hit him.

"So where are you taking me? You're not going to keep me in the dark all day, are you love?"

"We're nearly at our first stop," said Helen, looking up at Spike with a smile.

A few yards further on and she stopped him.

"Here we are."

She'd brought him to a standstill outside of a shop. He looked at the sign and laughed.

"Oh, so you hate the hair too?"

"No, I love it. I think it's cute but I know you don't like it and…….."

"Cute? Cute?" interrupted Spike, "that's it. Let me get in there. It's gotta go. Cute! Christ!" He pushed the door open and went inside, Helen following him chuckling.

He sat in the chair, Helen having to bite her lip to stop from laughing out loud at his expression when a very camp man with pink streaks in his hair came over to attend to Spike.

"What can I do for you, sir? trilled the hairdresser, "Cover those roots for you?"

"No, just cut it off. All of it," said Spike.

"Oh, but it's such lovely hair, why don't……"

"Off. Short as possible and quick as you can mate, got other things I have to do."

The hairdresser sighed dramatically, ruffled his hand through Spike's hair a couple of times, then reached for his scissors.

"Don't you bloody dare laugh," Spike said to Helen, who was having trouble keeping a straight face.

He tried to glare at her through the mirror but just ended up grinning himself.

As the hairdresser cut his hair Spike looked at his reflection. He'd filled out a bit from his first sight of himself six weeks ago. His complexion was no longer deathly pale but lightly tanned. The scar was still very obvious - it always would be. He touched it with his fingers. In the mirror he could see Helen watching him.

"Doesn't mar my handsome good looks too much?" he joked, smiling at her.

"I think it's very sexy."

Spike nearly fell out of the chair. It wasn't Helen who'd replied but the hairdresser! Helen was doubled up silently laughing, tearing streaming down her face.

"There you go sir, all finished," said the hairdresser.

Spike quickly took in his new look. Hair cut about half an inch long all over, sandy brown, no hint of bleach blond left.

"Thanks," Spike said getting up from his seat as quickly as possible as he went to pay. He daren't catch Helen's eye, knowing she was still trying not to laugh out loud. He paid and they rushed out into the street, both collapsing in fits of giggles when they were out of sight.

"Sorry, Spike," gasped Helen, "When I made the appointment he wasn't there."

"I bet you'd have still booked it even if he had been, you sod," he laughed. "Come on, where now?" He rubbed a hand over his newly shorn hair. "I hope this looks less cute? That's not a word a fella likes to hear, you know."

"No, you don't look cute anymore, you look adorable!"

Helen shrieked as Spike made a grab for her and ran a few steps.

"Hey, that's not fair! You're too quick." For a second his smile faded as he recalled how quick and agile he'd been. If he'd still been a vampire he would have mended good as new. Then he looked at Helen and his smile returned. Maybe some things made up for others and he lunged after her laughing.

She let him catch her and as he swung her round to face him, their eyes met. They looked at each other tentatively. Spike lowered his head towards Helen, she responded by standing on her tiptoes. Then their lips met and he kissed her gently. Spike pulled back a little. When he saw she wanted it as much as he did he kissed her again, this time harder, longer, and with more passion. She melted into his arms and kissed back just as ardently.

"Ahem!"

The sound made them stop kissing and look round. A fat middle-aged woman was standing in front of them, looking very disapproving.

"Do you mind?"

They suddenly realised they were standing right in front of a store's entrance and the woman wanted to go in. The pair blushed, muttered an apology and walked out of the way.

They walked hand in hand until Helen once more stopped outside of a store.

"Here we are, phase two of the big day out."

"What have you got planned now? I dread to think."

"Relax," said Helen, "See, it's just clothes. I figured now you're well enough to go out and about you might want some clothes that actually fit." She gave his jacket a tug.

"You're not wrong there, love. I'm not sure what Andrew was thinking when he bought me this stuff, and I can hardly fasten these jeans anymore."

He was now back at more like his normal weight, not the skeletal frame he had when he left hospital. He wasn't as toned, perhaps never would be, but it was certainly an improvement.

An hour or so later and a couple of hundred dollars lighter the pair emerged, Spike transformed by a well fitting pair of black jeans (old habits die hard), a dark blue shirt and black leather jacket. The clothes he'd arrived in were consigned to the trash. He'd insisted on keeping his boots but had conceded a little by buying some shoes and a pair of light coloured trousers and several T- shirts and long sleeved shirts in various colours.

As they left the store Helen looked up at Spike and kicked herself. She recognised that look from their physiotherapy sessions. It was the look he had when he wouldn't give up despite the pain, determined to see it through. His eyes were narrowed slightly and there was a sheen of sweat on his brow.

"I don't know about you but I could do with a coffee," she said brightly, "Look, we can get one over there."

She pointed to a little place almost opposite them with tables outside. Spike nodded his agreement, trying to hide his relief and they made their way to the tables. Spike lowered himself into his chair carefully, grimacing. He stretched his leg out in front of him and gave it a rub.

"Are you ok?" asked Helen with concern.

"Fine. Now what do you fancy?" he replied, reluctant as always to admit weakness or the fact he was hurting to her. He reached out to hold her hand.

They ordered coffees and sat there chatting easily. Well, Helen chatted and Spike listened.

"Come on, your turn. You know everything about me but you never tell me any of your stories," said Helen.

"Not much to tell, pet," replied Spike, thinking, _"What can I tell her? Over a hundred and twenty years and barely a memory fit to tell, even after I got my soul back. Can't really tell her I was a vampire (oh yes they are real, love), and at one time I had my hands hacked off by a deranged slayer but the shaman at an evil law firm magicked them back on again good as new. No, not much to tell."_

"How can that be? You know all about my family and friends and, apart from Giles and Andrew, I don't know anything about yours," insisted Helen, regretting the words as soon as she'd said them.

A closed look came across his face. He let go of her hand.

"My friends are all dead, Helen. I'm sorry if I can't regale merry tales for you, but I just can't. It's………" he stood to leave.

"Don't please, I'm sorry," said Helen, catching his hand to stop him, "It's just I like you so much I just want you to know that you can tell me anything, good or bad. It won't change my feelings."

"_I'm not so sure about that,"_ thought Spike, sitting back down again and looking at Helen.

"It's okay, it's just I've lived in the past for so long I need to be able to see a future, not be haunted by ghosts of my past any more. I can't tell you I'll ever be able to talk about it with you. I do want you in my future, but is that enough? I know you deserve to know it all but I can't."

His face was so full of pain as he spoke that Helen had to choke back tears.

"I can settle for you wanting me in your future. Yes, that's enough for me, Spike." She leant over and kissed him.

"Right, phase three," she announced, standing up.

She saw from Spike's expression that he was tired and that his leg still hurt so she quickly added, "Don't worry, this is the easiest one. We just need to find a cab. You wait here, won't be long." She turned and walked away from the table to see if she could catch one that was passing.

Spike sat there, watching her. He realised he really did mean what he'd said, she wasn't just part of his future, she was his future. After a few minutes a cab hooted from the kerb to get his attention, Helen already inside. He got up, collected his bags and walked to it. Once inside the cab sped off and they got out at the beach. It was a bright sunny day but not hot so the beach wasn't too crowded.

Helen looked at her watch.

"We're a bit late, he must already be here," she said, looking up and down.

Spike started to ask who when he spotted Giles walking towards them carrying a hamper and beach bag.

"Thought I was in the wrong place when you weren't here on time," he said, "Having a good day?"

"Yeah, but what are you doing here? You two been plotting again?" He put his head on one side and looked at Helen with a smile.

"Phase three, lunch is served," she said, indicating the hamper she'd taken from Giles. "Now give him your bags to take home and we can go eat."

"She's really got this thought through, hasn't she?" Spike said to Giles, as Helen started to walk down to the sand.

"You should see the orders she gave me. I was so scared of turning up late that I've been here for twenty minutes. She's amazing."

"She certainly is," agreed Spike and he handed over the bags of clothes and went to join her, struggling a bit in the loose sand.

By the time he'd got to her she'd already laid a couple of towels out to sit on and was unpacking food from the hamper.

"Since we've had such a busy morning, I thought chilling out on the beach for the afternoon would be nice."

He sat down, pulled her towards him and kissed her.

"This is the best day of my life," he murmured in her ear.

After a while they remembered their lunch!

ooooooooooo

Much later, they packed up all the crockery and towels and left their shoes, hoping it would all still be there when they got back, and went for a stroll along the edge of the ocean, walking on the firm wet sand near the waves to be easier for Spike.

Helen looked at Spike as they walked along and knew she's fallen in love with him. She'd been a little in love with him since she'd first felt his heart beat, though she'd tried to deny it as being foolish. Now that she'd spent this time with him she was certain.

Spike caught Helen looking at him and stopped.

"What?" he said, tilting his head in that way of his that always made her heart melt.

"Nothing, just looking," she replied, reaching up and kissing his nose then running away a few steps before stopping. "Come on, you're not chicken, are you?" she goaded.

So far he'd done well with his exercises but knew he was very self-conscious of his limp. He tended to walk as slowly as possible, not just to prevent the pain, but also because his limp showed less when he did so.

As they were walking through the store and he'd caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror as he went by, she'd seen the look of disgust at himself. She wanted him to realise that, limp or no, he was attractive and capable of playing around. He hadn't attempted to run yet and since the next stage of his exercise plan included some steady jogging she thought she's try to get him to do it today whilst he was having fun, now that he was rested. Hopefully he'd not realise he was getting pushed a bit harder again.

She splashed him, bending down and scooping up a double handful of water and accurately hitting its target.

"You little minx!" Spike said.

He went to grab her. This time she didn't let him catch her like she had earlier, instead she stepped out of reach, going backwards so she could see him. She splashed him again, laughing, then turned and jogged slowly away.

A hand grabbed her shoulder.

"Gotcha!" shouted Spike.

"Last one to our shoes pays the cab fare home," she laughed, and turned away once more.

Spike's hand found hers and they jogged gently along the beach. Spike, concentrating hard, willed his lame leg to work properly to keep up with her. By the time they'd reached their belongings just a couple of hundred yards away, Spike was panting hard. When they stopped he put his hands on his knees and tried to catch his breath.

"Don't tell me. Phase four," he gasped.

He laughed at her astonishment.

"I know you too well, Nurse Helen," he joked, "You always try to sneak in the new exercises without me noticing. You're a hard taskmaster."

"And you, occasionally, are a model patient," she replied smiling, "Let's get home now, it's been a long day."

"A good day," said Spike. "When's phase five?"

She looked at him quizzically, "Phase five?"

He gave her a frankly lustful look and raised his eyebrows. She blushed, gave his arm a playful thump, and picked up the hamper. Spike smiled to himself. Phase five wasn't so far away after all!

oooooooooo

Another month passed and the change in Spike was dramatic. He still limped, he always would, but it wasn't too bad now except when he got tired. The rest of his body was now toned and he looked fit. Every morning and evening he went for a steady jog for an hour or so, determined to keep pushing to get in the best physical shape possible. He was no longer really aware of the limp - he'd accepted that it was part of him, like the scar on his forehead. He knew he drew a few strange looks as he jogged past people, I mean, a jogger with a limp? What was that about? The scar often drew looks too but he found he didn't care. Helen loved him as he was and that was good enough for him.

The pair had been inseparable since his first day away from the house. They went out together as often as they could around Helen's work shifts, going out for meals or sometimes just walking on the beach holding hands.

Phase five hadn't been reached yet. Spike knew she wanted it, but he was scared of taking that extra step too soon, aware that his past relationships had all been distinctly odd. Drusilla, his first love, was an insane vampire, and Harmony, another vamp, was as vacuous as Drusilla was mad. Then there was Buffy…….the destructive physical relationship followed by the tenderness they'd shared just before the apocalypse. The tantalising thought of what might have been. Try as he might he still thought of Buffy.

Spike pushed himself a bit harder as if running faster could make the thoughts go away. His feelings for Helen were real. Buffy was just a fantasy that could never be.

He arrived back at the house exhausted. He walked for the last ten minutes or so, knowing that it helped his leg rather than to just run and stop. He saw Helen's car on the driveway and he was smiling as he went into the house.

"This is a nice surprise," he said kissing her, "I wasn't expecting you 'til later."

"I swapped with Anna. She wanted to come in an hour late and so I covered for her and got off an hour early," she replied.

"Where's Giles?"

"He said to say he'd be gone 'til late, something to do with work."

"Is that right?" said Spike, "So we've got the place to ourselves then." He kissed her again," I'll just go up and get a shower, won't be long."

She watched him leave the room and go upstairs.

Spike showered quickly, wrapped a towel round his waist and went into his bedroom to get dressed. The first thing he noticed was a neat pile of clothes on the chair, the second, which brought him to a standstill, was the sight of Helen laying under the covers of his bed.

"Think it's time for Phase Five, don't you?" She smiled at him and pulled the corner of the quilt down, inviting him in.

How could he resist? He was after all, only human!

Later, as they lay in each other's arms, Spike felt as if he'd finally been able to lay the last ghost of his past, Helen filling the void left by Buffy.

tbc


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten 

Giles looked at his watch anxiously. Where was Spike? He'd gone out for his jog nearly two hours ago, and he was never away this long. Plus it was now dark and Spike had a tendency not to be out alone at night, perversely his vampire fear of the daylight turning into a human fear of the dark. It was probably because he knew exactly what creatures roamed the night.

Giles knew Helen was at work so Spike wasn't delayed with her. He did have a tendency to forget time when he was with her. Giles started towards the door, thinking he'd drive around to see if he could see him, when it was flung open. Spike half fell into the room, nose bloody, right eye already swelling up, lips split.

"My God! Spike, what happened?" exclaimed Giles, rushing to his aid.

Spike was so out of breath he couldn't answer; he just pointed to the sofa. Giles helped him to it. He collapsed into it, laying his head back, with his eyes shut. Giles feared he was going to lose consciousness and gave him a gentle shake.

"Spike," he said sharply.

Spike opened his eyes and looked at him.

"Just give me a moment," he gasped. When he got his breathing under control he spoke again.

"Went a different way for a change but I didn't realise it was so much further. My leg was getting bit sore so I was walking to give it a rest when I got hit from behind."

"You were mugged?" said Giles.

"Not exactly, see, it was a vampire. The sun had just about gone down and it was very shady where I was. Should know better than going into dark alleys - God knows I've hung out in them enough myself," continued Spike, "Anyway, I was sent sprawling to the floor then as I turned over to get up, there he was. He was just about to make me his happy meal, when we recognised each other. It was Doug, he'd been in my crew when I was with Drusilla. To cut a long and painful story short, he knew who I was and he knew I was human. He went to go tell and I knew I had to kill him if I didn't want word to get out that I'm alive."

"And did you…….?"

"Yeah, he's dust. More luck than judgement, I guess. We tussled a bit then I managed to kick him with my right leg just before my other gave way and I fell down. He went backwards and hit a broken piece of fencing. Fortunately for me it hit the right spot 'cause it took me five minutes to get up. Knocked the stuffing out of me good and proper.

"I think perhaps it's not safe here in LA for you now you're able to get out and about. Too many demons would be after your blood if they knew you were alive," said Giles.

"You're not wrong, Rupert."

"How do you feel about returning to England?"

ooooooooo

They told Helen he'd been mugged.

"You need to be checked out at the hospital," she said, gently touching his battered face.

"No, love," Spike said firmly, "I've had enough of hospitals, besides I've got my own personal nurse. What more could a fella want? Really, I'm okay. It looks worse than it is, just bruises is all."

"Alright, no hospital," agreed Helen, knowing that once Spike had made his mind up about something he wouldn't change it.

Giles had tactfully left the room. He knew Spike would want to be alone with Helen when he broke the news.

"Listen, pet, there's something I need to tell you," he said, eyes averted. The serious tone of his voice almost made her heart stop beating.

"This has made me do some thinking and I've decided to go back to England."

Helen was sure her heart had stopped.

"Giles can't stay here any longer and I feel I'd be able to do better over there. America's had enough of me, I think, and I certainly have of her."

"What about me?...Us?" Helen said quietly.

Spike looked at her, saw her face had paled, and knew what she was thinking.

"Oh, Helen," he took her in his arms, "I'm sorry, I should have asked first. I want you to come with me, if you can. I you want to, I mean……" his words fading away as she kissed him.

"So is that a yes?" he asked.

"Yes, it's a yes! But when are we going? I can't just walk out on work."

"Giles wants to go as soon as possible, probably in the next couple of days, and I'll have to go with him. I can't expect him to keep paying for this house."

"But I'll have to give a month's notice," Helen said in dismay, pulling away.

"I know love, but it'll soon pass. We'll be together again before we know it. Plus I'll be able to get settled, find a place to live, get a job I suppose. I can't freeload forever, and I want you to be sure."

"But I am!" Helen exclaimed.

"Shh, it's a big thing I'm asking you, leaving behind family and friends and all for me. Let's face it, pet, half the time you've known me I was unconscious," he said with a grin, trying to make her laugh. It didn't work.

"I've never been more certain of anything," said Helen, "You're just going to tell me not to come once you're over there. Well, if you want rid of me, tell me now face to face." Her face flushed as she looked at him, tears starting to fall down her cheeks.

"Hey, steady on, that's not what I'm going to do. I wish you could come straightaway or I could stay but we can't do that, so we need to make the best of it. Think we might run up a bit of a phone bill, though, in the meantime!"

He hugged her close once more, feeling her sobs subside. If ever he'd doubted she loved him, he'd got his answer. It scared him a little.

"_I hope I'm worth it, love."_

Oooooooooo

A few days later Spike and Giles made their way to the airport to catch the flight to London. Spike had said goodbye to Helen the previous evening. They'd been out for a meal then went home and made love. It was bittersweet knowing they wouldn't be together again for over three weeks. It seemed an age. Helen cried herself to sleep afterwards as she lay with her head on Spike's shoulder, his arm around her. Spike barely slept at all. He didn't know what to expect when he got back to England. He wasn't sure Giles wouldn't just tell him that he was on his own and leave him to it. As much as he hated to admit it, he'd grown fond of Giles and had come to rely on him.

They sat waiting to board the plane.

"Andrew is the only one who knows you're coming back with me. He's found you an apartment not too far to the Councils Headquarters, which are in a big three story townhouse. Andrew and I have flats on the top floor, so we're close enough if you need us. The rent's paid for six months and I've arranged for an allowance to be paid to you monthly.

"But Giles," interrupted Spike.

"No, hear me out, Spike," he said firmly, " You'll get a monthly allowance - you've earned it and you can help with the Council's work, training slayers and such. But to start with I want you to get settled, get Helen over with you and lead a normal life. You can start work in six months and we'll tell everyone else then. Agreed?"

"Agreed. Thanks, Giles. And thanks for not telling the others. I couldn't face it just yet - not sure I can face it at all, truth be told. Just too bleeding weird.

"You will be able to, Spike. Once you're feeling more settled, you'll become a real part of the team. You can put your knowledge of vampires and demons to good use for us. Especially now you can work in the daylight," he quipped.

Spike smiled at the watcher. Who would've thought the pair of them would ever be sitting discussing plans for work.

Their flight was called, they boarded and found their seats in the centre row, Spike declining a window seat when they'd checked in. He'd only been on a plane a couple of times and that was in Wolfram & Hart's magically fast private jets. He hadn't enjoyed being up so high so he reckoned not actually being able to see how high he was might help his nerves. After all this ordinary flight was going to take a lot longer.

"One good thing about no longer having a vampire constitution was it was a lot easier to get pissed," Spike said to himself. A good couple of double shots of Jack Daniels and he'd be asleep for the journey.

A few hours later, he nudged Giles for the umpteenth time, his plans for sleeping the flight away scampered by Giles's persistent snoring. Giles shifted in his sleep but neither woke up nor stopped snoring.

"_Bloody hell,"_ thought Spike, _"if I could still bite him I would!"_ He gave him an extra hard nudge with his elbow.

"What?" said Giles, startling awake.

"Nothing, mate. Sorry, my arm slipped on the rest. They're serving a meal soon," he lied, "Didn't think you'd want to miss it."

"Oh? Good, I am feeling rather peckish," said Giles perking up and sitting up straighter.

Spike waited for a couple of minutes to make sure Giles was staying awake before putting his own seat back and drifting off to sleep.

He woke as the plane started its descent into London's Heathrow airport. It seemed appropriate to be going to London - he'd been born there, he'd been made into a vampire there by Drusilla, and now he was returning as a human.

After what seemed like an age, they retrieved their bags and got through customs, the weary travellers pleased to see Andrew there waiting for them. When Andrew saw them he ducked under the barrier and ran to Spike, flinging his arms around him.

"Oh for the love of……….." started Spike before he was engulfed by Andrew's enthusiastic welcome.

"Gerrof, mate," he said, shrugging Andrew away in embarrassment.

He looked over at Giles who was chuckling and gave him his best scowl that was still pretty impressive even without his vamp face.

They made their way out to Andrew's car and he drove them to Spike's new flat. It was the ground floor of a small townhouse, with big bay windows letting in lots of light. It had a small kitchen, sitting room with dining table at one end, a double bedroom and tiny bathroom. Spike walked around it, liking what he saw. There were double doors from the sitting room out into the garden.

"Only your flat has access to the garden," said Andrew, "It's not a shared one." He'd searched and searched until he found the perfect place for Spike, dismissing any in basements as he didn't want to remind Spike of his years of skulking in the dark. He knew how much Spike had loved the garden in LA.

"It's great, Andrew, thanks," said Spike, hardly able to believe he'd got his own place again. Helen would love it.

Andrew was delighted.

"Come on, Andrew," said Giles "Let's leave Spike to settle in and get ourselves home.

"I've left the address, phone number and directions for the Council's offices on the table. It's only a fifteen minute walk so you'll be handy when you start work with us," Andrew told Spike.

With that they left. Spike gave the apartment the once over. In the kitchen he opened a couple of cupboards, smiling as he saw that Andrew had stocked up for him with provisions, so no need to go shopping just yet. He opened the doors into the garden. It had a small area of lawn with big herbaceous borders, giving a typical English garden feel.

He packed away his few belongings and reached for the phone to call Helen.

tbc


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven 

The next couple of weeks passed quickly. Spike familiarised himself with the local area. He still jogged twice a day, pushing himself hard to keep as fit as possible, and ignoring his limp since he was resigned to it being permanent. He looked to be in good shape and was starting to feel more relaxed, coming to terms with being human.

They'd decided not to tell the others until Spike started work in another eight weeks time. This had proven quite tricky since Willow, although she didn't live in the Council apartments, was there everyday. So Spike got into the habit of dropping in to see Giles and Andrew twice per week in the evening after she'd gone home. He always walked there, enjoying the long summer days, knowing he'd still be home before dark.

After one such visit Spike let himself out of the front door and headed off to the left to make his way home. He was lost in his thoughts as finally tomorrow was the day Helen was due to arrive.

Behind him a taxi pulled up at the kerb and a pretty blonde woman got out. She paid the driver and as she waited for him to get her bag out of the trunk she looked down the road. For a moment her heart missed a beat as she noticed a man walking away from her. But she shook her head and scolded herself for being so stupid. The man walking away had a slight limp and sandy brown hair.

"God, after all this time you'd think I'd stop being like this," she said to herself, taking her bag and walking to the Council's front door, "I mean it's daylight! What was I thinking?"

She wondered if she'd ever stop seeing him where he couldn't be. Would she always be ruled by the hope that Spike was still alive? Countless times since she'd left him in the Hellmouth, sacrificing himself to save the world, she would catch a glimpse of a slim man from the corner of her eye. She would have to look again, hoping it was he. Every time she was disappointed. Today was the first time she'd done it in daylight though. There'd just been something familiar about him but then she took in the limp and the very fact it was daylight, which told her that once again her eyes were playing tricks on her.

With a sigh she rang the doorbell. She hoped Giles was in - she really should have phoned first.

"Buffy!" exclaimed Giles as he opened the door, "What on earth are you doing here?" He glanced anxiously up the road as he stepped back to let her in.

Once they were settled in the lounge, drinks in hand, Giles asked her,

"Is everything alright, Buffy? It's not Dawn, is it?

"Oh no, nothing like that. Do you remember Antonella?" she replied, talking of one of the slayers under her care in Rome, "Well, her grandmother has been taken ill and she wanted to come to London to be with her. I didn't want her travelling alone as she was upset so I thought I'd hop on the plane with her and see you guys for a couple of days. I know I should have called first or emailed but then I opted for surprise. It is okay, isn't it?"

"Of course it is. Andrew's away in Devon at the moment but I know Willow will be delighted to see you, as am I."

They chatted away until the early hours catching up on all the news. Well not quite all the news….

ooooooooooo

Spike was up early, excited at the prospect of Helen's arrival. He was feeling a bit nervous, too. He hoped she liked it here. He looked round the apartment. Nothing was out of place so he nodded, satisfied that he'd got it looking as nice as possible. Outside a car horn hooted. He glanced out of the window - the cab he'd ordered had arrived. So far Giles hadn't managed to get him a driver's licence as he'd not wanted to use the Council's contacts in case Willow spotted it. Spike's date of birth was also a bit of an issue if they tried to get it through normal channels. As he rushed outside to set off to the airport he heard the phone starting to ring as he shut the front door but he just left it for the answer phone to pick up.

Giles groaned with frustration as he heard the message start on Spike's machine. He'd hoped to catch him before he left to collect Helen.

"Spike, it's me. Just want you to know Buffy is here so don't come round. She'll be gone by Thursday so I'll see you both then."

"Who don't you want coming round while I'm here?" asked Buffy, walking into the room.

"What?" Giles started guiltily at her voice, "Oh, just a couple of Watchers who were going to come. I don't want to be tied up with work when you're here."

Mercifully at this point, Willow arrived and the two girls were soon giggling together and planning what to do.

ooooooooooooo

Spike paced up and down near arrivals. He'd gotten there way too early but now finally the signs were indicating that the flight had landed and that the baggage was in the hall for collection. Any minute now she'd come through the doors.

He saw her before she saw him. She was pulling along her suitcase, carrying her coat. Her eyes scanned the crowd opposite to where Spike stood. Before he could call her name she turned and saw him. She ran towards him, almost knocking a man over in her haste, the suitcase bashing his leg. The man started to shout something after her but stopped when he saw her get scooped up into the arms of a handsome man, who swung her round, hugging her tight and kissing her passionately. His harsh words turned into a wry smile. No wonder she rushed past him if that's the reception she knew she'd get!

When they got back to the apartment Spike led her by the hand to the front door, carrying her suitcase in the other. He paused and looked at her nervously before he opened it.

"Well, sweetheart, here we are - home sweet home. I hope you like it. I mean, it's not very big or anything."

Helen looked at Spike, guessing at his nerves, as always worried he wasn't good enough for her. She dispelled his fears by leaning up and kissing him.

"I don't care how big it is," she said, "I'm more concerned with how big something else might be?"

She grinned up at him, his face a picture when he realised what she meant.

"Why, you saucy devil!" he exclaimed as he opened the door. "I think we'd better start the tour in here."

With that he swept her off her feet into his arms and carried her through to the bedroom. He flung her down on the bed laughing. For the next few hours they were lost to the world, making up for lost time……

ooooooooooooo

After spending the day with Willow and Giles, Buffy was now sitting in a pub with Willow, Giles having declined to join them, knowing the girls would like time to themselves. It'd been months since they'd last met although they did call each other regularly.

Willow told Buffy the details of her split with Kennedy. That there was nobody else involved, they'd just drifted further and further apart. Kennedy throwing herself into the training of the now many slayers with a passion Willow couldn't share. Willow did not regret for a moment her decision to move to London.

"What about you, Buff? Are you doing okay?" she asked, knowing that Buffy's split from the Immortal had been anything but easy.

"Oh Will, I don't know what to say," replied Buffy, close to tears, "I just know I've lost the one really true love in my life forever. I know I should be over it by now but I don't think I ever will be."

Willow looked at her friend in dismay. Poor Buffy, she never did have things easy in the love stakes.

"Do you want him back?" she asked gently.

"More than anything, but it can never be," said Buffy, tears now overflowing and falling down her cheeks.

"But surely the Immortal will take you back? I mean he didn't want to let you go in the first place."

All the team had been relieved when they'd split. Although charming when he wanted to be the Immortal had a past darker and dirtier than anyone they'd ever known. Willow had hoped her friend would find happiness with someone else.

"The Immortal?…….What? ……..God no!" exclaimed Buffy, "I never want to see him again."

"But I thought you said…." started Willow.

"Spike! I'm in love with Spike and I let him burn in the Hellmouth!" With this Buffy put her head in her hands and wept.

Willow was taken aback. She didn't know what to say to comfort her friend. She knew Buffy and Spike had become close once he'd gotten his soul back but she never suspected this.

"I keep seeing him. Thinking I see him everywhere I go. I even thought I'd seen him yesterday when I arrived at Giles and that was in broad daylight. Will, I think I'm going mad."

"I don't know what to say," said Willow honestly.

"There's nothing you can say. Sorry for dumping this on you but for some reason it's getting harder, not easier, to accept that he's gone. I told him I loved him in the Hellmouth when he started to glow from the amulet. I asked him to leave with me but he wouldn't. He told me 'no you don't but thanks for saying it'. He didn't believe me, Willow. I let him die and he thought I didn't love him; that I'd just said what he wanted to hear. She sobbed harder still, "But I did mean it, I really did!"

"Listen, Buffy," Willow said sharply to get her friend's attention, "There's nothing you could have done. Spike knew he was doing the right thing in closing the Hellmouth. Once Spike made up his mind you couldn't change it. He died a hero saving the world. He'd never want you to be sad like this. You've got to try to get over it, Buffy. Like Tara we can't bring him back."

"I know Will, I know, but it's so hard. He never knew I loved him."

Willow moved her seat around so she could hug her friend. Poor Buffy, she thought, at least when Tara died I knew she knew I loved her.

Buffy sniffed a few times, wiping her eyes on the tissue Willow offered, and tried to pull herself together.

"God, I'm sorry Will. Just what you need - a nice relaxing evening out with me bawling."

"Don't worry about it. What are friends for? I'm just glad it wasn't the Immortal you were talking about. With that I couldn't deal."

Buffy looked at Willow.

"He wasn't that bad," she said.

Willow raised her eyebrows at her.

"Okay, he was that bad." she said with a small smile.

"Come on," said Willow, "let's go home."

Oooooooooooooo

Spike got up at his usual early time, leaving Helen asleep in bed. He smiled and kissed her cheek as he left the room. They'd spent the best part of yesterday in the bedroom making love hungrily, surfacing only to have a meal Spike prepared, eating it by candlelight. He knew Helen had been exhausted last night by the time they fell asleep in each other's arms, so he thought he'd call in on Giles when out for his morning run. He spotted the message light flashing on the answer phone and remembered the call he'd missed as he left to collect Helen. Since only Helen, Giles and Andrew knew the number he thought he'd better listen to it now.

"Spike, it's me. I just want you to know Buffy is here………." the rest of Giles' message went unheard.

Buffy! Here! He stood rooted to the spot, then realised he was holding his breath. He breathed out and pressed play again and this time heard all of the message.

"…..don't come round……."

He deleted the message and looked back towards the bedroom, grateful that Helen was asleep. No way could she have noticed the way the message had affected him.

"Oh God, Helen, I'm sorry but Buffy….." he started to say to himself, "No, don't be stupid, she with the Immortal. She's forgotten about me and a human with a dodgy leg would never hold her attention for long anyway!"

He shook his head rapidly as if to dispel his thoughts and went outside, turning in the opposite direction to where Giles and Buffy were. He ran as hard as he could, knowing he would pay for it later but not caring. He just needed to vent his frustration that although he cared for Helen deeply, he knew he'd never love her in the way she deserved. He'd gotten his soul for Buffy and his newly beating heart seemed to belong to her too.

Helen was up when he got back, sitting there in her pyjamas. She looked beautiful, hair still messy from the bed. She'd given up everything for him.

'Why does Buffy always have to be there?' thought Spike, 'I think I'm over her but one mention of her name and I know I'm not. It can't go on.'

"Morning, Sleepyhead." He went over and kissed the top of her head.

She smiled up at him, looking at him with such love, he felt as if he'd been unfaithful just by thinking of Buffy.

"What do you fancy for breakfast?"

Helen watched him walk over to the kitchen.

"You sit down, Spike," she said, "I'll fix it and you rest a while." Noticing his limp was more pronounced, "You've been overdoing your running again," she scolded.

"Yeah, well, a little bit I suppose. I just wanted to get back to you as quick as possible," he replied, sitting down gratefully and stretching out his leg.

"Are we going to see Andrew and Giles today?" called Helen from the kitchen.

"I thought we'd go tomorrow evening. I'd just like to keep you to myself a bit longer," he replied, "Andrew's away until then."

No way did Spike want to see Buffy, not when just hearing her name had such an effect. It'll be okay, Helen's here. 'It'll be fine, won't think of Buffy. Just concentrate on Helen,' he tried to convince himself.

ooooooooooo

The next evening Helen and Spike went to meet up with Giles and Andrew, Buffy having left that morning for Rome and Willow having gone home.

"Helen, it's wonderful to see you again," said Giles as he let them in, "I hope you're feeling fit. The apartment's on the top floor.

Once upstairs they settled down in the comfortable armchairs in the lounge. Andrew, back from his trip, got everyone a drink.

"Let's have a toast." He declared holding up his glass. "To the future!"

"To the future." The others repeated, chinking their glasses together.

'Yes', thought Spike, 'the future not the past - that's what I must focus on.'

"Now, Helen, how are you finding London? Do you like your flat?" asked Giles.

"Oh it's lovely, perfect for us." She looked at Spike as she said it, Spike once more feeling the weight of her love.

"I want to see all the sights so I can tell them back home what being over here's like," she continued.

She didn't mention the argument that she'd had with her parents when she announced her intention to follow Spike to England. A man they'd never met. Hopefully they'd come round to the idea once they realised how happy she was. It had been their idea for her to take a six month leave of absence from work rather than just quit. She'd agreed to keep them happy knowing a phone call was all that was needed to end it.

They chatted easily over dinner, managing to give Helen the cover story they usually used about the Council's work. Although since Helen was with Spike she'd surely have to be told of the army of slayers fighting vampires and demons and averting apocalypses whilst the rest of the human population was blissfully ignorant of the fact., but for now they decided to keep things simple. The Watchers Council was an aid organisation working throughout the globe. Spike's job was going to be training the workers in self-defence as they were often sent to dangerously unstable countries. Helen accepted this and offered her nursing skills if ever they were needed.

Spike and Helen left after midnight, Spike declining Helen's idea of a stroll home, insisting on a taxi, as ever avoiding being out in the dark.

tbc


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve 

The next few weeks passed quickly. Helen and Spike were once again inseparable as they did the tourist trail: The Tower of London, Buckingham Palace, open top bus tours, the works.

The three months were almost up and it was time for the truth to be told. Giles told Spike that he'd sent word to Xander and to Buffy and Dawn to come to London for a while, telling them it was important but not giving any details. They were all due to arrive at the end of the week. Xander was to stay with Willow and Buffy and Dawn with Andrew and Giles as their apartment was bigger.

Spike was very apprehensive about it although he knew it had to be done. It wasn't just seeing Buffy that was bothering him; the history between the others meant it was bound to be uncomfortable. Xander made it quite clear he'd never liked him, especially after the attempted rape. He'd told Dawn of it, ruining the friendship they'd shared. Willow, of them all, probably would understand the best, how sometimes the dark just took over unless you fought back. She'd succumbed to totally evil black magic after Tara had been murdered but had worked hard with Giles and the Westbury coven and was now firmly back on the side of good.

Spike told Helen he wanted to meet with everyone for the first time on his own. She protested saying she should be there.

"Look, love," said Spike, " I know you want to meet them and you will. It's too long a story to tell now but they thought I'd died over a year ago. I know it was stupid but, apart from Giles and Andrew, I let them think it all this time, just decided they were best off not knowing. Now that I'm settled back here I need to come clean but I'm not sure how they'll take it. So I'd rather they meet you when they've gotten over the shock. Okay?"

"Alright," agreed Helen reluctantly. Over the last few weeks she'd learnt that there was a lot about Spike's past he'd never share - she just had to accept it.

ooooooooo

Spike knew that everyone was arriving today. They'd coordinated Xander's and Buffy's flights to arrive as close together as possible in order to save making two trips to the airport. Willow, Giles and Andrew were all going to collect them. They were due back at the apartment at midday. He looked at his watch. It was only nine am; he'd have plenty of time to do his usual route for his run, spend some time with Helen and be ready to meet everyone at two as arranged.

"Won't be long," he called to Helen as he went out of the door.

He jogged steadily along, careful not to push too hard. He was still vain enough not to want his limp to be any worse than it had to be.

When he got home Helen already had the shower running for him. He took off his sweaty clothes and got under the jet of water, turning it to cold for the last few seconds before getting dried and dressed. He put on his favourite black jeans but took his time to select his shirt, taking several on and off before predictably settling on a black T shirt.

Breakfast was a quiet affair. He knew that Helen was hurt about him not taking her. He pushed his food around, eating little. He was too nervous.

"Shall we go for a walk along the river?" asked Spike.

"If you like," said Helen in a small voice.

He got up, cleared away the plates and then knelt beside her.

"I'm sorry about today, love, I really am. But I've got to do it my way, pet. I will make it up to you, I promise."

"I know," said Helen, "It's just I hate it when you shut me out. I love you and want to be there for you. I know you're nervous about meeting them again. I don't know why I can't be there to support you."

Spike sighed.

"_Because they'll want to hear how I survived the Hellmouth, how I returned as a human. How can I possibly explain that to you?"_

Aloud he said,

"It's me, it's just the way I am." He kissed her gently and stood up, "Some things I just have to do on my own. Come on get your jacket and let's go for that walk."

ooooooooooo

Xander was the first to arrive, walking into the arrivals hall looking tanned and healthy. He drew a few sideways glances due to the patch over his left eye, giving him a slightly piratical look as his hair was longer than he used to wear it.

"Xander!" called Willow, rushing towards him. Although e-mails and the odd phone call kept them in touch she hadn't seen him in well over six months.

"Hey, Will, go easy!" he laughed as the slim red haired witch hugged him tight.

They walked over to where Giles and Andrew were standing.

"Good to see you again," said Giles, offering his hand.

Xander took it but then pulled him into a hug.

"I think after all we've been through a handshake's a bit formal, don't you?"

"I've taped all the episodes of Dr. Who for you since it started again," said Andrew.

"That's great! Seen few clips on the internet but I will look forward to a serious 'Who' fest. Are you in?"

"I'm in." said Andrew grinning from ear to ear. At last there was someone who liked the same TV shows as he did.

"So what is so important, Englishman, that you had me fly thousands of miles to see you rather than just e-mail me?" asked Xander, intrigued that the remains of the 'Scooby Gang' were being assembled together.

"All in good time," said Giles, "Let's have a cup of tea. Buffy and Dawn should be landing in about half an hour."

As it was the flight was delayed but soon after it landed Buffy and Dawn came through to meet the others. Both girls looked stunning. Buffy's hair fell below her shoulders, lightened by the Italian sun. Dawn looked taller than ever - at nearly eighteen she looked very much the young woman, her hair cut into a stylish short bob.

After everyone hugged hello, Giles ushered them to the waiting car, wanting to get them home before Spike's arrival.

They got back with half an hour to spare. Giles fussed around offering drinks and a few snacks, obviously nervous about something. Andrew had lapsed into silence that was even more disquietening as he usually never stopped yammering.

"Giles, enough," said Buffy firmly, taking the teapot from him and setting it down with a clatter on the table, "What's going on? You're starting to spook me. Is there another apocalypse? I mean it's been a while since the last one. Why have you got us all here?"

Before Giles could answer a voice from the doorway said,

"Because of me."

Everyone spun around to look at the speaker. They couldn't believe their eyes, was it really…………?

Spike walked slowly into the room. His heart was hammering like it was trying to get out of his chest as he looked at Buffy.

"Hello, Buffy," he said as he got close to her. He looked at her almost shyly.

"Spike?" she whispered, "Is it really you?"

"Good God, Spike!" exclaimed Xander, "What's going on?"

Willow just stood there astonished.

Dawn was the first to move. She strode over to him and kicked his left leg, hard.

"Bloody hell, Niblet!" howled Spike, "What was that for?"

He walked over to a chair, all of them suddenly aware that he no longer walked with a swagger but with a limp that had nothing to do with Dawn's kick.

"Oh no!" cried Dawn, "I'm sorry! I was just mad that you aren't dead!"

Everyone looked at her in horror.

"No, I mean………we thought you were dead…"

Spike and Dawn looked at each other.

"Well, that's alright then," said Spike dryly and everyone laughed, easing the tension.

Buffy looked at Spike intently as they settled back down in their seats. She noticed his hair. It was the first time she'd seen its natural colour. It was cropped short, not brushed back like it used to be. There was a scar that ran down his forehead to his left eye, the eyelid affected by it. If anything she thought it accentuated his looks, not detracted from them. It seemed to emphasise the vivid blue of his eyes and the perfection of his cheekbones. She noticed he wouldn't catch her eye, instead looking down at Giles.

"What? How?" started Xander.

"Shall I?" Giles asked Spike.

Spike nodded, not trusting himself to speak. They were all looking at him in amazement. It made him feel uncomfortable. His hand strayed to his scar then. Self-consciously he pulled it away again. He stood up and walked to the fireplace, trying to disguise his limp as much as possible. The last time these people had seen him he'd been strong, a champion. He kept his back to the room as Giles started to speak.

"We'll start at the beginning, the Hellmouth."

Spike glanced over at Buffy. She was watching him and their eyes met. Each remembered the words they'd spoken. Spike turned back around. God, I want her so much. I love her. He thought of Helen sitting at home waiting for his return and felt wretched.

Giles told how Spike had somehow been trapped in the amulet and it had arrived back at Wolfram & Hart in a parcel for Angel.

"But that was less than three weeks afterwards. Why didn't you say?" blurted Buffy.

"What was I going to say? I was a bloody ghost, couldn't pick up the phone," he said.

"But……."

"Look, love, just let old Rupe tell the story. Plenty of time for questions later."

He walked over to the other side of the room so he was out of Buffy's eye line.

They listened with astonishment as Giles regaled the details of the past eighteen months. First he was a ghost, then corporeal again. Taking part in Angel's fight against Wolfram & Hart, somehow surviving the fury of the demons they unleashed on them.

Spike took over and in a quiet voice told of the others dying and how he thought he'd had it when the Veragos demon came at him with a sword. He touched his scar.

"His handiwork, I reckon."

"What happened then?" This time Willow spoke, "Where have you been since then? That was nearly seven months ago."

Spike looked at Giles. He nodded slightly indicating Giles go on.

"He was in a coma in hospital for three months."

"In a hospital?" said Dawn, "A demon hospital? Do they have such things?"

"Shh, Niblet," said Spike, "Let him finish."

"Perhaps now's the time Spike?" said Rupert with a smile.

"Okay," said Spike, walking towards the window. The curtains were drawn, keeping out the bright sunlight. Without turning around he continued.

"Well, something happened to me, see, between the cut from the sword, the wall collapsing on me and being found by rescuers. It's probably easier to show than tell."

He flung the drapes open and stood there bathed in light. After a few seconds he turned round. Buffy, Dawn, Xander and Willow were all looking at him in disbelief.

"Well, to cut a long story short, I'm human again."

"Always was an exhibitionist." grumbled Xander under his breath.

They all started talking at once, the questions bombarding Spike, all of them staring at him.

"_Like I'm a freak,"_ thought Spike, "_Well, I guess I am at that."_

Dawn came up to him and took hold of his hand.

"Wow, it's warm!" she announced.

The others crowded around him until he could stand it no more. He shrugged off Dawn's hand, pushed his way through them and half walked half ran out of the room. Andrew went to follow him.

"No, leave him be, Andrew, give him a bit of space. He's been worrying about this meeting for weeks. I had intended to break the news to you before he arrived but with the flight being delayed I didn't get the chance," said Giles, "He's been through an awful lot since the Hellmouth and he's still only properly adjusting to being human."

He told the gang of Spike's coma, the spell on the psyche ward drugged out of his mind, the chance meeting with the two nurses since they would never have contacted hospitals to find a vampire, how badly injured he was and how hard he'd had to work to get his leg as good as it now is. He also told of the vampire attack he'd endured and how it prompted his return to England.

Whilst all this was being told Buffy quietly slipped out of the room and went to look for Spike. She found him in the dining room, staring out of the window. He tensed slightly as he heard her come in but didn't turn around.

"Spike?" she said softly, "Are you okay?"

He still didn't turn around, just gave a small nod of his head. She walked over to him. Even without his enhanced vampire senses he could smell her perfume as she got closer. So familiar. He closed his eyes at the memories it evoked. He felt her tentatively touch his arm.

"Spike, look at me please.. Why didn't you tell us you'd survived the Hellmouth? We mourned for you, Spike, I mourned for you.

He turned and looked at her face, overwhelmed by the depths of his feelings for her, this woman he hadn't seen in a year and a half. Vampires could love without a soul. After he had returned he was able to love on a different level, but being human he could feel his love for her with every beat of his heart.

He reached out and stroked her hair with his right hand before letting it fall back to his side.

"What would I say? Oh hi, it's Spike. I'm back - I'm not dead after all? By the time I was corporeal again I figured it best to just leave things alone."

"God, Spike, you've been through so much." She reached out to touch the scar on his forehead.

He pulled back as if her touch was searingly hot and looked away.

"No, don't," she said, walking in front of him. She guessed accurately that he didn't like her to see the scar, let alone feel it. He'd always been a bit vain. She again reached up and touched it. This time he let her, eyes downcast, afraid he'd see pity in her eyes where he wanted to see love.

"I saw you, you know, when I was here a couple of months ago. Only I didn't know it really was you, I just thought my eyes were playing tricks. I saw you as I got to the door of the Council you were walking away. For a moment I felt it was you but then the hair, the limp and the daylight! How could it have been you?"

He visibly flinched as she said the word limp. She mentally kicked herself for being so insensitive.

"But it was you after all. God, I wish I'd arrived a few seconds earlier then we would have met. Spike I l……." she stopped in mid sentence as a pretty brunette rushed into the room.

"Spike, are you alright? You've been so long I was worried about you."

Spike guiltily backed away from Buffy.

"Helen, I'm okay. What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't wait at home any longer. I had to come." She turned to Buffy, "Hi, my name's Helen, and you are?"

After a brief pause Buffy replied.

"Buffy, Buffy Summers. I'm an old….er……friend of Spike's." She glanced over at him as she said it, unable to read his expression.

"Pleased to meet you, Buffy," said Helen a little coolly, as she realised she'd interrupted something, "I'm Spike's girlfriend. Come on, let's join the others." She took Spike's hand proprietorially, her message to Buffy clear. Back off.

Spike didn't look at Buffy as he went with Helen back into the lounge. Buffy stayed a moment longer, tears prickling her eyes, before she pulled herself together and joined the others.

By now Giles had answered pretty well all the questions the others asked, explaining about the Shanshu Prophecy.

Xander looked up as Spike walked back into the room, a girl on his arm.

Spike introduced her to the others as his girlfriend Helen, telling how she'd been his nurse when he was in the coma.

Helen, proud of being introduced as such was soon telling everyone how she'd been working on him in the ER and how they'd almost given up when his heart gave its first beat.

Buffy stifled a gasp as she realised Helen had been there the moment he'd returned to human form. She'd only been there with him moments before he died. No wonder he hadn't wanted to get in touch. Who wanted to be reminded of his own death?

Willow was watching her friend, knowing how upset she must be - delighted that Spike's alive, especially now as a human, but devastated at the appearance of the girlfriend.

After another hour or so, Spike stood up.

"Come on, Helen, I think it's time we went home."

Helen was about to protest, as she was enjoying meeting the others and had hoped to glean information about Spike's past, until she saw the look on his face. It was his no compromise look. Fortunately it didn't appear often but when it did there was only one thing she could do.

"Okay, well, it was lovely meeting you all. No doubt we'll see you tomorrow," and the pair left the room and went home.

oooooooooo

After Helen and Spike had left, Buffy turned angrily to Giles.

"How could you let us think he was dead?" she shouted, "Christ, we held a wake for him and that was after he was back in LA!"

"Er…..technically he was still dead then as he was a ghost," interrupted Andrew. He quailed at her angry glare but continued, "We didn't know he was alive anyway until I went to get Dana." He carried on bravely, talking of the deranged slayer he'd recovered from Angel and co., but not before she'd savagely attacked Spike.

"Shut up!" yelled Buffy, stalking about the room. "You never wanted us to be together," she said, turning to face Giles. "You wanted him dead! You……."

Xander leapt up from where he was sitting and took hold of Buffy.

"Buff, that's enough!" he said, giving her a bit of a shake. It was no use being gentle when a slayer had her blood up. "Giles has looked after him for the past few months so how can you say he wants him dead now?"

Buffy collapsed into his arms weeping.

"I'm sorry," she said between sobs, "It's just I've missed him so much."

Xander held her until her crying subsided then he took her to sit on the sofa, still holding her close.

Giles looked at Buffy sadly. He knew she'd take it hard but after so long he'd hoped it wouldn't be as bad as this.

"He didn't want you to know Buffy. He wanted you to live a normal life."

"Normal? Huh! As if a slayer can ever have a normal life."

Dawn looked at her sister. She knew Buffy had gotten close to Spike after he'd gotten his soul but she never guessed that her feelings were so deep. No wonder her relationships were always doomed. Any 'normal' guy didn't last two minutes and as for the Immortal, well, that had been a very worrying time. He'd tried to take over Buffy's life completely. Thankfully she'd come to her senses and had left him but the split had been acrimonious. It was not a great idea to piss off an evil immortal being to the extent Buffy had.

"Let's have some tea," said Giles in his typically English way, "It's been a trying day."

"I'll make it," said Andrew, getting up.

"Now Dawn, what are your plans? Are you going to university?" asked Giles.

"I've decided on a gap year before I go." Dawn replied.

"Yes," added Buffy, "we decided after all that's happened she deserved to freewheel a bit."

The conversation settled down to less emotional subjects. Willow watched her friend closely, knowing she was hiding her true feelings from everyone. Only Willow knew how deeply Buffy loved Spike.

oooooooooooo

Once Spike and Helen arrived home, Spike tried to act normally but from the looks he was getting from Helen he wasn't doing a very good job.

"I think it's time you told me some of your past, Spike. No, I mean it," she said firmly as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Giles said Buffy was your sister but you sure as hell didn't look like brother and sister when I came in. Then she said she was an old friend. What's going on?"

Spike sighed and slumped down on the sofa.

"It's complicated, pet."

"I've got all night," retorted Helen, standing in front of him, hands on hips.

He moved to take her hand, but she wouldn't let him. She stepped away from his reach, finally sitting on one of the chairs round the dining table.

"I'm waiting."

He'd never seen her like this. This was why he'd dreaded meeting up with the others, knowing the questions it threw up.

"Okay, Helen. I'll tell you but first I need a drink. " He got up and poured himself a Jack Daniels, a large one.

He sat back down on the sofa knowing Helen didn't want him close just yet.

"Well, to start with, I'm not related to any of them - not Giles, not Andrew and not Buffy. I've known them for years. I worked with them, and when the last job ended we split up. I went to LA to help a friend out there and the others went to different countries. I kept in vague contact with Giles and Andrew but none of the others."

"You said they thought you were dead, why?" interrupted Helen.

"Look, love, let me tell you first, then you can ask your questions," he continued, "Anyway, that's why Andrew and Giles came looking for me. They knew without being a relation they'd've never gotten me out of there, especially the state I was in mentally. So they came up with their story. They included Buffy in the mix 'cause of what I'd said on the ward."

"The rape," whispered Helen, unable to keep quiet. "Tell me it wasn't you."

He looked away, unable to meet the hurt look in her eyes.

"Oh my God!" Helen stood up. "You did do it!"

She didn't know what to think. Spike had always been so gentle, so considerate, so thoughtful. How could he possibly do that?

"No Helen, please," said Spike, looking into her eyes, "I didn't…….I mean I tried…….but…….I never……."

Helen turned to walk away.

"I can't believe what I'm hearing!" she cried.

He jumped up and took hold of her arm.

"Get off me!" she demanded furiously, "Don't touch me!"

He let go of her arm and stood there ashamed.

"I wasn't myself then, love," he said to her rigid back, "I was a de….er…..I've changed. I'm not the same person, I was………ill."

"So, not only did you try to rape her but you did it, what, because you were mentally ill? That makes a lot of difference, Spike, not!"

"Helen, look at me," Spike pleaded, hating the pain he was causing and knowing she'd never cope with the whole 'honey I was a vampire' thing.

"I know it was a terrible thing to do. I really do. I went away for a while and I did manage to make things better between Buffy and me. We were very close, then, the way our last job together ended, I was listed as missing so I just kept it that way. I guess I was being a coward but reckoned she'd be better off without me. She is, she's in a relationship, has been since not long after I left. I did the right thing by her in the end.

"When you came in, what you saw wasn't anything. She was just amazed to see me there. She was sorry I'd been hurt so badly."

He remembered her mentioning his limp, and knew she was giving him the last thing he wanted, pity. She understood what it must be like to lose the power of being a vampire, of being able to heal wounds that wouldn't in a human, since she had similar powers as a slayer.

"Helen, you've been my rock since I got out of the coma. I wouldn't have made it without you."

She finally turned to face him, tears flowing down her cheeks.

"Do you love me?" she asked.

"What?"

"I love you. Do you love me? It's a simple question, Spike."

He just looked at her unable to say the word.

"Fine," said Helen, "That silence is a better answer than anything you could say." She sat down head in hands, body wracked with sobs.

Spike walked over to her, dismayed at the pain he'd caused.

"Pet, it's not that I don't have feelings for you, I do. I just don't know if I'm capable of love," he said, crossing his fingers at the lie. He knew he loved Buffy. "I'm afraid of it, I guess. I haven't exactly set the world on fire in the relationship stakes."

He sat down next to her and put his arm around her. This time she didn't recoil from him.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better? she asked.

"I'm just asking you not to give up on me yet. I'm trying, Helen, I really am but," he hesitated, "I can't give you any promises. It all seems so hard since I was hum….er……hurt. Maybe getting back to work will help. I just feel so bloody useless. Maybe I think I don't really deserve you."

"You don't, Spike," replied Helen, "You really don't."

She looked up at him, his face etched with guilt at upsetting her. She kissed him.

"But I'm hooked. I can't leave you because I do love you."

"Oh, Helen." said Spike, hugging her close and kissing her, before scooping her up in his arms and carrying her to the bedroom……..

oooooooooooo

Spike didn't go over to see the others the next day, pleading illness, something he'd never been able to say as a vampire. The truth was he was still trying to mend bridges with Helen, trying to convince her, and himself, that they should stay together. Although they'd made love with enthusiasm last night, he knew she was feeling insecure about him.

"I've just got to concentrate on Helen and work and forget Buffy. It can never be. Helen's here, she loves me. Buffy never will. It has to stop," he said to himself.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen 

At the Council offices Giles was buried in his usual pile of books. Xander, Dawn and Andrew had gone sightseeing, which left Willow and Buffy free to talk candidly.

"Are you okay?" asked Willow, knowing her friend wasn't.

"God, Willow, what a mess I make of my life. I can do the Slayer thing no prob, it's just everything else I get wrong. I just can't believe it, Spike's alive, really alive, human alive! I mean, whenever I fantasised about him, I'd wish he'd be with me but I never even dared think that he may be with me as a human."

"When I got went to him in the dining room, he looked so forlorn - there was none of that 'bad boy' attitude he usually exuded. Even after his soul, he was always larger than life. I did wonder if that's what I liked about him, you know, the image he had, not the person he was. But the moment I stepped into the room I knew I loved him - the person, his soul, whatever. It doesn't matter to me that he's just a regular guy now; doesn't matter that he's lost his strength and has that limp."

"I just thought that finally, after all this time and all he's endured, we could be together. Then Helen walks in. They've been together all his human life, Will! She felt the first beat of his heart. I've missed my chance. If he'd believed me in the Hellmouth he would've contacted me, instead he avoided me. I hurt him so badly. I thought I'd made it right but he died thinking I'd lied about loving him and he woke up to find someone there ready to give him that love."

"There's no easy answer to any of this, Buffy, " said Willow "but it may not last. I saw how he looked at you. I'm sure he still has feelings for you."

"Yes, but don't you see? I can't tell him I love him now, not when he's with Helen. It just wouldn't be right. You can see she adores him. I couldn't be the cause of a split. He seems happy with her. Perhaps they're the ones who'll get to live a normal life."

With that Buffy got up.

"I think I'll go for a walk, Will, clear my head a bit." She saw Willow looking at her with concern, "I'll be okay. Up till two days ago I thought he was dead. I had to deal with that, so now I'll deal with this."

"Do you want me to come with?" asked Willow.

"Thanks, but I just want to be alone." She walked out of the room, grabbed her jacket and made her way down the street. She walked along briskly, not thinking about where she was heading.

Oooooooooo

Willow decided she'd go to see Spike and Helen. She knew Spike was avoiding them but she wanted to see if she could find out whether it was just because he couldn't cope with them all or whether it was just Buffy he couldn't bear to see.

She walked along to their flat following the directions Giles gave her. As she got closer she hoped she was doing the right thing. With a deep breath she knocked on the door.

Helen opened it. Willow could see she'd been crying, her eyes were still puffy and a bit bloodshot.

"Hi, Helen, "said Willow brightly, "Just thought I'd pop over to see you both. Thought you might not want to have us all yammering at you at once like last night. Er….can I come in?" she added as Helen just stood there holding the door.

"Oh, sorry, of course - come in." Helen stepped back to let her pass, "Spike's out for his run at the moment. He'll be back soon though. Can I get you something to drink?"

"A coffee would be nice. The garden's beautiful, Helen," said Willow, hoping to break the ice. It worked – Helen's face lit up.

"That's all Spike's work," she said with pride, "He just loves being out there tending the plants."

"_Mm, relishing being able to be out in the day as much as tending the plants,"_ thought Willow. Aloud she said, "How are you enjoying England? I love it over here. I'm not too far away, either. You must come over for dinner sometime."

"I'd like that," replied Helen, "I haven't had the chance to make friends here yet. I'm thinking about getting a job soon. I don't fancy being here all day doing nothing when Spike starts work again. So what can you tell me about Spike? He never says much about himself."

"That's typical Spike." Willow replied, "He's never been much of a sharer. I'm sure he'll tell you in his own time, Helen. It's not my place to say. We went through a lot together and it's left its mark on all of us, in one way or another. I still can't believe he's alive. Tell me again about what happened the night he was brought into the hospital."

As Helen happily regaled the story of resuscitating Spike Willow thought of Buffy, hoping her friend would be okay. She'd been right - Helen clearly adored Spike. She hoped he wouldn't be long as she wanted to see what vibe he gave off.

Ooooooooooooo

Buffy was walking along the street, hands in her pockets and lost in her thoughts, when she noticed a figure running. His pace was marred by a limp, making it look ungainly.

Spike! Her heart lurched. She stepped back into a doorway as he got nearer, not wanting to be spotted. She thought of the times he'd chased down demons with her - how fast, fluid and athletic he'd been. He was running fast as he passed her, head down, concentrating on making his left leg work as well as it could. She could see the effort it was taking. His breath came in ragged gasps. He looked as if he was running from demons, he was pushing himself so hard. She watched until he went out of sight round a corner, fighting tears as she thought of the life they could have shared now that he was human. Sadly she continued her walk, heading back to Giles' place.

Ooooooooooooo

About five minutes from home Spike stopped running, cursing himself for going so fast. His leg was aching badly, with limp pronounced, as he walked along. He knew he'd knacker his leg but in a way he welcomed the pain he felt. It gave him something other than Buffy to think about. Least once she and Dawn had returned to Rome it would be easier. He didn't know if he could bear seeing her again, although he knew he'd have to as a farewell dinner was planned, Giles having splashed out and booked them for a top restaurant. Spike smiled to himself. A good job Giles didn't have to account for his expenses! He suspected that Council funds would be footing the bill.

By the time he got home he was exhausted, his leg hurting so much he hoped he hadn't caused permanent damage by his antics. He opened the door and walked into the hallway.

"I'm back, Helen, just off for a shower." He popped his head into the lounge as he went past the door. He saw Willow and Helen sitting, chatting away.

"Oh, hi, Willow," said Spike. He looked at Helen's face and knew from her expression that Willow hadn't spilled any secrets. He breathed a sigh of relief and walked into the room, limping badly.

"Spike!" exclaimed Helen, "Your leg……….."

"It's fine." He cut her off, hating as always for people to comment on it - even Helen, who'd seen him at his worst post-accident.

"Just pushed myself a bit too much today," he added, as he realised how curt he'd been, "Better get cleaned up. I wasn't expecting company." He glanced at Willow as he spoke, then turned and left to hit the shower.

As he left the room Willow concentrated on tuning in to him psychically,

being very careful not to let him feel her intrusion to his thoughts. She wasn't surprised at what she found - they were full of Buffy - but even as she read them she could sense him trying to suppress them and concentrate on Helen. He was acknowledging to himself that Buffy would never be his as she was with another, and that she'd never love him now-just pity what he'd become. Such a one sided affair would always be doomed. She sensed he was worried that's what would happen with him and Helen, as he knew he would never love her to the same depth he loved Buffy or that Helen loved him.

Willow quickly terminated the search when she read this, afraid he'd feel her astonishment. He thought Buffy was in a relationship but she wasn't. He'd thought he'd seen pity when it was love! She turned her attention back to what Helen was saying, feeling sorry for her as no matter what happened between Buffy and Spike she couldn't see Spike continuing it forever. Surely he'd hope to find love, or would he settle for the security Helen offered?"

Spike came back into the room, freshly showered and changed, his short hair still damp.

"I've been admiring the garden. Helen tells me it's your baby, will you show it to me?" asked Willow, wanting to get Spike alone for a moment.

"Sure," said Spike, grimacing a little at the pain in his leg as he stepped out through the doors.

After pointing out a few plants he'd added, Willow interrupted Spike's horticultural talk.

"I could see if I could do something about it, you know."

"What? The rose? But it's doing okay," replied Spike.

"No, dummy. That." She pointed to his left leg.

He stiffened at her words, shifting his weight so he was no longer favouring it.

"No, thanks," he said quietly.

"But why, Spike? It's obvious it hurts you. I could try to take the pain away at least."

"Willow, no," he said, looking away. "I've had enough mo-jo, spells, chips and such done to me. I'm damned if I'm going to let another be done. I'm okay, really. " He looked back at her, "I just overdid it."

"Because of Buffy?" asked Willow.

He glanced back to the flat but Helen was out of sight indoors.

"Stop it, Red. It's over, well, it kind of never was. There's Helen to think about and no way can I compare to the Immortal."

Before Willow could answer Helen came out with some lemonade for them, effectively putting an end to the conversation.

Willow's mind reeled. Spike thought Buffy was with the Immortal but she hadn't been for months. The pair of them would just have to open up to each other, at least let each other know for sure what they feel. She felt bad about Helen but couldn't see how a relationship could work when one person was in love and the other wasn't. She knew she couldn't interfere but it was going to be hard to watch them both trying to deal.

She left shortly afterwards anxious to see what Buffy was doing.

Ooooooooooo

Willow found Buffy in the lounge with Giles, Dawn, Xander and Andrew. Dawn was recounting the tales of their sightseeing, and the atmosphere was happy and relaxed. She joined the group, glad that everyone was enjoying their evening. A little probe into Buffy's thoughts told her that her friend was successfully, for the moment anyway, suppressing any thoughts of Spike. She was giving the people in the room her full attention. The conversation continued throughout dinner. It was after midnight when Willow and Xander left for her flat.

They walked along, enjoying each other's company. They'd been so close in the past but had been continents apart for months now.

"So nice to have us Scoobies back together again," said Willow.

"Yes, it's very much of the good this meeting up with everyone. I can't get over the re-emergence of Spike. I mean, that guy's been dead more ways and now he's back again but human. Must be weird for him having no powers. When he had the chip in his head he was still super strong, just couldn't hurt humans," said Xander, talking of the pain chip the Initiative, a secret government organisation, put in Spike's brain to prevent him from attacking humans.

"Anya hated losing her powers when she was human," Xander continued, his voice breaking a little as he said his ex-girlfriend's name. It'd been so long since he'd spoken of her. Her death in the Hellmouth left a hole in his life he doubted would ever be filled again.

"I know how it feels. When I went to the evil place with the magics, all that power was intoxicating and very hard to give up. Scary, too, being back to plain old Willow."

"Not so plain, Will. You did that amazing mo-jo to make all potentials slayers. Don't think old tenth grade Willow could do that." He laughed.

tbc


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Soon the day before Xander, Dawn and Buffy's departure was here. Buffy and Spike had seen each other several times as Spike called in at the Council to organise his work schedule. They had been polite but carefully avoided being alone together.

It had been arranged that everyone would meet at the restaurant for the grand farewell meal.

When Spike and Helen arrived the others were already there, sitting and enjoying a pre-dinner drink. Everyone had dressed up for the occasion. Helen was wearing a brown dress with white polka dots that emphasised her figure and brought out the colour of her eyes. Spike's idea of dressing up was to wear a shirt instead of a t-shirt over his black jeans. "I don't do suits, love", was his answer to Helen's query.

Xander and Andrew looked very smart in suits with colourful ties, Giles, as usual, a bit tweedy, and Dawn looked stunning in a red cocktail dress. All signs of a gawky teenager was gone - she looked like she should be on the catwalk of some fashion show. Willow was resplendent in a long flowing purple dress, but it was Buffy Spike focussed on. She literally took his breath away, the blue silk dress clinging in all the right places.

With an effort Spike dragged his eyes away from her and tried to concentrate on the small talk. When they were shown their table Spike made sure he didn't sit next to Buffy but since the table was round he ended up sitting almost opposite her. The table was smoked glass and showed reflections clearly. Spike studied his for a moment. After over a hundred and twenty years of not having one it still felt a little strange when he saw himself, noting as always the scar on his forehead, and the crinkled up eyelid of his left eye. It was just another reminder of how he couldn't compete with the Immortal as the guy's good looks were legendary.

Towards the end of the meal Buffy said she's got something to tell everyone.

"Dawn, Giles and I have been talking a lot over these past few days and between us we've come to a decision. " She looked at the faces round the table then looked at Willow as she said, "Dawn and I are going to stay over here."

"Oh Buffy, that's great!" exclaimed Willow as everyone started talking at once.

Helen had been watching Spike as Buffy made her announcement. He'd kept his head down, fiddling with his napkin, but when she'd said she was staying he'd lifted his eyes to look at Buffy. There was no mistaking he had major feelings for her - it was written all over his face. Then swiftly his expression changed and he reverted to looking at his napkin. Helen's heart sank at what she'd seen.

"_Why couldn't Buffy just go back to Rome? We were fine before she came back,"_ Helen thought sadly.

She shifted in her seat a little. Spike, noticing the movement, turned to her and went to hold her hand that was resting on the table. She pulled her hand away and turned her attention to Andrew who was seated on her left. Spike realised she must have noticed that for a moment his heart had swelled at the thought of Buffy staying here until he remembered how hard it is seeing something you want so badly everyday but can't have.

_"Good going, Spike. The one you want doesn't want you and the one who wants you, you just keep on hurting,"_ he thought to himself.

As the cacophony of voices calmed down, Giles beckoned to a waiter to get some champagne, deciding it was definitely cause for celebration.

Willow saw her chance to put something out in the open.

"So what made you decide to stay over here?" she asked, "Is it because you've ended your relationship with the Immortal?"

At her words Spike looked up and met Buffy's eyes properly for the first time that evening. This time he couldn't look away. She wasn't with the Immortal! As he stared at Buffy he hoped to see some sign that he had a chance with her, but he found her impossible to read and after a few moments it was Buffy who broke eye contact.

"The Immortal?" queried Helen.

"Oh that's just his nickname 'cause he thinks he's God's gift," said Willow quickly, aware she'd made a faux pas by mentioning him in front of Helen but she knew she had to take the chance.

"Well, he's a part of the decision obviously," said Buffy, getting around to answering Willow's question, "but we decided that I'd be better off at the Council's HQ since I'm the senior sla……er….field officer," she corrected, remembering Helen's presence.

_'Huh! As if I could forget her,'_ thought Buffy. It hurt to see them together but she didn't think Rome was the best place to be with the Immortal pissed off, and Dawn could work at the Council doing research with Willow before hopefully going to university over here.

They lingered over the champagne, chatting away. Only Spike and Helen didn't contribute much to the conversation. When they all finally left Helen and Spike got a taxi on their own, the others sharing two more. All of them were aware that Spike and Helen had stopped talking and none fancied sharing a cab with an atmosphere like that.

In the backseat of the taxi Helen sat as close to the window as possible, again shrugging off Spike's contact.

_"Fine!"_ thought Spike, _"I bloody well don't need this."_ And he sat on the other side gazing out of the window.

The cab driver had seen it all before.

_"Uh oh!"_ he thought, _"This'll end in tears, no doubt."_ He dropped them off at their door.

Spike unlocked the door and stepped to the side to let Helen walk in first. She marched past him, hurling her bag on the sofa as she got into the lounge room.

Spike looked at this woman who'd helped him so much and hated the hurt he'd caused her again. He knew he'd have to end it, whether he ever got with Buffy or not. He couldn't offer Helen half of what she deserved, and couldn't let her waste her life on him when his heart was elsewhere.

"Helen….." he started.

"Don't, Spike," she interrupted, "Just don't say a word." She went into the bedroom, slamming the door with finality.

"_Christ, what a bloody mess,"_ thought Spike as he took off his jacket and boots and looked at the sofa.

"It appears me and you will be spending the night together," he said as he sat on it. He eventually lay down and went to sleep.

Oooooooooo

He was up at the crack of dawn the next day and decided to go straight out for his run. He knew that he was doing it to avoid the inevitable confrontation with Helen, but he went anyway. He'd never avoided a fight as a vampire but he just couldn't handle the emotional side of things as a human.

He ran hard and further than usual, arriving home an hour and a half later. As he opened the door he almost fell over a suitcase in the hall.

"Helen!" he called as he went into the lounge.

She appeared from the bedroom carrying a coat. They looked at each other without speaking for what seemed like an age.

"Helen….."

"Spike……"

They both started to speak at the same time. Spike inclined his head indicating that she go first.

"I'm going back to LA, Spike," she stated calmly, "I've done a lot of thinking and this is what I've decided to do."

"But Helen I….." he stopped. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't beg her to stay but perversely didn't want her to leave either.

"Look, Spike, I'm going and that won't change. If we truly are meant to be tighter we will be. I really feel we need some space to decide what we want. I love you, Spike," her voice catching a little, "but I can't be here with you when you're still obsessed with Buffy."

Spike opened his mouth to protest but she stopped him with a look. After all it's not like she was wrong.

"You've got serious issues, major issues and not just with Buffy. Goddamnit, Spike, you've never shared anything from your past with me. I know I said I could deal but I can't. It just makes me think I don't really know you at all. You know where I'll be if you decide I'm what you want, and you're ready to share."

A horn honked outside. Helen glanced out of the window and went to the hall, picking up her case.

"What? You're leaving now? But…,"said Spike.

"Yes," she cut him off, "I'm going now. I managed to get a seat on the first flight to LA."

"Helen, I never meant, I mean…….."

"I know, Spike," she said, looking at him as tears started to fall, " You never gave me any promises - it's my fault."

"No. It's mine. I've never been any good at relationships. I'm so so sorry, Helen."

He went to her and gently wiped the tears from her cheeks. He hugged her tightly, then the taxi honked its horn again.

"I've got to go," said Helen. She stretched up and kissed his cheek, "Goodbye, Spike." With that she picked up her case, went out of the door and climbed into the cab.

Spike stood there numb, watching her leave. When the taxi was out of sight he slammed the door with all his might and strode into the kitchen, picking up his coffee mug from earlier and hurling it against the wall where it smashed into a dozen pieces.

"Bollocks!" he shouted. "Why do I always end up hurting those around me?"

He looked at the time.

"Christ, I'm going to be late!" and he went off to grab a quick shower and change. Today was his first official day at work.

Ooooooooooooo

He walked into the training room in the Watcher's Council. It was a huge room, basically all of the basement space of the building. It was equipped like no other gymnasium on earth. In addition to the usual weights and treadmills there were rows upon rows of weapons ranging from simple wooden stakes to shining lethally sharp swords and axes.

A group of eight girls were doing warm up stretches accompanied by Buffy, who had her back to him. He couldn't help but notice how good her butt looked in her lycra leggings. He paused, not quite sure what to do. When he'd been given the job of training the new slayers he's assumed he'd be on his own, in charge. Now that Buffy was staying it was logical that she'd be the one; after all, she still had the powers he'd lost. He'd been a vampire last time he'd helped train, using his superior senses to test the girls, but what could he do now? A lame human?

"_Bloody charity, that's what it is,"_ he thought furiously, but he honestly didn't know what he'd do if he wasn't working for the Council. He had no real skills to fall back on other than fighting techniques, the ability to hot wire a car and ……well, that was about it. Over a century of just stealing whatever you wanted didn't look good on a resume.

He started to turn to leave, thinking he'd better offer to help in the research department. At least he'd be able to chat to the now not so Little Bit and Red, using the nicknames he had for Dawn and Willow.

"You're late," said Buffy, all businesslike and not a little bossy.

"Oh…….I ….er……." stammered Spike, taken aback.

"No excuses, just get your ass over here so we can get started."

He flushed slightly and started to walk over to the girls, his limp more pronounced due to the hammering he'd given it earlier. He caught a couple of the girls looking at him in distain, which pissed him off, but he could see their point. He'd been bawled out for being late and was now limping over, not exactly a great first impression.

"Girls," said Buffy, "I want you to meet someone who, if you've done all the required reading, you will most definitely have heard of."

Spike was pleased to see that that had gotten their attention.

"This is Spike, William the Bloody that was."

A gasp went through the girls. A couple near the front actually took a step back.

Spike's ego was nicely massaged by their reaction. He'd missed the old 'oh my God don't let him bite me' looks he used to get. A little infamy was no bad thing in his eyes.

"So who's going to tell us who Spike is?"

A tall dark haired girl at the back put her hand up. Buffy nodded for her to speak.

"He's er…"

Spike smiled at the girl encouragingly, which actually had the opposite effect.

"He's …er…….Well….."

"Oh, for God's sake, spit it out," snapped Buffy.

"He's er……. one of the most notorious and vicious vampires ever known. Sired by Drusilla in 1880 and killer of two slayers, one in 1900 in China and one in New York in 1977. According to the diaries he also now has a soul, like Angel……."

"I'm nothing like bloody Angel," said Spike, unable to control himself.

"But it said he'd died in the Sunnydale Hellmouth averting The First's apocalypse," the girl continued.

Buffy shot him a harsh look. Spike kicked himself for having said anything. It was hardly a way to endear himself to her - moaning about her ex-lover, especially now he was dead.

"Very good. Just one little problem with the diaries you've been reading - they're a little out of date. As you can see he most definitely isn't dead and another thing is that he's no longer a vampire."

The girls looked astonished.

"He's human just like us," continued Buffy.

"Well, actually I'm more human than you are since a slayer's strength is actually formed from a little bit of demon," Spike corrected.

"Thank you, Spike," snapped Buffy, "Anyway, the gist of it is that although he's now human and on our side….."

"I was on your side when I was a vampire," interrupted Spike.

"He has obviously decades of experience about exactly what being a vampire is, what drives it, where it's likely to be living and so on." Buffy ignored his comment. "He has excellent knowledge of fighting skills so I want you to give him your full attention whenever he's instructing you. Any questions?"

A hand went up.

"How come you're human?"

Spike answered this one.

"To cut a long story short it was a reward for helping avert an apocalypse - an ancient prophecy that actually came true. If it had taken a little more time to come through my vampire healing skills would've had this leg perfect but unfortunately it kicked in soon after I was injured so the limp stayed." Rightly guessing mentioning the limp himself would stop the girls from pretending not to notice it.

"I'm still pretty quick so don't think you can take advantage, well not in that way anyway," he said with a grin that got all the girls giggling.

"Settle down!" shouted Buffy, thinking how typical of Spike it was to disrupt things. Some things never changed.

When they stopped for lunch Spike didn't go with the others into the large kitchen, instead he went out to the garden at the back of the building. He was sitting there lost in his thoughts when Willow appeared.

"I noticed you didn't get anything to eat," she said as she handed him a sandwich and cold drink.

"Thanks, Red, but not really hungry," he said, taking them and putting them on the bench next to him.

"Mind if I join you?" Willow asked, sitting down before he could reply.

"Uh….I guess not," said Spike ironically.

"Are you okay? Just thought you might be enjoying your first day's work a bit more than you seem to be doing. You've gone all avoidy on us."

"Look, Will, you know I'm not one for sharing but I'm okay, or I will be okay. First day's proper work in over a century is bit of a shock to the system," he said, trying to lighten the mood.

Willow thought about taking a sneaky peep at his thoughts but stopped herself. She didn't really need to, anyway. The close proximity of Buffy all morning was affecting him. Least he knew now she was single.

Little did she know that his thoughts, although filled with Buffy, weren't of hoping to be together but of sadness that he was sure she would rather he wasn't there. All morning she'd barely met his eye and if she had spoken to him at all she'd been very snappish.

At the same time Spike was moping in the garden, Buffy had retreated to Giles' sitting room to escape the incessant chatter of the girls. It didn't help that most of it was about Spike.

"Ooh! He's so sexy!"

"That accent's really cool!"

"When he guided me on how to throw someone to the floor I thought I'd faint!"

She couldn't stand it. To be so near someone she loved but who was with someone else was just torture. She knew now how Spike must have felt half the time he'd been in love with her. God! I don't think staying in London was such a good idea. Buffy looked at her watch.

"_Huh! Great. Time to go back to the training room, just what I need - more girls eyeing him up. No wonder he'd been oblivious to me."_

When Buffy arrived at the room Spike was already there, obviously not wanting to be told off again for being late. He was leaning against a piece of apparatus. The girls sat on gym mats, hanging on his every word as he was telling him of how he killed the slayer during the Boxer Rebellion in 1900.

"Is that really an appropriate story?" asked Buffy harshly.

"You once thought it would help you to know how I killed the slayers so I reckoned this lot would benefit, too," he replied, calmly looking into her eyes for the first time that day.

Buffy quickly looked away, remembering how horrid she'd been to him that day.

"_You're beneath me, Spike. It'll never be you."_

She glanced back at him and could tell he was thinking the same thing. He had a hurt expression on his face until he realised she'd seen it and he quickly turned back to the girls to continue his tale.

At the end of the day Spike changed into his running gear, figuring that incorporating his runs into getting to and from work made sense. Now that the nights were drawing in it meant he didn't need to be out in the dark for his second run, something he'd avoided since that night in LA when he was attacked by the vampire.

As he walked out of the changing room he literally bumped into Buffy as she walked past.

"Oh, sorry," he said, grabbing her to prevent her from falling. Touching her sent a frisson through his body like an electric shock. He let go of her as soon as she was steady on her feet.

"'S okay," said Buffy.

She looked at him standing before her. She took in his healthy tan and toned body, then her eyes were drawn to his left leg. It bore the scars of the operations it had undergone whilst he was in the coma. She could see where the muscle had been irreparably damaged on his thigh. Instinctively she reached out to touch it.

Spike stepped back out of her reach.

"Yeah, I know. Not a pretty sight," he said curtly, turning and walking away. "See you tomorrow," he called over his shoulder as he stepped out onto the street.

"_Christ! Why did I have to wear shorts today, not my jogging pants? Another bleeding thing to put her off, as if she needs any more!"_

Buffy stood where he'd left her.

"_Helen's a very lucky girl. I've got to move on."_

Spike didn't do his usual leisurely hours running. He went straight to the apartment as if the hounds of hell were on his heels, almost knocking people out of his way. He fumbled the key into the lock and strode inside, left leg searing with pain. He stalked round the empty flat unable to settle.

"Buffy, Buffy always bleeding Buffy!" he cried. He lashed out with his left foot, balancing on his right, and kicked at the TV. The screen shattered, some of the glass cutting his ankle.

"Bollocks!"

He abruptly sat down on the sofa and put his head in his hands, his temper giving way to depression.

"Get a grip, Spike," he said, "This can't bloody well go on or I'll be back on the psyche ward for good. It's driving me mental!"

tbc


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

The next couple of weeks passed uneventfully. Buffy and Spike avoiding being alone together, due to Buffy being bossy and Spike flirting with the girls. Both of them were miserable but doing a great job of hiding it. Diligently they passed on their combined knowledge to the slayers, avoiding each other's eyes when stories of events used in their teachings reminded each other of times when they'd fought side by side.

They were all due to go out to celebrate Andrew's birthday on Friday. A meal was organised, followed by a bit of clubbing, and even Giles was up for it! Dawn had done all the planning.

That morning Giles was just walking past the telephone when it rang, he picked it up.

"Giles, hi, it's me," said Spike weakly.

"Spike, are you okay? You sound dreadful."

"No, I'm pretty sick. Got that stomach flu that's going around and I've been up half the night. No way can I come in to work or make it tonight - apologise to the boy for me," he replied.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Spike. Make sure Helen looks after you well. Rest up and we'll see you when you're feeling better," said Giles.

"Will do," Spike replied. He hadn't told anyone of Helen's departure.

Giles put down the phone.

"Who was that?" asked Buffy, walking along the corridor heading for the training room.

"Spike. He's ill and won't be able to make it tonight."

"Oh, that's a shame. Andrew will be upset - he still hero worships the guy," Buffy said, not sure whether she was glad or sad not to see him with Helen that night.

Ooooooooooo

Spike put the phone down.

That's it. I've always been love's bitch but now I'm love's bloody coward. Least Giles bought the whole being ill routine.

He went to his record collection, a product of many an afternoon going around second hand markets buying all his old favourites on vinyl, not CD. He preferred the old fashioned hiss as the needle connected with the record before the music kicked in. He flipped through them; it was an eclectic mix, Velvet Underground, The Ramones, The Sex Pistols, The Smiths, and a Joni Mitchell album nestling somewhat incongruously in the middle. He reached for it. It was time to do a bit of wallowing and good ole Joni was always there to help. He played it loud knowing his neighbours were at work but he wouldn't have cared if they had been home.

A few hours later and he was still lying on the sofa, music blaring. In fact, the only thing that had changed was that he was now pissed, having drunk a good third of a bottle of Jack Daniels.

"_Doesn't cost quite so much to get drunk these days,"_ he mused, one advantage of no longer having a vampire constitution.

He hadn't showered that morning, nor had his run, nor shaved. He just lay there and moped.

Oooooooooo

At lunchtime Buffy had decided she'd go to see Spike and Helen. She thought she'd offer the olive branch to Helen by asking if she'd like to come along without Spike that evening. There was no need for her to miss out and they had sort of gotten off on the wrong footing. She decided that in person would be better than the phone so as soon as the morning session was over she grabbed her coat and hurried to Spike's apartment.

As she approached the front door she could hear very loud music from inside. If she'd been in a cartoon she'd have been able to see the walls of the building bouncing in time to the beat, it was so loud. Hardly what you'd expect if someone was ill.

She knocked on the door in the vain hope that someone might hear it. She was just contemplating kicking it down in frustration when the music stopped, the end of the album reached. She knocked on the door as hard as she could. Eventually she heard someone approaching and the door slowly opened.

What greeted her was not a pretty sight. Spike stood there swaying slightly from getting up too quickly. He was wearing a bathrobe with what looked like nothing underneath, his face was pale and his complexion blotchy. His chin, normally shaved smooth as silk, was bristly and rough. He squinted at her, bloodshot eyes half closed against the light.

"Spike!" she exclaimed, "God, you look awful. You should be in bed. Has Helen gone out?"

Before he could answer she walked past him into the apartment. He stood there holding the door for a few moments until he pushed it shut and followed her.

Buffy looked around the flat. She hadn't been there before but Willow had said how nice it was. It didn't look nice today. All the drapes were still closed so she pulled them open. There were dirty dishes piled in the sink, a bottle of JD and a glass were on the floor near the sofa. The TV stood on its stand in the corner but the screen was missing. Spike said nothing, just went and sat back on the sofa and poured more Jack Daniels. Buffy looked at him then went to the bathroom. A quick look confirmed what she'd thought on seeing the mess - one toothbrush. Helen had left him. No wonder he was in such a state; he'd never taken rejection well. She went back into the lounge and stood in front of Spike.

"This isn't going to do you any good or bring her back you know," said Buffy firmly.

Spike looked up, eyes vague due to the alcohol.

"What?"

She sighed and sat next to him.

"She'll come back," she said more gently, "Where's she gone? To a hotel?"

"LA," said Spike, "She's gone to LA and isn't coming back."

"You don't know that," replied Buffy, "We all do things in the heat of the moment. No reason to hit the bottle. Did she go today? Is that why…." She stopped and just ended with a gesture at the bottle.

"She's been gone for two weeks," Spike said softly.

"But why didn't you say? I didn't know."

"No one knew. No one would still know but for you coming here. Why are you here exactly?" he asked coldly.

"I …er….well….I was going to ask Helen if she wanted to come tonight. Figured we'd not hit it off and since you're part of the team, she is……er….was too so thought I'd try to make it up."

"Yeah, well she's not here. Don't let me keep you, lots to do." He reached down for the liquor but Buffy was too quick.

"I think you've had more than enough of this. When did you last eat? Drowning your sorrows never works. It sounds harsh but you will get over her in time."

Spike started to laugh quietly to himself.

"What now?" said Buffy.

"Don't you get it? Don't you see?"

"See what?" she asked, "Spit it out, Spike, you're starting to annoy me."

Spike's tongue was loosened by alcohol and his pride was in tatters. He looked at her and quietly said,

"It's you, Buffy, it's always been you. I'm not drowning my sorrows, I'm drowning in you."

Buffy looked at him in amazement.

"Is that why Helen……?" her question tailed off.

"Yeah. I tried not to show it but she's a bright girl, didn't want to be second best. Can't blame her."

"But Spike I …….," she started.

"Don't need to say anything, pet." Spike cut her off.

He got up and stood looking out to the garden, his back to her.

"Just go. I just couldn't bear seeing you all dolled up tonight. I'll be okay."

"Spike," Buffy walked towards him.

"For Christ's sake, Buffy, I don't need you feeling sorry for me. Just bleeding leave me be."

"Spike!" shouted Buffy.

He started and looked round at her.

"Let me finish my sentence!" she cried.

She went up to him. He looked down so she took hold of his chin and made him raise his head until their eyes met.

"Spike, what I said in the Hellmouth, I meant it. I love you. I thought you were dead but I always dreamed of you, was always thinking I'd seen you. I couldn't believe it when you walked in the room that day. My dreams, my prayers were answered but then Helen arrived and how could I compare to her? She'd been there when you became human. I was there when you died. It's haunted me all this time that you didn't believe me. But I had to back off, I couldn't ruin what you had."

Spike couldn't believe what she was saying. Had he heard right? He was so pissed, could this be a dream?

"Buffy…" he started. This time she interrupted him but not with words, she stood on tiptoe and firmly planted a kiss on his lips.

He hesitated for a moment; still unable to believe it, then kissed her ardently. Kissed this woman who he'd loved for so long from afar, kissed her like his very life depended on it.

When they parted, both breathless, Buffy said,

"Now do me a favour, go have a shower, and shave and get sobered up. You're coming out to Andrew's party."

"But that's not 'til 8 pm, it's only 1:30 now," said Spike, tilting his head and smiling at her.

"I know," she replied with a cheeky grin, "Now get your shower and I'll phone Giles and tell him I'm taking the afternoon off."

Without further ado Spike rushed off to the bathroom and had the quickest shower humanly possible.

They made love several times during the course of the afternoon. The first time was hard, rough, with them devouring each other. The last was long, slow and sensuous, each taking time to give the maximum pleasure to the other.

As they lay in each other's arms, Buffy's hand went down under the covers to touch the scars on his leg.

"Why did you get so mad that day when I saw you and tried to touch this?" she asked.

"Thought you were just feeling sorry for me and I couldn't bear it. I hated you seeing me like this. " He gestured to his leg and scar on his forehead, "Scarred, weak and lame - not great attributes to have."

"You're a dope! I don't care about this. I don't care that you limp. It's you I love, Spike, the complete package however it's wrapped. Vampire, human, I don't care - it's you I need. Though I do have to say you look good with a bit of colour in your cheeks."

She shrieked as he grabbed hold of her and pulled her beneath the covers.


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

The next day Spike told the gang including, ironically, Buffy, that he and Helen had split but that he was okay.

It was the young slayers who noticed the relationship between Buffy and Spike had changed. The constant sniping from Buffy was replaced with effusive praise, and Spike's flirting with the girls was replaced by keeping his hands on Buffy for a fraction longer than necessary when going through fight moves.

Dawn overheard the slayers talking about it and went to find Buffy.

"Is it true?" she demanded.

"Is what true, Dawnie?" Buffy replied.

"You, Spike, the whole love thing? And don't tell me it's none of my business. It's all the slayers are talking about."

"Yes, Dawn, it is true."

"Why didn't you tell me? I'm your sister. I should've been the first to know!" She stood there, arms folded across her chest in such a typical 'Dawnie in a snit mode' that Buffy almost laughed.

"We were just waiting 'til the right time. We still can't believe it's happening ourselves. I've loved him for such a long time, Dawnie. Please be happy for me."

"Of course I'm happy for you," she replied, giving her sister a hug, "I'm just cross I didn't hear it from you first. Did the Immortal know you loved Spike even after you knew he was dead? Is that why he took it so bad?"

"Yes, he knew I'd never love him like I do Spike and confronted me about it, so that's when I ended it," answered Buffy, remembering how difficult it had been to extract the Immortal from her life, his fury at coming second to someone who was dead knowing no bounds.

"You've got to tell everyone, Buffy. Don't have them all hearing it like I did, it's not fair," said Dawn sensibly.

Ooooooooooooo

They told the others that evening after their work was finished and the young slayers gone to their quarters for the night. Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Andrew and Giles had gotten into the habit of having a drink together before going home. Spike usually went straight off for his run but this time joined them in the kitchen, leaning on the door frame, with the others seated at the table.

They'd agreed that Buffy would be doing the telling - she'd always been better at speeches than he had.

"I've got some news for you," Buffy started, "Well, it's more we've got some news."

She stood up and went to stand with Spike, taking his hand in hers. Everyone was staring at them.

"Spike and me…..we're an item," she finished.

Willow leapt up and went over to the couple, hugging them both in turn.

"That's fantastic, I'm so pleased. You're finally properly together."

The others joined in adding their congratulations to Willow's. Only Giles seemed a little reticent. After an hour or so Spike said he'd best be off and the others all started to move, too. Buffy went upstairs to her room in Giles' apartment to throw a few things into a bag so she could stay over at Spike's. As everyone left the kitchen Spike said to Giles,

"Rupert, can I have a word?"

"Yes, Spike. What is it?" said Giles, sounding a little defensive as well he might.

"Look, I know you've never been my biggest fan, even after all the help you've given me lately. There's still pretty well too much history between us for us to be buddies, but I want you to know that I do deeply love Buffy. I have for years. I sought my soul for her."

"To atone for trying to rape her," stated Giles baldly.

Spike shot him a look.

"Thing is I had a demon in me then, but I fought to be better Rupert. Okay so even now I'm human I'm not the best match for her, I know it. Least now I can give her a proper future. Just one thing I want to ask is why did you tell me she was with the Immortal? It made things so much harder. I ended up hurting Helen 'cause I tried to put Buffy behind me. Thought you were over doing those sorts of tricks, Rupe, after how things had gone in the past?"

"Honestly, Spike, I don't know why I said it. I just did. I just don't want to see Buffy hurt again," he replied.

"That makes two of us then," Spike said glibly.

Buffy arrived back at the kitchen and Spike turned to her and gave her a kiss, then winked at Giles, took her hand and led her away, leaving Giles shaking his head ruefully.

Ooooooooooooo

Buffy moved into Spike's flat permanently a week or so later, Dawn deciding to share with Willow. They soon settled into a routine, Spike as ever trying to keep as fit as possible. He still ran twice per day but now Buffy joined him. She'd even gotten him to jog home in the dark, albeit on the brightly lit main streets. It was getting towards Christmas time and it was dark by around 4.30pm.

The intake of slayers came and went. They studied and trained at the Council for ten weeks before returning to their Watchers. The schedule ran like clockwork, Spike and Buffy imparting all their knowledge to the girls. Spike got more confident, able to accept his human limitations without frustration.

He still missed his superior vampire strength, though, especially if Buffy got a bit carried away in their love-making. He grinned as he rubbed a bruise on his ribs from the night before.

Despite all of this, Spike was a worried man. Everything was a little too perfect. Life had a habit of slapping you down at times like these. He should know - he'd endured more than enough of life's foibles during his existence.

Oooooooooooooo

Christmas came and went, Xander coming to London for the holidays. The whole crew spent Christmas together eating and drinking way too much. Everyone was surprised at Spike's culinary skills, which soon achieved cult status. He pretty well single-handedly provided all the cooking. When commented on Spike just gave his usual grin, head tilting on one side and wondered why it was a surprise to them that he'd picked up some good skills over his hundred odd years. Plus, it got him out of the washing up.

Oooooooooooo

Just the other side of New Year's Day Spike heard Buffy throwing up in the bathroom. Not for the first time lately she emerged looking pale and wan.

"You okay love?" he asked, "I'm going to phone the doctors. This is happening too often, you need checking out."

"But I'll be alright," protested Buffy.

Spike gave her a look that brooked no argument and went to the phone.

An hour later they were sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office. Spike had insisted on coming with her, neither feeling very comfortable in the surroundings.

"Buffy Summers to room two." Came the announcement over the speakers.

Spike went to get up with her.

"You stay here," she said firmly and she went off to the doctor's room.

Spike sat there worriedly flicking through the months old magazine.

"_God, if there's anything seriously wrong I don't know what I'll do,"_ he thought in panic.

"Mr. Summers?" said a nurse.

"Mr. Summers?" she repeated, nudging Spike's arm.

"What? Huh? Oh, sorry, was miles away," stuttered Spike, not bothering to correct the nurse on the name thing.

"The doctor would like you to come through." She led the way.

"_Christ! There __is__ something terribly wrong!"_ he thought.

He got to the door and put his hand, which was shaking, out to open it.

"_Get a grip, Spike. Got to be there for her, not fall apart."_

"Ah, Mr. Summers," said the doctor, "Please take a seat."

Spike walked over and took the chair next to Buffy. Buffy was avoiding his gaze. His heart was hammering in his chest.

The doctor looked at the man opposite, taking in how anxious he looked. The patient was a lucky girl as he obviously thought the world of her, and so he decided to put him out of his misery. He smiled at Spike.

"I'm afraid you're going to have to look after Mrs. Summers most carefully," he said.

Spike, on the edge of his chair, leaned forward earnestly and said,

"Always, I'll look after her forever."

"Well, I'm not too worried about forever although that sounds very nice. I was thinking more of for the next seven months."

"What……?" he looked at Buffy who was beaming at him, eyes dancing.

"I'm pregnant, Spike! We're having a baby!"

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Spike, his face lighting up. He grabbed her and hugged her tight, then stopped and looked at her.

"Christ, was that too hard?"

"Spike, calm down! I'm pregnant, not made of glass," Buffy laughed, "I'm still huggable."

The doctor enjoyed scenes like this. It made him remember why he became a doctor in the first place and this handsome couple must have had some tough times in the past, judging by the man's limp and scarred face. It was nice to impart glad tidings for a change.

Spike looked at the doctor.

"Do we know when?" he asked, still unable to believe it.

"We'll know more when we've done the scans but going on what Buffy has told me. I'd expect the little one's arrival to be in July. A summer baby for the Summers," he joked.

After arranging appointments for scans and such, Buffy and Spike left the doctor's and went home. By the time she got home she knew Spike would end up driving her mad throughout the pregnancy if he carried on as he did - rushing to open doors, holding her arm as she went up some steps. Once in the flat he guided her to the sofa and rushed to the kitchen to make her some tea.

"Spike, honey?"

"Yes?" he replied, popping his head round the kitchen door.

"Stop."

"Stop what?" he queried.

"The fussing over me like I'm an invalid! Just come and sit with me!" she said in exasperation.

Obediently he came over and sat down. As soon as he had she thumped him hard on his arm.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?" he yelled.

"Just making sure the no fussing thing sinks in."

"Sorry, love," said Spike, holding her hand, "it's just…..well…….I never….." he stopped, overcome by emotion. He looked at Buffy with tears in his eyes.

Suddenly she knew what he meant. Vampires can't have children and even though he'd returned to human form he'd not dared believe that he'd be fertile again. The subject of children had never been mentioned.

"Oh, Spike," she said, crying openly herself as she kissed away his tears.

"It's just another of the things I used to think I could never give you," he said, "and I want to give you everything."

"You have given me everything. We're going to be a family"

They sat on the sofa holding each other tightly.

to be continued...


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Spike tried his hardest not to mollycoddle Buffy but he wasn't that successful. Surprisingly Buffy found she enjoyed it rather than resented it. After years of being a super powered slayer fighting demons, being a leader, and making extremely hard decisions, being pampered and fussed over like an ordinary girl made her feel great.

"I'm going away for a couple of days, pet," said Spike one day.

Finally the Council had managed to get, through channels no one wanted to refer to, all the documents Spike needed for his now human life, especially a driver's licence and a full passport, having travelled back from LA on an emergency one, all with the surname Summers.

"Where are you going? said Buffy, astonished at his announcement.

Since becoming human Spike was almost reclusive, spending time either at home or the Council but not venturing too far from these comfort zones.

"Giles just wants me to check something out for him. Nothing to worry your noggin about. Little Bit is going to stay with you, just in case."

"Spike, I'm only five months pregnant I haven't even started to waddle yet," said Buffy, although she could see her shape was really starting to change now, "I don't need Dawn to stay."

"You might not need her to but I do. I couldn't rest if you were alone, so humour me, all right?"

"Okay, I'll humour you just this once," she agreed, knowing that he wouldn't be swayed.

The next day Spike packed a small bag, kissed Buffy, then told her to ring him on his cell phone at least three times a day and that he'd be back late the following evening.

Buffy and Dawn had a great time whist he was away. They stayed up late watching seriously uncool weepy films, eating lots of ice cream and sharing the latest gossip.

When Spike arrived home he was looking very pleased with himself but wouldn't tell Buffy why, which annoyed her and made her sulky. For some reason he seemed to think that was funny.

"Patience, sweetheart, is a virtue I'm told," he chuckled, ducking to avoid the cushion she threw at him.

Oooooooo

That weekend Buffy awoke to the sound of Spike doing something in the kitchen. She wandered through to see what was going on and found him packing a picnic hamper with sumptious food.

"Sod it! I wanted to have this finished before you got up," he said when he saw her.

"Good morning to you too, lover," smiled Buffy.

"Shit, sorry." He went to her and kissed her, "Was supposed to be a surprise is all."

"Well, I am surprised. What are you up to?"

"We're going for a drive in the countryside, grab a bit of fresh air. Thought now I've got me a car, all legitimate-like, we ought to use it. Go get dressed and we'll head off as soon as you're ready."

"_A day in the country,"_ thought Buffy, _"I haven't had a day in the country in like……ever!"_ as she got ready to go.

They were soon on the way, heading west out of London. Once free of the city roads and on the M4 motorway the traffic thinned out a little. Buffy looked out of the window as the urban sprawl was replaced by rolling hills.

They stopped in the market town of Marlborough, nestling in the Wiltshire downlands. They did the tourist bit, having a look around the antique shops that were dotted about the town. At one point Buffy lost Spike, turning to speak to him and finding him gone. She wasn't worried, though, as the shop was like a maze and sure enough he soon popped back up at her elbow.

They got back into the car grateful of its warmth as the day, although bright, still had the feel of winter.

"Couldn't have gone for a picnic in the summer," thought Buffy.

Spike stopped the car and looked at Buffy expectantly.

"What?" she asked

He didn't say anything so she looked out to see where they were. He'd pulled up in front of a tiny cottage with red tiles on the roof, the bedroom windows sticking up out of it like a pair of eyes. The front door had a little porch round it and the garden was full of yellow daffodils pushing up through the soil.

"_I bet the garden is amazing in the summer,"_ thought Buffy.

She turned to ask Spike what they were doing there, and who they were visiting, when she saw him angling a set of keys in her direction.

"Shall we go inside?" he said with a mischievous grin.

"Uh, Okay," replied Buffy still not sure what was going on.

He leapt out of the car, ran round to her side to open the door for her, and held out his hand theatrically for her to take. She took it with a smile - his good mood was infectious.

Once inside Buffy looked round in delight. The room was beautiful - beams on the ceiling, white washed walls, and furnished with well used antiques and comfy looking sofas. An inglenook fireplace dominated one end with a log fire blazing away behind a guard.

Spike led her into the kitchen. It had an old fashioned aga range which provided central heating and hot water, and a kitchen table with four chairs. It was decorated gaily in lemons and blues making it bright and welcoming, the heart of the house.

"You go and look upstairs and I'll get our gear from the car," said Spike.

Buffy went up the stairs and found two bedrooms, one much larger than the other, with a big metal framed bed covered with a beautiful lilac patchwork quilt in the larger one. The smaller one was done out as a nursery, a lovely cot to one side of the window with a frieze of animals around the walls. In between the two was a tiny but functional bathroom.

She was stood in the nursery, hand absently stroking her stomach when Spike joined her.

"Do you like it?" he asked gently, watching her carefully.

"It's gorgeous Spike, but why are we here? Are we staying here on holiday? I haven't got any clothes or anything."

"Yes, we're having a little holiday but only for two days, and yes, you have clothes - I packed a bag when you were asleep. As to the reason why we're here, this, as long as you want to, is where we're going to live at least for the next year or so."

"Oh, Spike!" said Buffy and she promptly burst into tears.

"Don't cry love, it's okay. We don't have to come here. I just thought it'd be……."

"I love it!" she interrupted, "I love you for finding it too."

"Oh, thank God for that. I was so sure you'd like it I signed the lease already!"

"Is this?"

"Where I went for those couple of days? Yes, it is. I came up and got the bed linens and everything else we'll need. Dawnie's having the London flat. It's not so far for people to come to stay but thought it'd be nice to be out of London when the baby is born. I asked the agents to pop in and put the heating on and light the log fire so it'd be cosy for us. Come on, let's go down and eat."

Spike led her down the stairs and back into the kitchen. She gasped at the sight of the table set with a blue and white checked cloth, the food all laid out ready for them to tuck into.

"You have hidden talents, my perfect partner," laughed Buffy.

She never failed to be surprised at how domesticated he was; most of the time she'd known him he'd lived in a crypt.

Oooooooooooo

They moved to the cottage as Buffy entered the sixth month of her pregnancy, Giles readily agreeing to the move. Although he had had misgivings about the relationship it was obvious they thought the world of each other and Spike had thrown himself wholeheartedly into his work at the Council. Since the Council wasn't exactly a conventional employer, they were able to stop work and go to the cottage much earlier in her pregnancy than was normal, the advantage of being the senior slayer and her partner.

Spike kept in touch via the internet with the Council, able to watch the slayers workouts via the web cam and video link, so although not actually there he still played an important part in the training. The rest of the time he spent with Buffy, walking on the downs and generally acting like any other normal young couple. They didn't have any close neighbours but that suited them both fine.

As time went on and Buffy got larger and larger she contented herself with a waddle around the gardens which were now at their most beautiful, laughing at Spike's concern if she started to do some weeding. He was really starting to wrap her in cotton wool now her time was near

Spike still went out for his twice daily runs keeping fit as ever. He was running along one warm sunny evening when he suddenly had a feeling he'd better get home as soon as possible, He upped his pace going across a couple of meadows as a short cut. He flung open the front door and saw Buffy, telephone in hand.

"Oh! I was just going to call you," she said, "you're back earlier than I thought."

"Just had a feeling, what's up?"

"Nothing to worry about, Spike, just think the baby's ready to make an appearance."

"Christ!" exclaimed Spike in a panic, "Where's your bag? I'll go get it!"

"It's near your feet, you dope. Just calm down and bring the car around, will you?" she said, smiling at him.

She bent over groaning as another contraction took place.

"Buffy!" said Spike, still dithering at the doorway.

"Just…..get….the ….car!"

He turned and rushed out of the door only to reappear moments later muttering under his breath.

"Key, keys, where's the bloody keys?"

He found them and rushed to get the car. He grabbed the bag and helped Buffy into the front seat and drove away. Spike was torn between driving like a maniac to get there as fast as possible and driving like a little old lady and being as careful as possible. Fortunately for Buffy he opted for somewhere in between.

He pulled up at the entrance to the hospital and helped Buffy inside, just leaving the car where it was. Once Buffy was safely in the hands of the midwives he dashed outside and moved the car into a proper parking space. Back inside he went to where he'd left Buffy and she'd gone!

"Sodding hell," he said to himself, luckily a passing nurse gave him directions to where she was.

When he arrived the nurses joked that he was more out of breath than Buffy was. It was true! Having a slayer's physiology was meaning that the labour was progressing quickly and easily.

Spike sat on the chair near Buffy's bed and held her hand, looking at her with such devotion and love that the nurse who came to check Buffy's progress felt a little stab of envy.

'_Wish my husband would look at me like that,'_ she thought.

"Gosh, you're coming along quickly. I'll just get the team. Your baby's in a rush to get out," she told them.

As one particularly painful contraction seized Buffy, Spike found himself regretting holding her hand as it now felt like it was being crushed to dust.

Not very long afterwards Buffy gave a final push and their baby was born. Buffy laid back tired as the midwife cut the cord and checked the baby, who started to cry lustily.

"It's a girl, a perfect baby girl," said the midwife, giving Buffy her baby to hold.

Spike sat there transfixed, tears in his eyes at the sight of his beautiful girls. Buffy smiled at him. They hadn't really discussed names, not wanting to tempt fate until its safe arrival. Now looking at Spike's face Buffy knew there was only one name their daughter could have.

"Spike, I think I'd like to name her after my mom and the look on your face, too. I'd like to call her Joy."

"That's perfect," said Spike. He'd always liked Joyce, Buffy's mom. She'd always treated him well and as far as he was concerned the baby was a bundle of joy he never expected to have.

"Time to leave your ladies to get some rest. Come back to see them tomorrow," said one of the nurses.

"But, I want to……." started Spike.

"No, they need their sleep. It'll be morning soon enough - it's almost midnight," said the nurse firmly.

Spike looked at Buffy and she nodded slightly to let him know it was okay to leave.

He wandered back to the car in a daze then suddenly remembered he needed to let the gang know. When he reached the car he sat in it, got out his cell phone and made the first of the calls.

Everyone was delighted at the news and demanded photos to be sent via e-mail as soon as possible. As far as anyone knew Buffy was only the second slayer in history to have a child, the first being Nicky Wood in the seventies in New York. She was not someone Spike liked to be reminded of these days as she was the second slayer he'd killed as a vampire.

Spike arrived back at the hospital the next morning to find Buffy in a heated debate with her doctor.

"But I feel fine, doctor. I'll do much better at home and we're only twenty minutes away from here anyway." She noticed Spike's arrival.

"Spike, tell him I'll be okay at home."

"Well, it's up to the doc, love," he said as she scowled at him for not taking her side.

In the end they reached a compromise, the doctor allowing her to leave that evening since she'd recovered so well. Spike spent an hour or so with Buffy and Joy, holding the baby awkwardly, afraid of hurting such a tiny thing.

"I'll be back for you both later," he said as he stood to leave, "Just want to get everything organised so we don't need to go anywhere for at least a couple of days."

As he left Buffy smiled down at her daughter.

"Joy, I know I shouldn't but the thought of your daddy carrying a basket in a supermarket always makes me want to giggle! Hardly the image of 'The Big Bad' he used to cultivate for so long, is it? Think your dad may end up being 'The Big Softie'!"

Spike stood back and admired his hard work, the cupboards and refrigerator groaning with the amount of groceries he'd bought. On the kitchen table was a little teddy bear for Joy and a bouquet of flowers for Buffy, along with some helium-filled balloons proudly proclaiming 'It's a girl'. Satisfied with what he saw he went out to the car to go to collect them.

They soon settled into a routine, their lives revolving around the needs of little Joy, who mercifully was a very happy and easygoing baby. Spike was such a doting dad that Buffy sometimes felt superfluous to requirements except when Joy needed feeding! She didn't mind, though. She loved watching Spike with Joy.

The weather was perfect too. English summer weather at its best - sunny days and warm evenings. The couple became a regular sight walking together pushing Joy in her stroller, often sitting in the garden of the pub for a drink before walking the half mile or so home.

Spike still kept up his video link sessions with the slayers under the care of the Watchers Council but both he and Buffy felt removed from the life they'd had before moving to the cottage and having Joy. Buffy had been released from the pressure of being The Slayer when Willow used the power of the ancient scythe to make all potentials become slayers proper. She was grateful for it now as she now felt she had a future, something she'd never really believed in before.

to be continued...


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Three months after Joy's birth, things back at the Watchers Council in London were far from idyllic. Dawn was due to start her university course and Willow was frantically trying to find a replacement even a quarter as good. Not only was Dawn a whiz at research but she now was more than capable of doing basic spells, such as locators, which took some of the work load from Willow.

"I was hoping one of the slayers would step in to fill Dawnie's shoes but I think the words slayer and research are just unmixey things," moaned Willow to Giles as she yet again drew a blank in her interviews.

"It must be programmed into them," laughed Giles.

Andrew walked into the room looking grave.

"Had another report of trouble in LA."

"Another?" exclaimed Giles, "How many is that now?"

"It takes it up to fifteen over the past couple of weeks. The feeling out there is that something's searching for someone or something."

"What kind of nasty are we dealing with? What sort of demon?" asked Willow.

"Preliminary reports indicate that it's most likely vampires but there's a level of organisation behind them that's unusual. The office over there is worried something big is brewing," answered Andrew.

"I think we need to get someone out there," said Giles, "They haven't really had any field work experience yet."

"No, things have been pretty quiet since we upped the slayer numbers," added Willow.

"But evil's resilient and is obviously adapting to the new numbers of slayers," said Giles, "Andrew, I think you'd better contact Xander and get him to go and investigate. We can't spare anyone from here."

"I'll e-mail him right away," Andrew replied.

"Ooh! Get him to call in here first before he goes to LA Buffy's bringing Joy up for a visit and I'm sure he'd love to see her," said Willow.

"Good idea. Plus we can get him up to speed on what we know before he gets on site," said Giles.

"Is Spike coming with Buffy and Joy?" asked Andrew, as ever keen to see him.

"Yes, but not for the first few days. Buffy has finally gotten him to agree to allow them come up first. I think she needs a bit of space," answered Willow.

"Problems?" asked Giles.

"No, not at all. It's just Spike's being so super helpful it's making her feel a little smothered, but she loves him to death, no fear of that changing," said Willow firmly, "Think she just needs a little adventure and bringing Joy up will be that. Spike's going to come on the train at the weekend and drive back home with them."

"When are they arriving?" asked Andrew.

"Monday," replied Willow.

"Let's not mention the troubles in LA to Buffy just yet. When you e-mail Xander tell him just to say he's going over there to sort out their training techniques if she asks," said Giles.

"Good idea, don't want to stress her out," agreed Willow.

Ooooooooooo

The morning of Buffy and Joy's departure arrived, Spike sulkily helping to pack the car for their stay.

"Bloody fought a sodding apocalypse with less stuff than this," he grumbled as he carried out what seemed to be the hundredth bag.

"Oh, stop being so bad moody," said Buffy, "You're going to upset Joy." She smiled to herself as he immediately stopped his moaning and made sure Joy's travel cradle was securely fitted.

"_Works every time,"_ she said to herself.

The thing that had made it easier for Spike to let them go without him was the fact Xander would be there for a couple of days. He and Xander had never been exactly friendly and Spike felt uncomfortable knowing that Xander still remembered much of the bad he'd done in his vampire pre-soul days; not the least the attack on Buffy, which he still keenly felt with horror even though the girl in question had quite obviously forgiven it.

"_No, I won't miss seeing Xander."_

Finally everything was packed into the car, including little Joy. He walked with Buffy to the car door, kissed her passionately and told her to ring him the instant she arrived.

"Course I will," Buffy hugged him, got in the car and drove away.

"_Everything I love in the world is in that car,"_ he thought as it disappeared round a corner and he dispiritedly walked back into the cottage.

He went into the kitchen and poured himself a large measure of whiskey, not caring that it was only 11am.

"_Everything's so perfect, just can't help thinking it's too good to be true,"_ Spike thought as he downed the drink in one swallow, grimacing as it burned its way down his throat.

"Don't be so bloody maudlin," he scolded himself.

He'd see them again on Saturday and so decided he'd just better make the best of it. He went out into the garden and started to tend to the plants, trimming off the dead blooms and weeding, finding as always that it calmed him down and cheered him up.

Oooooooooo

Buffy pulled up outside the Council's offices and hoped there'd be someone to help lug all her stuff up the three flights of stairs to Giles' apartment. She needn't have worried - within seconds of her turning off the ignition the gang was there. One advantage of having a witch as a best friend was that she always knew when you arrived.

"Xander!" cried Buffy, hugging him so hard he had to tell her to stop.

"Hey, Buffster, I know you're not big with the slaying these days but you kinda still got that old super strength thing going," he laughed.

"Oh God! Sorry, sorry. It's just I haven't seen you since…" she hesitated.

"Yeah, since Spike announced his return, like a phoenix from the ashes," finished Xander.

"Where's my niece?" asked Dawn. She looked in the front seat where Joy, true to form, was fast asleep in her cradle, all strapped in and secure.

They got Joy and all the bags, most of which it has to be said were hers, and trekked upstairs.

"I don't know how Mom used to cope with us," said Buffy when they were sitting together having lunch, "I get tired out and I'm a slayer!"

They all laughed.

"Shit!" exclaimed Buffy, "I haven't phoned Spike!"

She pulled out her phone and called him. He picked it up on the first ring.

"Hi, we're here safe and sound."

"Was getting worried. Did you get caught in traffic?"

"Just a little," lied Buffy, not wanting to let him know she'd gotten so caught up in showing off Joy that she'd forgotten.

"Well, glad you're there okay, pet. Enjoy your stay and I'll be on the train that gets into Paddington Station at 10.45 on Saturday morning. Give Joy a kiss and cuddle from me, love you."

He hung up without waiting for her reply. Buffy knew he wasn't being grumpy, she could hear the catch in his voice as he spoke. He really was ruled by his emotions; mind you he always had been even when he was a vampire.

That done she turned her attention back to her friends and sister, everyone taking turns in holding Joy, who seemed to enjoy all the attention.

"A big flirt just like her mom," joked Xander.

Ooooooooooooo

That night Xander and Giles were alone in the library, everyone else had gone to bed.

"What's the lowdown on the situation in LA, Giles? Do we know anymore than Andrew e-mailed me last week?" asked Xander.

"We're still not sure. The attacks haven't been proven to be connected but after so little activity over there since the fall of Wolfram & Hart's branch it doesn't seem prudent to think it's just coincidence," replied Giles, and he went on to outline the attacks.

"They've all taken place within a few blocks of the site of Wolfram & Hart. It's not all on humans either, by any means, it's mostly demons that have been reported dead. And they showed signs of torture, and when demons take on demons……." said Giles.

"It's not usually of the good," supplied Xander.

The human casualties have been women; they'd been violently assaulted but no evidence of torture found on them. The local Watchers seem to think that it's two groups working the town but I'm inclined to think it's all part of the same thing."

"I think the same," agreed Xander. "We'll know more soon enough when I get over there."

He was due to leave for LA on Wednesday morning which gave him a full day tomorrow in the company of his three favourite ladies Willow, Buffy and Dawn. No wait, four favourites, adding Joy to the list.

Oooooooooooo

Spike got up at his usual early time and set off for his run. He was wearing shorts, no longer worried about how scarred his leg was, secure in the knowledge he'd gotten the girl of his dreams. He pushed himself a little harder today and went a little further, just wanting to fill up the day. Ironically there wasn't any work for him this week as the new intake of slayers didn't arrive until the week after.

'_Looks like a lot of gardening,'_ he thought to himself as he ran.

"God, this is boring," he said to himself later as he stopped for lunch. Even putting on a Sex Pistols album didn't alleviate it. He hadn't realised how little there was for him to do if the girls weren't there with him.

After his evening run and a shower he wandered restlessly about, unable to settle. He decided to go to the pub where he and Buffy often stopped when out with Joy.

"_Least I'll get someone to talk to."_

He walked quickly down to the pub, found an empty stool at the bar and sat down, helping himself to a few peanuts from the bowl on the bar.

"Jack Daniels, please," he said to the barman.

"Alone tonight?" queried the barman, "I don't think I've seen you without your wife and baby."

Spike didn't correct him regarding the marriage thing as both he and Buffy considered what they had as a marriage and a piece of legal paper wouldn't change that.

"Yeah, they're away for a few days, visiting friends. I'm going up at the weekend," replied Spike, glad it wasn't busy so the barman, Eddy, could stay chatting.

"_Funny how bar staff could get away with asking questions that would seem a bit off from anyone else,"_ thought Spike, as Eddy asked him about his injuries - the scar on his face and the limp.

"Car wreck," he replied, opting for the easiest possible response, chuckling inwardly at what Eddy would make of the truth. _"'See, I was a vampire, got into a fight, big demon cut me with a sword, wall fell on me, woke up human!' Just might get me kicked out of the place."_

"Must have been a bad one."

"Yeah, lucky to be alive," replied Spike, still enjoying his private joke.

There was an old man sitting at a table near the fireplace, a box of dominoes in front of him.

Eddy saw Spike glance over at him.

"That's Ned, good ole boy, comes in every night, has couple of halves of mild and toddles off home. Usually tries to get a game of dominoes in if he can."

"That right?" said Spike, "Think I might just go over and see if he wants a game." He got off his stool and crossed the bar to Ned.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked, sitting down as the old man nodded.

"My name's Spike," he said, "Eddy said you'd give me a game of dominoes?"

"What sort of bloody name is Spike?" asked Ned rudely.

Spike looked back to see Eddy laughing.

"Well it's…er… a nickname."

"What's your proper name then?" insisted Ned.

"William."

"Right then, William let's get on with our game. I'm a bit thirsty, mind. A drink wouldn't go amiss."

Before Spike could get up, Eddy arrived with another JD for Spike and a half pint of mild for Ned. He took Spike's money with a wink and went back behind the bar.

A couple of hours later and having lost every game they'd played Spike decided to call it a night and went out to head for home. He opened the door and was greeted by darkness. He looked at his watch - it was later than he'd thought. He still, irrationally perhaps, feared the dark but he took a deep breath, raised his chin and stepped outside, pride not allowing him to call for a taxi for so short a distance. He walked as fast as he could, refusing to give in to the urge to run, knowing that if he did it would end in panic. He was relieved to see the cottage when it appeared through the gloom. He hurriedly opened the door, went inside and switched on a few lights.

"_Nothing to worry about, Spike."_ he thought ruefully, deciding that this avoiding of the dark must end. _"Can't have Joy having a Dad that's scared of the dark." _He decided to go to the pub each evening,_ "Better a bit of a brisk walk in the dark than sitting here alone."_

_To be continued..._


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen 

Xander left for LA after having spent a lovely time with the 'Scoobies'. Dawn all excited about reading history at university, Willow, well she was always the same, bright full of fun, great company - well apart from the time she nearly ended the world! And Buffy - watching her with Joy was just amazing. Andrew seemed to be turning into a Giles mini me but was a great asset to have. Giles had fussed over Joy like the honorary grandfather he was.

"Yes," thought Xander as he sat on the plane, "It's been a good day."

He'd been glad to get the call to go to LA as he'd started to feel he was ready to join up with the Scoobies again, his grief at losing Anya finally fading to the point that he could remember her with happiness and tenderness, not with guilt and pain.

"Wonder what I'll find when I get there?" he mused.

LA had been pretty quiet lately. He hoped it wasn't something trying to establish a hold on the place.

When the plane landed he walked through to find a short mousy haired guy holding a card bearing his name. Xander found this a bit amusing since, although he wouldn't know who was waiting for him, he was pretty hard to miss himself with the patch over his left eye. He walked up to the man, and looked down on him, being at least a foot taller than him.

"Hi, I'm Xander Harris." he said, extending a hand.

"Carl Steigers, pleased to meet you," came the reply.

They shook hands and Carl led the way to his car. The journey to the Watchers Council office took about forty five minutes, during which time Carl avoided saying anything about why Xander was there, just chatting about inane subjects like the weather, how the football team was getting on and so on. Xander found this to be slightly bizarre but perhaps he wanted to give the details when he wasn't having to concentrate on his driving.

"Yeah, perhaps it wasn't a bad thing," thought Xander, after Carl swerved violently from one lane to another.

Once at the office Xander was taken to a room that had three people waiting in it.

"These are my colleagues - Jane Pitts, Robert Gibson and Toby Parker," said Carl, "This is Xander Harris."

Introductions out of the way the five of them sat at the table to discuss the problem at hand.

In the beginning they weren't telling Xander anything he hadn't heard from Giles and Andrew but he let them tell it uninterruptedly as he'd found it best that way. Questions can come later.

Xander found it interesting that the attacks on demons had given way to attacks on humans, although the local watchers were still talking as if they were two separate problems. He felt it more likely due to an escalation of one entity in its aim to find whatever it is that it wants. When demons couldn't give it its answers it ventured on to humans. But what the hell did it want? No clues were available as no survivors had been found.

Xander took the case notes back to his hotel room with him to study at his leisure. He'd barely been there an hour when Carl phoned.

"I'm on my way to pick you up. There's been another attack but this time she's still alive!"

"This is probably the breakthrough we've needed," thought Xander as he waited.

Ooooooooooooo

Dawn had volunteered to baby-sit so that Buffy and Willow could go to a West End show. It was the first time Buffy was leaving Joy behind since she'd been born. She went over everything with Dawn so many times that in the end Dawn practically threw her big sister out of the door!

"Go! Enjoy! We'll be fine!" said Dawn, closing the door behind her. "Phew! Getting rid of your Mommy was tough," she said to Joy, "Now shall we party or sleep? Sleep it is then." She chuckled as she saw Joy was already fast asleep.

Oooooooooooo

Spike put down the phone. Buffy had just called letting him know what they'd been up to that day and that she and Willow were going to see a musical. He was glad Buffy was having a good time and knew Dawn would take good care of Joy. He was missing them both like mad but he'd be there with them the day after tomorrow. He couldn't wait!

He was smiling as he went out of the door heading for the pub and another game of dominoes with Ned. He liked chatting to the old man although he had to be careful when Ned started talking about World War II as, although Spike had been around then, he couldn't let it slip to Ned!

Ooooooooooooo

Xander and the other council members couldn't get to see the injured woman until the next day as she'd been unconscious when she was brought in. There was no ID on her so they couldn't even check into her background to see if anything came to light. Obviously the police were trying to talk to her too but the Watchers Council's scary connections to seemingly every official department meant that Xander and Carl were given permission to see her once she was awake.

They walked into the Grant Memorial Hospital and made their way to the desk to find out which room the victim was in. Xander, letting Carl do the talking, was lost in his own thoughts. The last time he'd been in a hospital was after Caleb had ruined his left eye so he wasn't exactly enjoying that trip down memory lane. He wasn't really listening to Carl and the nurse but suddenly something got his attention.

"Say again!" he said, "What did you say her name was?"

"Helen Green," replied the nurse. "She's a nurse over at St David's across town."

"Oh my God!" cried Xander.

"What's wrong?" asked Carl.

"I know her. She was a …er….friend's girlfriend. Oh man, this can't be a coincidence," Xander replied. "Quickly, where's she at?"

Carl led the way to the room the nurse had indicated. She opened the door and they went in. The light was dim but both men came to a halt as they saw her. Her face was badly battered, both eyes black and swollen almost completely shut, a delicate line of sutures closing a wound on her cheek. She also had a cast on her right arm, which was broken.

Xander moved towards the bed.

"Helen, do you remember me? It's Xander, we met in London," he said gently.

She moved her head slowly so she could look at him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked through lips cut and swollen. "I don't understand." A tear rolled down her cheek.

Shh, shh, it's okay, you're alright," soothed Xander, "I'm here to help you, to help to find who did this to you. Are you feeling up to telling me what happened?"

She slightly nodded her head. Xander indicated for Carl to leave them alone. He left without a word, relieved to be out of the room, the sight of the poor girl making him so angry.

"I was walking home from a friend's house," she said, words slightly mumbled due to her swollen lips, "when I was grabbed by two men. Well, I thought they were men at first but then they changed, their faces……" she faltered.

"Go on. I'll believe everything you say, Helen, no matter how weird it seems, I promise," said Xander.

"Uh, okay, well, these …. things….grabbed me. I struggled but they were so strong…….they pulled me into an alley and started saying they wanted answers and I'd better tell the truth…that's when their faces changed." Helen gave a little sob at the memory.

"Did they say who was wanting the answers?" asked Xander gently.

"Not then…..not 'til after……after they……" she gestured to her face. "I don't think they knew I heard it as they just threw me to the ground and walked away. They said the Immortal will be pleased. I remembered it as it was so odd."

Xander's heart sank as he heard it was the Immortal. Buffy! She must be in danger.

"What questions did they ask you?" he said, keeping his voice calm, belying the panic rising inside.

"Spike, they wanted to know where Spike was!" she started to cry, "And I told them…….I tried not to but it hurt so much. Then they broke my arm….just snapped it like a twig. I thought they'd kill me so I told them." The words were drowned out by the sobs that wracked her body.

Xander put his arms around her, trying to comfort her.

"Where exactly did you tell them Spike was?" he asked, thinking of Dawn now living in the apartment that Helen and Spike had shared. He wanted to dash off to use the phone but needed the whole story first.

"The……..the cottage, oh, I should have lied but I was so scared."

"But how did you know about that?"

"Spike wrote me when he and Buffy got together. We've exchanged a few letters since. Oh God! What if they hurt Buffy or the baby? What have I done?"

"Helen. It'll be okay, don't beat yourself up about it. Anyone would have done the same. They've killed others they've questioned - you're lucky."

"What are they, Xander?"

"Later, Helen. I'll tell all later but first I've got to leave you for a minute of two. I'll be back and I promise I'll answer all your questions."

He hurried from the room and headed out of the hospital so he could use his cell phone.

"C'mon, c'mon, pick up." he muttered. He looked at his watch - it was seven am so in England it'd be…..he tried to work it out…….about midnight. Wake up! Goddamnit!"

Oooooooooo

Spike had stayed at the pub later than normal and it had to be said that he was more than a little worse for the drink. He was catching the train the next morning to be re-united with his girls and had thought it reason enough for a little celebration! He reeled slightly as the fresh air hit him and turned for home, walking slowly and humming to himself.

Oooooooooooo

Giles answered the phone, glancing over at the clock as he picked it up. He'd only been asleep an hour.

"Hello?" he said blearily.

"Giles, it's Xander! We've got trouble!" he shouted, relieved to have gotten hold of him.

"No need to shout. I'm awake. What's going on?"

Xander recounted the attack on Helen and how the Immortal was gunning for Spike.

"He's due here tomorrow, well, later today," said Giles, "but I'd better warn him just in case. It's not likely the Immortal can mobilise troops over here that fast, though."

"Remember she was unconscious for a day, Giles. They've got a head start. Thank God Buffy and Joy are with you. Willow's got that place so well protected no way anyone could get them there."

"Go and be there for Helen. The poor girl will need it after what she's been through. I'll phone Spike," said Giles

He dialled the cottage's number. It started to ring….

Oooooooo

Spike was just getting his key out of his pocket when he heard a phone ringing. He pulled out his cell phone and looked at it blankly. That wasn't ringing, so what was? Oh yeah! The house phone.

"I'm coming," he muttered as he tried to get the key in the lock.

Suddenly he was slammed into the door, the force of it knocking the breath out of him.

"You're not going anywhere," growled a voice behind him.

Spike turned round.

"Oh, bollocks!" he said as he came face to face with two massive vampires, both well over six feet tall and built like bodybuilders.

He turned back to the door - if he could just get it open and get inside……

He was rewarded with a vicious kick to his left leg, right on the site of the injury. He fell to the floor. He lashed out with his right foot as hard as he could, satisfied when he heard a grunt as it connected with one of the vampires. But the scuffle didn't last long. Two vampires versus one pissed lame human was only going to end one way.

One of the vampires grabbed Spike, pinning his arms to his side, the other punched him ferociously in the stomach. Again Spike fell to the floor, coughing and gasping for breath.

"Right, Spike, you're coming with us," said the first vampire, lifting him with effortless ease until he was holding Spike so his face was level with his own, feet dangling inches off the floor.

With that he pulled Spike towards him and bit deep into his neck.

The last thought Spike had before losing consciousness was that the phone was still ringing……………

to e continued...


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty 

"Damn it.! Giles slammed the phone down. He pulled on his robe and went to wake Buffy. He didn't have Spike's cell phone number and perhaps he'd answer that. He knocked gently on the door.

"Buffy?" Are you awake?" he called softly.

A moment later Buffy opened the door, always a light sleeper and now even more so due to Joy's needs.

"Giles! What is it? What's wrong?" Panic was evident in her voice.

"It's probably nothing but I tried to call the cottage and there was no answer. Can you call him on his cell?"

"Spike? Oh my God! What's going on?"

Buffy dashed into her room and picked up her phone. She hit the speed dial button for Spike, listened for a moment, then hung up.

"Giles, what is it?" she shouted, not caring that she woke Joy.

"It's the Immortal, Buffy. Xander's just found out. He'd had Helen attacked in his efforts to find Spike. She's alive but badly beaten and she told them of the cottage."

"I've got to go!" Buffy turned and started picking up clothes to put on. "His phone was off, Giles. He never has it turned off. Something's happened to him!"

"Buffy, you can't just head off. There's a local coven that we deal with. I'll get them to check out the cottage - they'll be there a lot quicker than you can be."

"Okay, do that, Giles, but hurry. I can't stand it."

Giles quickly contacted the witches who promised to go immediately and report back. He went into the kitchen to put the kettle on. It was going to be a long night. By the time the coven got back in touch everyone was gathered in the kitchen. Buffy paced up and down and the others gloomily nursed cups of coffee.

They all jumped when the phone rang. Giles answered it, listened for a while then said "I see" and hung up. He turned to the others.

"Spike's not there. There's signs of a struggle near the front door and Buffy, I'm afraid they said there was blood, human blood, on the path," Giles said quietly.

Buffy burst into tears.

"The bastard!" she said, with all the more effect as she spoke so softly, "If he kills Spike……..she didn't finish the sentence.

Oooooooooo

Xander went back into Helen's room.

"Is he okay?" she asked

"I don't know," he replied honestly. "I've just contacted Giles. I told him I'd phone later to find out."

"What's going on, Xander. What were those……things?"

"Vampires," said Xander.

"What? That's not funny, Xander."

"It's the truth, Helen. Vampires are real, pretty well just like in the movies except they don't turn into bats. That's just a myth," he said. "There's a whole other world out there that most us are mercifully ignorant of, but it is real nonetheless. Vampires, demons, good versus evil, that's what we deal with on a daily basis.

Helen's mind reeled. How could it be?

"Let me start at what was the beginning for me. Willow and I were in high school in Sunnydale, California, just regular geeky kids, when a new girl turns up - Buffy. Anyway, we pal up and all hell literally ensues. Turns out that she's the Slayer, the Chosen One, the one girl destined to fight the forces of evil and protect humanity. Our high school was built on the mouth of Hell so there was lots of weird stuff going on. Giles was her Watcher, her mentor, if you like. Between us we've saved the world a lot and the good part is that most people didn't know it was in peril in the first place.

After the last apocalypse Willow did a spell that made all Potentials, those waiting for the call should the Chosen One die, into slayers in their own right, thus giving us a few thousand more weapons in our fight against evil. That's the work the Council does. I came to investigate the attacks. Things have been pretty quiet since the slayer numbers increased."

Helen was looking at Xander like he was completely crazy.

"My God! If I hadn't seen those…..er……vampires myself I wouldn't have believed you. But how does Spike fit in? Is he a Watcher like Giles?"

Xander had to stifle a smile at the thought.

"No, he's not. He's………it's complicated." Xander paused, trying to think how he could tell her about Spike, especially as she'd had a relationship with him.

"Tell me!" insisted Helen.

"Ok, I'll try," said Xander, "Spike was a normal guy living in London when in 1880……"

"When?" exclaimed Helen.

"Told you it was complicated."

Xander went on to tell her of Spike's bloody past as a vampire, how he'd fallen in love with Buffy, got his soul for her, and fought for good, not evil.

"But if he's a vampire, how can he go out in the light? Or is that a myth too?" asked Helen, confused.

"No. Garlic, stakes, crosses, sunlight, holy water – that part's all true but the night Spike was brought into the hospital a powerful prophecy came into force. It made him human again as a reward for saving the world," added Xander, thinking that he'd leave the whole 'burned up in the Hellmouth, came back as ghost' 'til a bit later.

"My God," said Helen, but it did all kind of make sense. The way he'd reacted on coming out of the coma and why he wouldn't talk of his past. No wonder!

"Who's the Immortal and what does he want with Spike? I'm sure I've heard it before," asked Helen.

"He's a centuries old demon, the suavest of the suave. He's unbelievably handsome and charming when he wants to be but utterly ruthless when crossed. He and Buffy had a bit of a thing but she ended it and he took it very badly. I think he wants Spike to get revenge on Buffy."

"Why wait until now?" asked Helen.

"I think he may have only just found out that Spike was alive. The fact that he's now human probably threw him off the scent."

At that moment a nurse came in.

"Time for you to go, sir, our patient needs rest."

Xander left promising to visit again that evening, thinking she probably needed a strong drink after what he'd told her, not a rest.

He phoned Giles and got the news he'd feared - Spike missing, blood at the scene.

"How's Buffy?" he asked.

"Going crazy. She just wants to head out to try to find him but the Immortal's not dumb, we can't go off half-cocked. Willow's done several spells but they've all just backfired. Wherever Spike is, whether dead or alive, it's cloaked with some major power."

"What do you want me to do?" asked Xander.

"Stay over there. When Helen's released get her to a safe house. Run a protection spell around it and stay with her until we know she'll be safe. Don't want them going back to tie up loose ends," said Giles.

"Okay." Agreed Xander, "But if you need me over there…?"

"I know, I'll get you back."

Ooooooooooooo

Spike regained consciousness. He was slumped against a wall in a small room; well, dungeon would be more accurate. As he shifted he felt the chains on his wrists dig in. They were holding his arms up at over the height of his head. He tried to touch the wound on his neck but the chains wouldn't allow it. He felt sick and light headed. That big git of a vamp had drained enough blood out of him to make him pass out but not quite enough to kill him. He tried to stand and managed it only by pulling himself up on his chains. He swayed and nearly collapsed but leant back against the wall and managed to keep on his feet.

Moments later, though, he doubled over and vomited violently. His left leg gave way and he crashed back to the floor in more or less the same position as before. He grimaced as he realised his left leg had ended up in the pool of vomit. He straightened it out. The pain almost made him faint in his weakened state.

"_They'd done their homework,"_ he thought, _"They knew exactly where to hit that bloody leg."_

Oooooooooo

Buffy was going out of her mind. Willow was seriously worried about her friend - she hadn't seen her like this before. It didn't help that they could find no clue to indicate where Spike had been taken. He may even be in a different country by now or……

"No!" thought Willow, "He can't be dead - it'd kill Buffy, too."

Luckily Joy needing feeding and changing helped to keep Buffy going, determined not to let her baby down, but Buffy was equally certain she had to do something to get her daughter's father back.

"Oh, Will. I've got to do something. I can't just wait here!" cried Buffy.

"There's nothing we can do for now except be extra vigilant here that no one can get near you or Joy," said Willow, trying to calm her friend down. "We can protect you here but if you leave here anything could happen. I can't protect you on the move."

"And I can't just sit here, Will, Spike needs me. God, now he's human he'll be so easy for the Immortal to hurt. He hasn't got the strength to fight….." her words trailed off as she broke down in tears, head in hands.

Willow put her arm around her friend, unable to say or do anything that would make it right. The only thing that would was Spike's safe return.

Joy started to cry, too, picking up on her mom's anguish. Buffy started to get up but Willow stopped her.

"It's okay, I'll see to her."

Buffy gratefully let Willow tend to Joy. Looking at her was so hard. She was a piece of Spike. The thought that Spike might never see her grow up was almost too much to bear.

Ooooooooooooo

Helen was approved for release. Xander went to pick her up and take her to one of the Council's secret safe houses. Once they were inside he chanted the spell that would put a protective barrier around the house. Helen watched him with interest as he cast the spell. She still couldn't get over what she'd learned over the past couple of days. Xander, at her insistence telling her of their various battles - even one time when a demon made the whole town become a musical! She thought of the vampires that attacked her and shuddered. They were hideous beasts. It was hard to think of Spike in those terms but although she knew Xander had said she'd told him all about Spike, she sensed that he'd spared her a lot of the gory details and for that she was grateful.

"So what do we do now?" she asked.

Xander grinned at her,

"Anything you like as long as you don't leave the house."

"For how long?"

"Honestly? We don't know but we figured the Immortal thinks those vamps killed you and no way do you want to be in his way if he finds out you're alive," Xander replied grimly.

"Any news about Spike?" She still felt so guilty she'd told where he lived.

"No, nothing as yet, but we're working on it. Now let's get you sitting down and I'll get us a drink, you still look pretty shaky."

They went into the lounge and Helen curled up on the sofa, glad to be out of the hospital, much preferring the role of nurse to that of patient.

Oooooooooo

Spike heard footsteps approaching. He'd no idea how long he'd been unconscious or, for that matter, how long he'd been awake. Time seemed suspended. The door was flung open and the two vampires who'd jumped him at the cottage walked in.

"Get up," said the one who obviously fancied himself the leader.

He was about six feet five, a good three inches taller than the other, with jet black hair tied back in a pony tail. The other had ginger hair in a crew cut.

"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather sit," said Spike glibly.

The carrot top grabbed him by the throat and effortlessly lifted him until he was standing.

"Oh, okay then. Thanks for the lift," said Spike once the creature had released its hold on him.

He was rewarded with a back handed slap across the face, hard enough to make his teeth rattle. Blood dripped from his split lip.

"_Way to go, Spike,"_ he said to himself, wishing for once he'd learn to keep his mouth shut, especially since he no longer had a vampire's strength or resilience.

The ginger vamp swung his arm back as if to strike another blow when the pony tailed one grabbed it and stopped him.

"Gordy, pack it in. You know what the boss said."

"But Bill, he pissed me off," whined Gordy.

"Yeah, well, you don't want to piss the boss off. You know that now he's human he's too easy to kill by accident," said Bill, talking of Spike.

Spike stood there favouring his left leg and leaning against the wall for balance.

"_Great. If these two are the monkeys where's the bleeding organ grinder?"_ he thought, _"What the bloody hell am I in the middle of?"_

Gordy approached Spike again, who, despite himself, shrank back as the vampire grabbed one of his wrists. Spike silently cursed himself for being so weak. Time was he'd have finished these two without exerting himself.

"_Yeah, this being human thing sucks in a crisis,"_ he thought.

He relaxed a bit as he realised the vampire was unlocking the manacles on each wrist.

"Right, I'll just be off then. Thanks for the hospitality," said Spike.

Gordy growled at Spike but Bill put a restraining hand on him.

"Oh, you're so funny! Say another word and I'll finish off what I started the other night. You were out for so long I thought I'd overdone it, but then I was hungry." He licked his lips as he spoke and Gordy started to laugh.

"The other night? So how long have I been here?" asked Spike.

"We brought you here Friday night and it's now early Monday morning. We'd better get you where you're going before daybreak puts a stop to it. The boss'll be there tonight and he doesn't like waiting."

"_Two days?"_ thought Spike, _"So where's the bleeding cavalry?"_

Gordy and Bill pushed Spike towards the door. He lost his balance and just stopped from falling by grabbing the door-frame.

"_Bloody kitten's stronger than me."_ thought Spike in frustration, his left leg hurting almost as much as when he first got out of hospital. He was still light headed from lack of blood, which was sort of ironic if you thought about it.

He staggered along the passageway so slowly that Bill lost his patience, grabbed Spike by one arm, and half-dragged, half-carried him the rest of the way.

They got outside by going up some steep steps and through a door at the side of a big stone built house, obviously centuries old but still in use. Spike tried to see as much as he could in case it gave him any clue as to where he was, but since it was pitch dark and he no longer had vampire vision he didn't really see much.

They came to a car and Gordy opened the trunk. In it there was a blanket, stained with blood. Spike correctly guessed this was how he'd arrived on Friday.

"I'm not……"he started, before a well aimed punch knocked him out and the vampires bundled him in and slammed the lid shut.

"We should just make it by dawn," said Bill, looking at his watch. Gordy drove off rapidly, wheels spinning on the gravel driveway.


	21. Chapter 21

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

"We've got something!" shouted Willow as she ran into the library, "It's not much but it's more than we had!"

Buffy leapt up.

"What is it?"

"We've had the seers and psychics, from as many of the covens we deal with as possible, searching for anything that might be connected with Spike."

"Yeah, Will, get to the point," said Buffy, knowing she was being rude but just anxious to hear what it was.

Willow took no notice of her tone. She knew her friend well enough not to take offence.

"The coven near Leicester got a reading. It was very weak but they're sure it was Spike.

"Is he….?" interrupted Buffy.

"Alive? They think so. It was pretty fleeting but they've managed to pinpoint where it originated and that was just outside an old manor house in the village of Ashby Folville. The impression was that a cloaking spell faltered a little and just gave them that glimpse."

"Just what we've been waiting for," said Buffy.

"Just one more thing, Buff. I'm sorry but the reading indicated that he was moving north away from there as it faded again."

"I don't care! It's more than we've had up to now! We may get something if we go there and see for ourselves. I can't take any more of this sitting and waiting crap."

"Look, Buffy it's the middle of the night," said Giles, "You've barely slept since he was taken. At least get a couple of hours sleep."

"There's no point, Giles. I can't rest not knowing what's happening to him and if the Immortal is behind it, it's only because of me that he's been taken," said Buffy. "I'm going, Giles, even if I go alone. Dawnie can look after Joy. She can do a better job than me at the moment."

Dawn had moved into Giles' apartment after the news about Spike and had happily stepped in to look after Joy as Buffy's despair just kept upsetting the baby. Dawn and Joy were the only two who'd gone to bed, the others researching the Immortal for clues where he might be.

"Least it proves he was in England, or was up to that point." said Willow. "No way you're going anywhere alone."

In the end it was agreed that Buffy and Willow should head off, leaving the men to research. Willow's skills as a witch could come in useful when they got to the manor.

They arrived at the house just as day was breaking. They'd called in to speak with the witch who'd gotten the reading and she was certain of the location. She was also certain that it was then on the move northwards and she was pretty sure that Spike was alive.

Buffy got out of the car almost before Willow stopped it. They didn't need to be cautious as the family who owned the house used it only in the summer months. It was now at the end of September and it had been empty for almost a month, which is probably why it had been used.

Willow tried to read the place psychically but everything just bounced back.

"That's some major mo-jo they've got going. I can't even get through when I'm right here!" said Willow.

"Come on, let's go take a look," said Buffy.

Willow was pleased they'd brought some weapons - the place looked decidedly creepy.

They walked up the gravel drive and soon came upon two bare patches where a car had sped off, kicking gravel from under its spinning wheels.

Willow touched the marks.

"He was definitely in this car, Buffy. This is where the cloak must have been weak - the transfer between house and car," said Willow, not adding that she got the distinct impression Spike was hurt.

"Look, there's a door." Buffy pointed to the small door nearby.

She tried to open it but it was locked so she kicked it down, slayer power coming in very handy. Willow pulled out a flashlight and the pair cautiously went down the steep stone steps even though they were pretty sure no one was still there.

At the bottom of the steps was a narrow corridor with a couple of thick wooden doors on either side. One was open. They stepped inside, noses wrinkling as the smell of vomit hit them.

"Oh God," said Buffy quietly as she saw the chains hanging on the wall. A pool of vomit lay slightly to one side of the chains and as Buffy went to have a closer look she saw a few drops of blood on the stone floor.

"Oh, Spike! Where have they taken you?"

ooooooooooooo

At almost exactly the same time the vampire pulled their car into a garage that was attached to another big country house, this one much further north in the Yorkshire village of Ganthorpe.

"That was cutting it a bit too close for comfort," said Bill as he got out of the car.

Even with the tinted windows they'd have been in trouble if they'd been much longer. Gordy went round to the trunk, but Bill called for him to leave Spike where he was for now and to check that everything was ready.

Spike was feeling decidedly unwell after being flung about all over the place for the past hour or so after leaving the relative smoothness of the motorway and going too fast on the twisty hilly roads leading to the village. He groaned when he heard the exchange. He punched the lid of the trunk in frustration.

He didn't have too long to wait.

"Christ, you stink!" said Gordy as he hauled Spike out of the car.

"Yeah, well, last place didn't offer much in the way of washing facilities. Hope this one's better," said Spike.

He was rewarded with a hefty push from Bill.

"Shut up! I've told you before about trying to be funny," said Bill.

"Oh, I'm sure you're going to like this place a whole lot better," said Gordy with a grin that made Spike's blood run cold.

They went from the garage through corridors of what must have once been servants' quarters until they came to another door. This one looked brand new and Spike didn't think this could be a good thing. The door opened to reveal steps going down into darkness for what seemed like forever.

"What is it with you guys and holes in the ground?" Spike couldn't resist, "Just so bleeding predictable."

Gordy shoved him hard, and he fell down the stairs that mercifully didn't go on forever but stopped after about ten feet. Spike grunted as he hit the wall at the bottom. A flick of a switch and the whole area was bathed in light. Before he could get up Gordy grabbed him by the back of his shirt and dragged him along the ground. He flung him onto an area that was lined with white tiles - both floor and walls, the space being about six feet square.

"Get undressed," ordered Bill.

"What? If you think I'm…….." his words ending in a splutter as Gordy aimed a powerful hose at him. The water was freezing cold and under enough pressure to push him back against the wall, struggling to stay standing.

When it was turned off Bill once again said,

"Get undressed."

Spike reluctantly did so. As soon as he was naked Gordy unleashed the water again making sure he was thoroughly soaked all over. The water was turned off and Spike stood there shivering, feeling totally pathetic and not a little afraid of his future.

"Put these on." Bill threw a pair of shorts at him.

Spike caught them and put them on gratefully even though they were soaking wet, leaning against the wall when putting his right leg through them as he was sure his leg wouldn't take all his weight.

"This way," Bill ordered, inclining his head to show he wanted him to go to the left. There wasn't much, or rather anything, Spike could do but follow Bill with Gordy walking close behind, unable to resist giving Spike a push every now and then.

Another door opened to reveal a cavernous room, the sight of which made Spike stop dead. Gordy walked into him.

"_Oh fuck, I'm so not gonna come out of here."_

Bill looked back at him obviously delighted at the effect the room was having on Spike.

"Welcome to the Hotel of Pain," he said, waving his hand. "I really hope you don't enjoy your stay!"

Behind Spike Gordy sniggered then pushed him into the room.

"Just like to point out a few features the boss had fitted," said Gordy, "No windows so we can work all night and all day if need be. The walls are soundproofed just in case although the nearest neighbours are a mile away."

It wasn't the walls or the lack of windows that had Spike's attention, it was the stuff hung on the walls and the apparatus sitting in the middle of the room. It looked like a 21st century torture chamber and that was exactly what it was.

"The rest of the stuff you'll probably get to know intimately if the boss lets you live long enough," continued Gordy.

He pushed Spike sharply in his back.

"Oh and here's your suite, sir. Don't drink all the mini bar at once," Gordy laughed at his own joke as he opened the door to what looked like a large box.

Spike was thrust inside and the door slammed shut. Gordy opened a hatch on the door and winked at Spike before closing it and leaving Spike to try to look at his surroundings, but it was impossible as he was in total darkness.

The ceiling was so low he couldn't stand erect and he could easily touch the walls in all directions without moving. He guessed it must be about three feet square and about four and a half feet high. It made the room at the last place seem like a posh hotel. The walls and floor were sandpaper rough. The only other thing in the room was a little wooden hatch in one back corner, its use when he lifted it tentatively becoming obvious from the stench it emitted.

The reason for his drenching became apparent. The room was as cold as a refrigerator. He shivered violently as his body temperature began to drop.

"_Well, least I've got a loo._ _Yay! Bonus!"_

He let himself slide down the wall, not heeding the grazes being made on his back. He hugged his knees to his chest, thoughts drifting towards the acceptance that he'd never see Buffy or Joy again.

Ooooooooooooo

Buffy and Willow got back in the car, neither knowing what to say or do.

"If it's the Immortal he always has vamps as his henchmen," said Buffy, "so they'd have had to get to wherever they were taking him to before dawn. So if we take their travel time from when Clarissa got the reading and add the fact they were heading north, that's narrowing down the search area a bit."

"Yes, but how do we know how far north they went? It could have been a mile or two hundred, we just don't know," said Willow dispiritedly.

"Well, I vote we go north and perhaps stay up there in case. There's no point in going back to London. I'm not going back until I can take Joy to her father," said Buffy, turning on the engine and pointing the car northwards.

They decided to travel to a place called Sherburn in Elmet just inside the county of North Yorkshire. A particularly powerful seer was attached to the coven there so it seemed a logical place to stop.

to be continued...


	22. Chapter 22

THE FALL OF THE NIGHT

By Mabel Marsters

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO 

Hour after hour Spike sat in that cell, his left leg giving him a lot of pain as there was barely enough room to straighten it no matter how he sat. He'd no idea how long it had been but suddenly the bolt on the door was opened, he hadn't heard anyone approach so presumed this place was soundproofed too. Bright light flooded in, hurting his eyes, he shut them tight, wincing in pain.

A hand reached in, grabbed his arm and pulled him outside. He stood hunched and shivering, too stiff and cold to be able to stand up properly.

"Well Spike, it's been quite a while." The voice was cultured and held a trace of an accent. Its effect on Spike was dramatic, he straightened up sharply and looked at the source of the voice. Surely it couldn't be…….?

"The Immortal." he said under his breath.

"So nice you haven't forgotten me."

He smiled the smile that had made countless women weak at the knees. It made Spike weak at the knees too but not for the same reason.

"Yeah, you're the kinda fella that leaves an impression alright." said Spike, "Should've known it was you going to these lengths, always was a bloody drama queen."

Bill stepped forward to hit Spike.

"No Bill, don't worry, he's always been disrespectful, why would being human change that?" said The Immortal, "How did a grubby little vampire like you manage that? Why would you want to?"

Spike said nothing, just stared at his nemesis, in all the run ins they'd had over the years when he was a vampire, never once had he bested The Immortal. His chances of winning as a human…..?

He didn't see the punch coming but he sure as hell felt it, the blow to his kidneys brought him to his knees.

"Answer the boss when he asks you a question." growled Gordy.

"Thought it was rhetorical mate, thought he'd know already." gasped Spike struggling to stand up.

"Oh but I do know Spike or do you prefer William again now you're back to being a nancy boy?" laughed the Immortal, "You did it for a girl, for my girl."

Spike lunged at him knowing it was futile but doing it anyway. The two vampires grabbed him and pulled him back. A well aimed kick from The Immortal put him back on the ground.

"My girl." he repeated.

Before he could get up Bill and Gordy took hold of Spike, one on each arm. They dragged him face down along the floor, his struggles making no difference to their progress. When they got him to the wall they lifted him up and fastened him in the shackles that were already hanging there. Soon Spike was suspended, feet just touching the floor, arms painfully outstretched.

The Immortal stood before him.

"Right then Spike. Where is Buffy?" he asked.

Silence.

"Where is Buffy?" he repeated.

Again, silence.

"Oh good I did wonder if now you're human you'd deny me my fun. You're so pitiful I can't believe you're going to be strong enough not to talk." The Immortal goaded.

Spike said nothing just looked at The Immortal with as much defiance he could muster.

At a nod from The Immortal, Gordy punched Spike hard in the stomach. Spike jerked in his restraints but gritted his teeth and scarcely a groan was heard.

"Most impressive." sneered The Immortal.

Again Gordy moved to Spike this time he kicked his left leg, once again finding the exact spot of his old injury.

The pain took Spike's breath away, his head lolled forwards.

"Come on Spike. You can end all this you know. Where's Buffy? I don't want to hurt you. Well not until she's here to see it."

"Go………to………hell" said Spike.

"Oh I think you'll be there sooner than me. Do you know what I had to put up with? Buffy continually talking about you, Spike this, Spike that! You! A mere vampire, she spurned me and for what? A bloody ghost!! She didn't know you lived and still she left!" The Immortal's voice rising, " She won't leave me again! Once she sets foot in this house she'll be trapped. She won't be able to leave and when she sees how pathetic you are compared to me she'll be happy to stay! A champion! She said you were a champion! I'll show her that you're no champion."

"Is that how you've got to get girls these days? Spells?" said Spike.

He braced himself for the inevitable blow, this time it came from The Immortal himself, a vicious punch to the face. Spike lost consciousness. A bucket of cold water thrown at his face brought him round.

"You will tell me where she is!" screamed The Immortal

Spike lifted his head, lips split, nose bleeding profusely and looked at The Immortal. He spat out a mouthful of blood.

"Sorry to disappoint mate, but you won't get her from me. I'll never tell." he said with as much strength as he had.

"Oh I will get her Spike, so why don't you just make life easy for yourself? You could just stay in your cosy little cell until she gets here. Why put yourself through more pain?"

"Piss off." said Spike.

Another punch from Gordy. A grunt from Spike.

"I will hear you scream." said The Immortal coldly, "Take him back."

The two vampires untied him and dragged him back to the tiny icy cold cell. They threw him in so hard that he hit the back wall before falling to the ground. The door slammed shut. Spike curled up in the foetal position.

"That was a right barrel o' laughs." he muttered.

Ooooooooooo

Later the door opened again, again the light stung his eyes and again he was dragged outside. This time they took him to one of the pieces of apparatus in the middle of the room. A chair. He struggled as hard as he could to prevent them from strapping him in but to no avail. One punch from Gordy to his stomach and they had him securely fastened in before he got his breath back.

He was tied in so that moving his fingers, toes and eyes was all he could do. His head strapped into a brace connected to the back of the chair.

"Well since you won't tell me what I want to hear Spike we'll just have to go in and get it ourselves." sneered The Immortal.

He stepped back to reveal a wizened old man holding a small box.

"Buffy told me how a Prokaryote Stone was used on you to try to deactivate the trigger The First planted in your head. Oh yes I had to listen to it all!"

Spike looked at the box.

"You do right to worry young William." mocked The Immortal, obviously enjoying himself, "This is a Eukaryote Stone, a cousin if you like to the other, but instead of gently releasing images in your subconscious and helping you remember, this thing tunnels through your mind and literally eats the answers we seek sending them back to the host, our Mr Parker here. If you resist the pain will be unendurable and the damage to your memory permanent. It'll be like those memories never existed in the first place so I'll give you one more chance. Where is Buffy?"

Spike said nothing.

"Just one more thing," said The Immortal, "This isn't quite as gentle as the Prokaryote, as it enters via the optic nerve and when it exits….well if you haven't given it all it wants, it can be a bit vindictive. So I'd try not to resist it dear William otherwise it'll hurt even more than it need to."

Mr Parker stepped forward and opened the box to reveal a small black irregularly shaped stone, as he incanted a phrase the stone magically transformed in to a wriggling slug like creature.

Spike looked at it in horror as Mr Parker put the box up to his cheek, he felt it slither up his face to the corner of his right eye, then the pain was excrutiating, the last thing Spike saw was the laughing face of The Immortal as despite himself he screamed out then everything went black.

He could feel the creature speeding through his mind, he knew it'd found Buffy, it'd been too fast for him to resist, somehow he could hear it relate the details to Mr Parker although no words were said.

"Joy! God. No. He's not getting her."

Spike resisted and resisted. The creature tried to get past the wall Spike built in his mind around his memories, his knowledge of Joy, but it couldn't get through. Spike was rigid in the chair with the effort when it finally burst its way back out, searing away the connections to that part of Spike's memory. The wall was still securely standing but with no possible way to get to it now the creature had severed the pathway to it.

The stone fell with a rattle on to the ground. Spike went limp. Mr Parker reached for the stone and put it safely back in its box.

"The woman was in London at the Watcher's Council when Spike was taken by your men." said Mr Parker.

"No!" cried The Immortal, "I'll never get to her there."

"He knows she will come for him. He was certain of it. There was something he hid successfully from me though."

"What? About Buffy?"

"No." replied Mr Parker, "Connected somehow perhaps but not of her."

"Go again! I must know!" shouted The Immortal.

"No point. The Eukaryote killed the path to it. It's locked in there but neither he nor us can access it. It's lost. I steered it to the thoughts of Buffy and he couldn't protect them in time but when it went for the other memories he was prepared."

"No matter. She will come for him will she?" mused The Immortal asMr Parker left the room.

Bill and Gordy unstrapped the unconscious body of Spike and took him to a cell, this time a slightly larger one, not so cold. The Immortal didn't want Spike to die before Buffy got there.

To be continued………………..


	23. Chapter 23

CHAPTER TWENTY -THREE

Spike groaned and put his hands to his head that was throbbing fit to burst. He lay there awash with pain wondering where he was. He opened his eyes - nothing changed, the dark was absolute. Then he remembered; he was in the cell where the Immortal held him captive.

"_Hang on a minute. I'm laid flat out. It's not that room, it's bigger."_

He sat up quickly then wished he hadn't as the pain in his head intensified and he hadn't thought that possible. He gingerly stood up and was swaying as the door opened. He half shut his eyes ready for the usual glare of light but it didn't come.

"What…?"

"Oh man, the boss said you'd fucked up by resisting that slug," said Gordy.

"Why's it still dark?" asked Spike, confused.

"It's not dark, you stupid git! Light's blazing but maybe the fact your eyes are in such a mess explains it," Gordy sneered.

Spike put his hand up to his eye and winced in pain, a gentle touch feeling like a punch. His fingertips felt sticky. He put them to his lips and tasted them – blood.

"Crying blood, that' what you're doing," stated Gordy helpfully.

"Christ, I can't see," said Spike, quietly remembering that the Immortal had said the creature was vindictive if it didn't get what it wanted.

"Buffy?"

"Oh yeah, very helpful you were. We got all we wanted and you fucked your eyes up for nothing! Look at the state of you! Oh right, you can't!" laughed Gordy. "Never mind I'll leave the light on for you! Left some food near the door, think you can find it?"

Spike sat down as Gordy left. He had a vague feeling that he'd not given everything away.

He crawled towards where he thought the front of the cell was judging by where Gordy had been, reaching out with his hand. It touched the front wall and he was immediately hit by an electric shock. As he recoiled from it his hand knocked over the glass of water that was on the tray with the food. In frustration and anger he picked up the tray and threw it to where he thought the door was.

Ooooooooooooo

Buffy and Willow had driven further north to the ancient city of York, although nothing concrete had been found out several seers had felt that something was using dark forces in that area. The girls decided to go up there in case any progress was made so they'd be nearer.

They walked along the huge stone walls that surrounded the city. Buffy had just checked with Dawn to make sure Joy was okay and was pleased that her baby had settled down well and was doing better than Buffy, who was missing her like crazy.

Oooooooooooo

Spike soon regretted throwing his food away but when he tried to find it he was rewarded with another couple of shocks as he touched the walls so he gave up and sat still, not wanting to risk more. He tried not to sink into despair but it was hard. He tried to focus on his memories of Buffy but the Eukaryote had removed most of them as it passed them back to its host. All he was left with was the knowledge he loved her but the images of her were disjointed ones that made no sense, making it seem like she was someone he'd known long ago - just vague pictures.

The door clanged open. Spike heard the steps of the two vampires. They grabbed an arm each and dragged him out of the room. They made him walk in front of them, laughing as he bumped into something in his path. Rage bubbled in Spike. He knew it was futile but it gave him strength whereas before he'd felt only a pit of despair.

He reeled as his head hit something sticking out from the wall that he'd missed with his outstretched hands. He almost fell but was grabbed by Bill.

"Stop messing about and bring him over here!" shouted the Immortal.

The vampires got hold of him and took him to where the Immortal was waiting.

"My my!" said the Immortal, "That ole slug had a bit of fun with you, didn't it? Your baby blues look more like demon red. What will Buffy think of her pretty boy now?"

"Fuck off." said Spike simply because he didn't know what else he could say.

"Did I forget to mention what it could do? Oh sorry, that was most remiss of me," laughed the Immortal, "Right now, Spike, what you're going to do for me is send a little message to that red haired witch friend of Buffy's and get her to tell Buffy where you are and that you need rescuing. They've been trying all sorts of things to find you but their skills are like parlour tricks to my power."

"No."

"What was that?" asked the Immortal.

"No, I'll not do it. I'll not lead her into a trap." said Spike as firmly as he could. He knew he was as good as dead so no point in putting anyone else in danger.

The Immortal grabbed Spike's face, fingers digging into his cheeks on one side of his mouth, the thumb the other. Spike tried to pull back but his grip was too strong.

"Oh, you're going to, sweet William, of that I'm quite certain. You see, all I need is for you to make enough noise," he sneered. "It's such a shame you can't see this, it's a most beautiful antique."

He gestured to the two vampires and with that they lifted Spike up and put him face down on a table. His wrists and ankles were tied to bars at the top and bottom. When Gordy and Bill let go of him; he found that although fastened securely, there was enough slack for his to almost get on to his hands and knees. He tugged at the straps in vain hope but couldn't get free.

"The last occupant of this was somewhat shorter than you, Spike, but not to worry, we can soon sort that out." said the Immortal.

He nodded to Gordy who started to slowly turn a wheel that was attached half way down the table. With a creak the table started to extend.

"Such a shame you're human. This is one of my favourite ways of torturing vampires. Have to be much more careful that I don't break you by accident."

Spike suddenly knew what he was attached to. A Rack. He'd heard tales of vampires pulled on them 'til their joints dislocated leaving them crippled and in agony. But humans on these things died!

"Traditionally, of course, you should be on your back but since I've got another little trick up my sleeve I've had to improvise."

Gordy stopped turning the wheel when Spike was held so tightly he couldn't move at all. Spike groaned at the strain placed on his limbs, ligaments stretched almost to breaking point.

Spike heard footsteps approaching.

"Ah, Mr. Parker, perfect timing. We're ready for you. I hope you haven't forgotten another of your little pets?" said the Immortal, putting a hand on Spike's back. "Now Spike, this is an Apala spider. It's going to bury into your back and have a bit of a meal. It may do permanent damage; it may not. Who knows? Who cares? One thing it will do, Spikey boy - don't want to keep you in the dark as it were - it will hurt like hell and your screams will be the beacon that brings Buffy back to me."

Spike tried to move as he felt the creature crawl to the small of his back. Then……

"Arghhhhh!" Spike started to scream and found he couldn't stop.

Ooooooooooo

"Arghhhhh!" cried Willow, falling to her knees beside Buffy, hands clutching her head.

"Willow!" Buffy yelled, "What's……."

Willow put her hand up to make Buffy shut up. She needed to concentrate.

"_Spike? Is that you?"_ she sent the words out psychically, trying to follow where the scream in her head had come from.

"_Spike?"_

Then through the terrible screams she heard him.

"_No Red!...don't...come." _

It was so faint she barely heard the words. Then she was bombarded with a very clear vision of where Spike was, a big country house that wasn't far. The vision was so intense it drowned out any evidence of Spike.

She tried to reach him again but all she got was darkness and pain. Then it was over.

She looked up at Buffy.

"I know where he is!"

oooooooooooo

Spike felt the creature erupt from his back and crawl away until it was collected by Mr. Parker. He could barely catch his breath. Dying would be easier than this. He hoped he'd managed to reach Willow to warn them. He hoped they wouldn't come. He knew he was just bait in a trap for Buffy and couldn't bear to think of the Immortal getting his hands on her.

He cried out again as the Immortal pressed on the wound the creature had made.

"Thank you, Spike, just what was required. Knew I could rely on you," he said with a smirk, pressing even harder. "I never knew what she saw in you. Wonder what she'll think now. Some hero, huh?"

Spike didn't have the energy to respond, panicking that his legs felt numb. As the vampires started to untie him, Spike managed to speak.

"Kill me," he whispered, "Finish it."

The Immortal leaned closely, so close Spike could feel his breath on his ear.

"Kill you? Oh, I'll kill you alright but not just yet. I want to see the look on Buffy's face when she watches you die. Take him back," he ordered.

They carried Spike back to the cell and put him none too gently on the floor, his body touching the wall. As the door shut it completed the circuit and Spike got an electric shock. He managed to roll over and lay there exhausted.

Oooooooooo

"What? Where? How do you know?" shouted Buffy.

"Shh! Not so loud, Buff, head feels kinda mushy," said Willow, wincing slightly.

Buffy helped her get to her feet and they found somewhere to sit.

"It's a trap, Buffy," said Willow.

"How do you know? But it was Spike? He's alive?" asked Buffy.

"Yes, I heard Spike, but the way the location came in was odd. It was like when Spike connected with me it leapt on the signal and made sure I knew. It's hard to explain but it just felt set up. Like how come Spike reached me anyway? For days I've been trying and nothing, not so much as a glimmer, then all of a sudden I practically get a map to the location?" replied Willow.

"Spike?" asked Buffy, tears in her eyes.

"He's alive, Buffy but he's hurting. It was the level of pain I think that enabled him to get through to me. He was very faint but he did say one thing."

"What was it?"

You won't like it. He said 'don't come'."

"But….."

"He was in a lot of pain, Buffy. It must have taken an enormous effort to say the message but he meant it," said Willow sadly.

"I don't care if he meant it or not! No way is he staying there. I'm not leaving him to die again. Now where is it?" ordered Buffy.

"Look, Buffy, there's some major mo-jo going on there. We need Giles and Andrew's help. They could be here in three hours."

"Three hours!" wailed Buffy.

"If we're going in, there's no point trying to save Spike and ending up all of getting killed, is there?" said Willow firmly. "I need some supplies so I can have spells ready to use and they can bring more weapons. You know it makes sense."

Reluctanty Buffy agreed to wait.

Oooooooooooo

Spike lay there for about an hour in a crumpled heap, too weak and knackered by his ordeal to move. Gradually, though, he became aware that the numbness he'd felt in his legs was being replaced by pain. After all he'd been through he didn't think he'd welcome more pain but since this was accompanied by the ability to move his legs he delighted in it.

The worst pain was in his back where the creature had feasted but shooting pains were going down each leg. He tried to straighten them out, the pain in the small of his back nearly making him pass out. He managed to move them and then rolled onto his stomach. Another wave of pain hit him and this time he did pass out.

To be continued...


	24. Chapter 24

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

It took Giles and Andrew just over three hours to get to Buffy and Willow and then the gang took another 45 minutes to reach the outskirts of the village where the Immortal was holding Spike.

They were all now sitting in the back of the van discussing tactics and weapons. Buffy was pleased to see that amongst the various weapons Giles and Andrew had brought was the scythe she'd used in her defeat of Caleb and the First.

Andrew was recounting the results of his research on the Immortal - his weaknesses; apart from a tendency to grandstand and be vain, appeared to be none. Methods of killing him were equally vague and it had to be said that when someone like him lives over five hundred years, given that he does enjoy pissing people off, killing him must be difficult. General consensus was that cutting off his head would work, hence the scythe.

Willow and Giles had been working on various spells that might help. Giles agreed with Willow that it was obviously a trap so getting in would be easy. It was the getting out that they were worried about, so they were trying to find something that would leave a doorway open in whatever the Immortal had surrounding the house. Since he'd successfully cloaked it they had to presume he'd also have a barrier to prevent them from leaving.

Willow decided to see if she could get into Spike's mind again, hoping that as they were so close and that they had had contact, albeit briefly, she'd manage to get a link.

She sat quietly in the van turning her thoughts inwards, gently and delicately trying to establish a contact.

"_Spike? Can you hear me?"_ she asked.

Spike was laid on his stomach, only half awake. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice floating through his mind.

"_Spike. Concentrate. Can you hear me?"_ The voice came again.

"_Red?"_ his reply was faint but clear.

"_Yes, it's me. We're here and we need your help."_

"_Here?"_ Spike didn't know whether to be pleased or saddened by the fact they had taken the bait. _" But I'm……" _He baulked at saying he couldn't see_. "I can't…….fight."_

"_Don't need you to fight,"_ said Willow, _"Do you know how many there are?"_

"_Two big vamps, the Immortal and another guy with some scary mo-jo. Well, they're the only ones I've seen."_ He winced mentally as he said 'seen'.

"_Okay. If anything changes or you get in trouble just find me. It should be easy for you to do."_

Willow severed the link. Buffy looked at her expectantly.

"Well?"

"Only two vamps and one other guy plus the Immortal. But there's something I've got to tell you, Buffy. Spike didn't say but he's not used to mind linking and didn't realise I had access to all his thoughts. He's hurt; badly hurt. Oh, Buffy he's blind."

"Oh, God! No! Poor Spike, all because of me. This ends now. I'm going to finish the Immortal once and for all."

Andrew and Giles were aghast at the news and everyone agreed that the time had come to go in. They had to get Spike out before the Immortal killed him. Since he'd done his job by getting Buffy there, they'd have no further use for him.

Ooooooooooo

Spike sat up and tried to stand, struggling as he had nothing to hold on to. He made it after a lot of effort and stood there panting and swaying. He took a couple of steps. His legs felt strange somehow; a little slow to react when he moved. His left leg wasn't great but it held his weight.

"_Thank Christ for that,"_ he thought.

He wondered why he hadn't told Willow he couldn't see. That could put them all in danger if they were planning a quick getaway. But he just couldn't face the thought of Buffy knowing. In his Swiss cheese memories of her, she was so strong and he'd matched her, fighting by her side. What hope would he ever have of being with her now?

The door opened and he turned his head in the direction of the sound. Surely they couldn't already be here?

"Oh, damn!" said Gordy when he saw Spike was standing up. "I was hoping that crawly thing had done for your legs what the slug did to your eyes." Malice was evident in his voice.

"_Shit,"_ thought Spike, wondering what Gordy was going to do.

Without warning Gordy spun on one leg and kicked Spike viciously in his stomach. He went down like a stone, barely able to catch his breath, retching and coughing.

Gordy laughed. He went out of the cell for a second then returned.

"Here's your dinner," he said, slamming it on the floor, "Think you can find it? Enjoy it - it'll be your last one. Once the Slayer's here the boss has said I can have some fun with you. Lots of stuff out there for me to use" he sneered as he left.

"You're dust. One way or another you're dust, you git," said Spike, hating being at his mercy.

He crawled along until he came to the tray. Carefully he found the cup of water, making sure he didn't spill it. He was desperately thirsty but sipped it cautiously, wondering if anything had been put in it. It tasted okay so he decided to risk it. The food turned out to be a couple of pieces of half stale bread.

"Oh, yeah. Five star place this," he said as he chewed on a piece. He couldn't remember the last time he had a proper meal.

Ooooooooooooo

The gang stood in the shadows looking at the house they were about to enter. It had been decided that Willow and Andrew would find Spike with Andrew leading him to safety, Willow then backing up Giles and Buffy against the Immortal. She'd be able to find Spike by psychically linking with him again, finding Buffy and Giles the same way.

All were well armed, Buffy having her trusty scythe and the others having both a wooden stake and either a sword or axe.

"Okay guys, here goes," said Buffy. She looked at Andrew, "Just make sure you get Spike out, okay? I need him safe."

Andrew nodded, terrified at the prospect of the fight ahead but willing to do anything for Spike.

With that they walked across the lawn, Buffy and Giles heading to the front of the house, Willow and Andrew the back.

At precisely the same time Willow and Giles cast a spell forcing entrances to appear in the protective barrier around the house. They stepped inside.

"_Spike! Talk to me so I can get a fix on where you are,"_ Willow called out in his mind.

"_Careful, Red, one's just left me. You might meet him."_

If Willow was here Buffy must be too. God, let them be okay. He knew he couldn't survive if Buffy died. He sat on the floor hugging his knees trying to listen for any clue as to what was happening, knowing it was futile as the cell was totally soundproofed.

Willow and Andrew ran along a passageway, weapons at the ready, but so far they'd seen no one. Willow concentrated so she could guide them to Spike. They came around a corner and saw a new looking door. They stopped, looked at each other, took deep breaths and opened it. It revealed a staircase. Cautiously they went down. They passed an area with a tiled floor and walls with white tiles. A high pressure hose hung to one side of it. They walked past it silently. Another door was in front of them and again stealthily they opened it. As they saw inside the room Andrew gave a gasp of alarm.

"Shh!" warned Willow, although she too was totally freaked out at the sight of all the instruments and devices. On one side were various sized cubicles. Spike was in one of them.

"Come on," she whispered to Andrew.

"_Spike, we're here,"_ she said in her mind.

"_You made it!"_ said Spike, his answer guiding her to the middle of the strange cubicles.

He had just managed to get to his feet as they opened the door. As it swung open they caught sight of Spike. If he could have seen their faces he wouldn't have been able to mistake their looks as anything but horror. They couldn't believe what they were seeing. He was barely recognisable, skin covered in cuts and bruises. Blood from the wound on his back had run down his sides and legs. But his face - his eyes. The right eye was the worst, heavily swollen and bloody. What bit of eye you could see was red where it should be white, lines of dried blood where stained tears had ran down his cheeks. The left was less swollen but still horribly bloodshot. He stood there swaying slightly.

"Spike!" exclaimed Willow.

"Thank God! It is you. Thought when you didn't say anything it was one of the vamps," he said in relief.

"Come on," said Andrew, "Let's get you out of here."

"Good plan but………..er…….bit of a problem…." started Spike, unaware of quite how bad his eyes looked and not realising that even if Willow hadn't read his thoughts they would have known he couldn't see.

"We know," said Willow, "Let Andrew take your arm and let's go."

Andrew stepped over to Spike, put his axe down and took hold of his left arm, knowing he'd need more help on that side because of his leg. Spike leant on him gratefully and they walked out of the cell.

"Okay, Andrew. Make sure you get to the van. Buffy's counting on you," said Willow.

"Buffy?" said Spike.

"Not now, no time. Just get out of here!" ordered Willow.

She helped Andrew get Spike up the steps then left them to go down the passageway to get out. She then headed off up another flight of stairs to where she could sense Buffy and Giles were.

Ooooooooooooo

Buffy and Giles went up to the front door of the house and entered. A long twisting staircase was before them. They started to climb, Buffy a couple of steps ahead of Giles, her senses working overtime as she crept upwards.

Just as she got to the top a vampire appeared out of a door. He was huge, with black hair in pony-tail. Buffy leapt into action.

He started when he saw them.

"How did you get in unnoticed?" said Bill in surprise. That wasn't part of the plan.

"Why have you got such dorky hair?" asked Buffy as she turned the scythe in her hands and jabbed the pointed wooden handle into the vampire's chest with lightening speed.

He exploded into dust.

"One down," she said to Giles.

She opened the door Bill had just come out of and stepped boldly inside. The sight that greeted her stopped her in her tracks. The room was beautifully furnished, tastefully decorated and typical of an English country house. There, sitting in an armchair near the fireplace and looking every inch the English country squire that he wasn't, was the Immortal.

He looked at Buffy and Giles as they walked in.

"Well Buffy, how nice of you to stop by, but a little rude not to ring the doorbell, perhaps. And look, you've brought what, your grandfather along too? So sweet."

"Why you…….." started Giles.

Buffy put a hand on Giles to restrain him. She looked at the person before her and wondered how she'd ever gotten involved with him in the first place. She supposed that in her grief at losing Spike she hadn't been very rational. Now there he sat having done God knows what to Spike. Anger was burning inside her.

"You made sure that I came. Here I am. What do you want?" she asked coldly.

"You, of course. No woman spurns me! You're not leaving here again. You're staying with me. How do you like the place? Had it built 300 years ago. It's got some special features, as that worthless creature Spike has been finding out," he sneered.

At the mention of Spike Buffy stepped forward.

"Shut up! You're not fit to speak his name!" she yelled.

"Don't worry, soon the only use there'll be for his name is it being written on his grave stone. Gordy should be preparing him for your visit by now."

"Big vamp, black hair?" she asked, "He's dust."

"Oh dear, poor old Bill. But no, darling, that wasn't Gordy."

Buffy and Giles exchanged glances, worried for the others.

"Enough talk," said Buffy, going towards the Immortal with her scythe raised in attack.

The Immortal waved a hand casually in her direction and she was flung backwards crashing against the wall.

From the corner of his eye Giles saw a movement. It was a wizened man moving with astonishing speed for one so frail looking. Giles turned, sword at the ready. He got almost to the man when suddenly he couldn't move, feet seemingly glued to the floor. The man grinned at Giles' struggles and approached him, digging into his pocket and pulling out a box. He opened it.

"Let me introduce you to the Mortensy Beetle," he said.

"I know what it is," said Giles, looking at it in horror.

"So you know what happens once it burrows its way into you?" said Mr. Parker.

"It takes the shortest route to the brain and starts chomping. The end result is agonising death," said Giles, mouth dry.

"Nice to meet someone who's done their homework." He took another step closer, one more and the creature would be on Giles.

A flash of light exploded into the room, blowing Mr. Parker backwards. Giles feet were freed and he stamped on the beetle as it scurried along the floor.

"Good timing, Willow," he said.

Buffy got up from where she had fallen and went for the Immortal again, once more unable to get near him.

"Willow, help Buffy!" shouted Giles as sword raised he attacked Mr. Parker.

Willow turned to the Immortal. She had to get rid of the barrier around him. Light dancing from her fingers, muttering the incantation under her breath, she hit him with all she had. There was a crash and the energy field dispersed. The Immortal leapt up from his chair, not looking quite so confident.

"You!" he glared at Willow, "Your power……"

"Yeah, I've got a whole heap of power. Want some more?"

She raised her hand again and sparks flew as she knocked him off his feet. The roots of her hair started turning black. Buffy, running over, threw the scythe at him. He dodged it and it embedded itself in the wall. She kicked him as hard as she could and he hit the wall next to the scythe.

Willow looked across to Giles. He was on his back with Mr. Parker trying to prise the sword from his grip. She unleashed her power and he flew off Giles, who took advantage and ran him through with his sword before cutting off his head just to be safe.

The Immortal grabbed hold of Buffy by the throat, raising her off her feet and choking her.

"You think you and your pet witch can defeat me?"

He pointed his hand to where Willow and Giles were, but Willow was too quick for him and deflected his bolt of energy away from them. A hole burned through the floor where it landed.

Buffy struggled, kicking her feet and reaching out desperately for her scythe. Willow, seeing what was happening, magicked the weapon into Buffy's hand.

The Immortal flung Buffy away from him when he saw she'd gotten her weapon but not before Buffy had cut his arm, blood rushing from the deep incision on his biceps. She took a deep breath and swung the scythe with all her might. It missed. The Immortal had teleported himself to the other side of the room.

"_Shit!"_ thought Buffy, _"If he teleports out of here we'll never be safe from him."_

But the field he'd prepared to keep Buffy in was his undoing. As he frantically recited the disarming spell, Buffy approached him once more. She swung the weapon at his torso, purposely avoiding a killing blow. He screamed in agony as his abdomen was ripped open.

"That one's for Spike," she said quietly, "This one's for me." and with that she swung again, the scythe cutting off his head as easily as a knife cuts butter.

The body of the Immortal rapidly aged, time finally catching up with him before it exploded into dust. Buffy stood there panting and holding her throat where he'd bruised it.

"Spike," she said.

to be continued...


	25. Chapter 25

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Andrew and Spike were almost at the door to the outside. Spike was so weakened by what he'd been through that he was leaning more and more heavily on Andrew, their progress getting slower.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" a voice growled behind them.

Spike's blood ran cold. Gordy.

The pair turned around and Andrew saw Gordy approaching, vampire face showing. He looked huge. He looked invincible. Spike could feel Andrew shaking beside him - he'd never been much for fieldwork. Andrew was struggling to get his stake out of his pocket, realising he'd left the axe behind. Spike knew Andrew was not capable of beating the vampire. He knew what he had to do.

"Andrew, run! Just go!" said Spike, taking three steps forward and standing in front of him, not wanting Andrew to be killed because of him.

Gordy laughed.

"Look at you! Still playing hero? What do you think you, a useless, blind, weak, lame human, can do to me? How could you turn your back on being a vampire to become what you are now?"

Spike said nothing. He was thinking roughly the same thing but hoped he'd buy Andrew enough time to get out.

Gordy grabbed at Spike, catching him on his arm. Spike lashed out instinctively and hit Gordy with all his might in the face. The vampire barely flinched, just swung his other arm and punched Spike in the stomach, landing another blow to the back of Spike's neck as he fell. Once he was on the floor Gordy kicked Spike, who flew backwards into the wall, laying there winded.

"No!" Andrew screamed and flung himself at Gordy who just swatted him away as if he were a fly. The stake fell from his hand as he was hurled backwards.

"_So this is it,"_ thought Spike, _"This is how I finally die."_

He could hear Gordy approaching.

"_Damned if I'm going out lying down."_

He put his hands out to push himself up and his left hand touched something. His fingers wrapped around it and he stopped trying to get up.

Gordy got hold of Spike by the back of his neck and started to lift him off the floor. Spike twisted in his grip and swung his left arm as hard as he could at the vampire's chest. The wooden stake pierced Gordy's heart. Spike fell to the floor as the vampire turned to dust.

"Told you you'd be dust, you bastard," gasped Spike, satisfied that he'd managed to kill one of his torturers.

"Andrew? Are you okay? Where are you, mate?" asked Spike.

"I'm…….I'm here," said Andrew, "You saved my life, Spike. I would never have beaten him."

"Just got lucky," he replied ironically. _"Yeah, real lucky - blinded, bashed but alive." _

Andrew helped Spike get up and took him out of the door across the lawn and back to where the van was parked, having to practically carry Spike by the time they got there. He opened the doors and helped Spike to a seat, wrapping him in a blanket. He went back out to look for the others.

Ooooooooooooo

Buffy, Willow and Giles left the house through the front door. Buffy felt exhausted - she hadn't trained since she'd had Joy and boy, could she feel it now.

"Willow, you were amazing," she said, "Without you no way would we have won." She was pleased to see her friend's roots were back to their normal colour.

"Yes," agreed Giles, "I wouldn't want to be fighting against you."

"We're a team; we all need each other," said Willow modestly.

"There's one more thing you can do for me, Will," said Buffy.

"What's that? Aren't we done?" asked Willow

"Burn it. Burn this terrible place down," said Buffy, knowing, from Willow checking psychically, that Andrew and Spike were out of it.

"Okay." Willow paused to look back at the house then started a phrase in Latin, hands outstretched. As she stumbled over the words she said,

"I suck at Latin! Burn! Burn! From the floorboards to the rafters let nothing in this house be more than ashes!"

Flames suddenly leapt out from the windows, swiftly taking hold. The three of them hurried towards the van.

Oooooooooo

"My God!" exclaimed Andrew.

"What is it?" asked Spike.

"The house just burst into flames!"

"The others?" Spike asked urgently, terrified they were still in it.

Andrew hesitated to answer. He scanned the shadows, then he saw them running towards him.

"They're okay, they're here!" he cried.

Spike slumped with relief - he hadn't gotten anyone killed.

"Andrew, start the van! It's time to leave!" called Giles as they got close.

Andrew ran round and got in the cab, ignition firing just as the others climbed in the back and slammed the door shut.

Buffy had to bite her lip to stop from crying out when she saw Spike.

"_What have they done to you? My poor, beautiful man."_

He was sitting in a seat that had him facing the side of the van. He hadn't turned as they'd gotten in. He kept his face forward, but Buffy could see the damage around his right eye. She went to sit in the seat opposite.

"Spike," she said, taking his hands in hers, "I thought I'd lost you."

When he realised she was sitting in front of him he put his head down, knowing from Willow and Andrew's silence when they first saw him that he must be in a real mess. He didn't want her to look into his sightless eyes.

Buffy leant forward and hugged him. He could feel her tears falling hotly on his neck, but couldn't speak. He didn't know what to say. He stiffened slightly, and didn't reciprocate by putting his arms around her.

Giles gently put a hand on Buffy's shoulder. The expression he had when she looked at him told her all she needed to know - back off, just cool it, he can't cope with it just now. She nodded at Giles as if he'd spoken the words and sat back in her seat, holding Spike's hands for a moment then letting go.

"Joy will be pleased to get you home, she's missed you," said Buffy.

Spike raised his head and spoke for the first time.

"Who's Joy?"

Buffy felt her heart would break.

"Don't worry about that now, Spike," said Giles quickly. He had Buffy swap seats with him. Willow put her arms around her friend when she sat in Giles' seat, comforting her as best she could, but unable to stop her from sobbing.

Spike sat there bewildered, wondering what he'd said wrong.

Ooooooo

It was a quiet journey home, barely a word spoken in the back of the van. Giles had taken advantage of a stop for fuel to contact Dawn and tell her of their return. He warned her of the state Spike was in and how he seemed unaware of Joy's existence. It was agreed that until he'd had a chance to talk things through with Spike that little Joy be kept out of the way.

Buffy had followed Giles out of the van.

"Why did he react like that, Giles? Why didn't he hug me back?" Tears started to fall once more.

"He's a proud man, Buffy, and God knows what he's been through this past week. If you smother him now he'll end up hating himself and pushing you further away. You'll have to let him come to you in his own time. Be strong, Buffy. He loves you, I'm sure of that."

For the rest of the journey Buffy sat in the cab of the van, she wasn't able to face sitting so close to Spike and not be allowed to comfort him.

Spike was grateful for it. Her tears had upset him but he just didn't have the words to say to her. He hurt just about everywhere. He tried to eat some of the sandwiches they'd bought in the service station but after only a couple of mouthfuls he'd vomited them back up, so just had a few small sips of water. The seat seemed to put pressure exactly where the wound on his back was. The pain was so intense he had to force himself not to cry out.

Willow gently probed Spike's mind, expertly making sure he was unaware of it. His memories of Buffy were a jumbled mess. Large parts were missing, all the recent ones gone. She hunted for Joy but found nothing at all. She pulled out of his mind worried by what she'd discovered. What on earth had they done to him?

Ooooooooooooo

When they got back Dawn was waiting on the steps to greet them as soon as they pulled up. Forewarned of Spike's appearance she was nonetheless shocked by it.

At Giles' request she'd prepared a room on the ground floor for Spike. It was occasionally used for visitors on Council business if Giles didn't have a room free in his apartment. It was a large room with an en suite shower and toilet, a double bed at one end and a sofa and a couple of comfy chairs at the other, with a coffee table and TV on a stand. As Giles had suggested she'd removed anything not essential, such as ornaments and so on. She'd laid a track suit and a pair of Andrew's pyjamas on a chair near the bed, put fluffy towels in the en suite and also left out the Council's very comprehensive first aid kit.

Giles helped Spike out of the van, Spike leaning heavily on him then tripping on the first step up.

"Welcome home, Spike," said Dawn and she kissed him gently on his cheek.

"Niblet," muttered Spike in reply, using his nickname from when she was a kid.

Willow, arms around Buffy, waited until Spike was in the building before they followed, Andrew then driving the van to the garage.

Ooooooooooooo

Dawn, Buffy, Willow and Andrew all sat in the library on the top floor waiting for Giles to come up after tending to Spike. Buffy held their baby in her arms. She cried softly as Andrew told how Spike tried to get him to run when they were attacked by the vampire, and how he'd saved their lives by staking it.

"_So typical of Spike, once a fighter always a fighter,"_ Buffy thought.

"God, how much longer will he be?" she said to the others, anxious of news of how Spike was.

"He'll be up as soon as he can," soothed Willow.

Oooooooooooo

Giles helped Spike into the room and led him over to the shower cubicle.

"Think we'd better start in here, Spike. Let's get these wounds cleaned up a bit."

He took the blanket from around Spike's shoulders and got his first proper look at the wound on Spike's back. It was about four inches in diameter, a deep gaping hole with ragged edges. It was still oozing blood from the journey home. Looking at it Giles couldn't believe Spike had managed to sit with it against the back of the seat for so long.

"Do you think you can tolerate a shower? It'll be the best way to clean all the small wounds and I then can do more to your back and eyes once we've got you warm and dry."

The room wasn't cold but Spike was shivering uncontrollably, from onset of infection or shock or both.

Spike just nodded.

Giles pulled the showerhead out of its mount so he could check the temperature before he put it back up, and see that it was positioned correctly for Spike.

Spike stood sideways to Giles, his back towards the stream of water, palms of his hands against the glass. He grunted as the water first touched him. Giles got him to turn around so his front was rinsed clean. He told Spike he'd better get the shorts off and, seeing Spike struggle to bend to remove them, he quickly took the scissors and cut them off. He wrapped a huge towel round Spike and helped him out of the cubicle and to the bed.

"Right, Spike, I need dress this wound. Can you lie face down on the bed for me."

Another slight nod in reply.

He helped him onto the bed and opened the first aid kit. He swabbed the wounds with antiseptic as gently as possible but could tell from the way Spike tensed and groaned that it still hurt immensely. Finally he packed it with antibiotics and bandaged it.

"I need you to sit up now so I can do your eyes. Can you manage it?"

Spike wordlessly pushed himself up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed so he was sitting facing Giles.

"Christ, what a mess." thought Giles, wondering what had caused this damage.

Both eyes themselves looked unscathed apart from the fact that they were bloodshot to the extent you couldn't tell they should be blue. The right had massive swelling in the lids and outside corner, making it only able to open a small slit. Around both eyes the skin was black and blue.

Giles got some sterile eyewash from the first aid kit and started to clean up the blood and matter from his left eye first, the pain making Spike wince at even the slightest touch.

"Giles," he said suddenly, "I think I'm gonna……." and with that he was sick. Fortunately for Giles all he brought up was a bit of bile but he retched several times before it passed.

"Sorry," muttered Spike.

"No matter," said Giles, "Just this right eye and then you're done."

"No, Giles," said Spike, "No more."

"But it's got to be cleaned. It's going to get infected."

"So?" said Spike.

"What do you mean?" asked Giles.

"What difference does it make if it does? It's no use to me anyway." said Spike with such utter defeat in his voice Giles was glad that Buffy wasn't there to hear it.

"You can stop talking like that," said Giles firmly, "It's got to be done. I'll give you a painkiller first then you'll be okay."

Before Spike could reply Giles quickly injected him, not with a painkiller, but with a fast acting sedative, figuring that sleep was the best option.

"Ow!" said Spike.

Moments later he drifted off as the drug took hold. Giles turned his attention to the eye, cleaning it thoroughly, and then gave Spike an injection of both antibiotics and a painkiller. He dressed him in the pyjamas and covered him with the blankets. Spike would be asleep for a few hours so Giles went up to see the others. Then he'd come back down so Spike didn't wake alone.

Oooooooooo

Dawn had put Joy to bed by the time Giles joined them. Buffy jumped to her feet when she saw Giles walk into the room.

"How is he? Did he say anything?"

"He's in pretty bad shape physically but I'm worried about him mentally. I'm not sure how he'll cope. We'll know more tomorrow. The wounds are clean now. I'll see if he's able to talk when he wakes up. I gave him a sedative before I cleaned his right eye - it was just too painful for me to touch. If he can't hold anything down tomorrow we'll have to get a Council doctor in to set up a drip. He's desperately dehydrated but I didn't want anyone he didn't know messing with him tonight," said Giles, "Willow, can you phone Xander and put him in the picture? Tell him Helen's safe and he can leave LA when he likes."

Oooooooooooo

Xander put down the phone and turned to Helen who stood watching him anxiously.

"It's over, Helen. The Immortal is dead and the vampires who attacked you are dust," he said.

"Oh, thank God!" said Helen. "Is everyone ok? Spike?"

"Everyone's safe, they're back in London. Spike's been hurt but he's alive."

"No! It's all my fault. What did they do to him?" Helen was distraught.

"Look, Helen, the Immortal would have found Spike anyway with or without you. You can't carry on blaming yourself," said Xander.

"How badly is he hurt?" she insisted.

"They'll know more when he wakes up. Giles gave him a shot to knock him out for a bit. He's been bashed about, has a wound on his back from something, we're not sure what, and his face looks like it's taken a battering too, according to Giles. Hopefully things might change when the swelling goes down but he's …..blind."

Helen just stood there staring at Xander not knowing what to say as the one-eyed man told of another's blindness. It was just too much and she burst into tears!

Xander crossed the room to her and held her close, wondering how come Spike stole all the girls' hearts. He'd be sorry to leave Helen but his babysitting gig was over.

"Shh, don't cry," said Xander pointlessly. He took her over to the sofa. "Giles said he'd call again once he's been able to speak to Spike." He sat with his arm around her trying to comfort her.

to be continued...


	26. Chapter 26

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Giles had been sitting next to Spike's bed for about an hour before he started to stir, moving restlessly on the bed. He groaned a few times then opened his eyes. The darkness didn't alter, and he sat up disorientated, feeling the soft bed and blankets.

"Spike? It's okay - you're safe," Giles said the words softly but Spike still jumped as he spoke.

"What? Oh. Yeah. Giles. Right," said Spike in a bit of a muddle.

"Can I get you anything?" asked Giles.

"Um…er……a drink…..please."

Giles poured half a glass of water from the bottle he had ready by the bedside.

"Here," he said, putting it carefully into Spike's outstretched hand. "Don't drink it too fast otherwise you may be sick," cautioned Giles.

"Sorry about before," said Spike, remembering.

"Forget it," said Giles.

Spike sipped the water slowly, mercifully holding it down. He went to put the glass down then realised he didn't know where. He resisted the urge to throw it away.

"Here, let me," said Giles, accurately guessing at Spike's thoughts.

"Are you up to talking?"

"Yeah, I think so," replied Spike.

"Buffy's desperate to see you," said Giles.

"No! I don't want to s….um……her to come," he said bluntly.

Giles didn't miss how he'd stumbled on the word 'see'.

"It's not fair to shut her out," replied Giles gently.

"Not just yet Giles, I just……it's……."

"Okay, Spike, okay, but you can't keep her away forever. She loves you."

Spike turned his head away, not trusting himself to speak. Part of him longed to see her but another part just couldn't see the point. She hadn't wanted him when he was strong and could look out for her so why should she want him now when he was the one needing looking after? He'd always been a bit chauvinistic. The memories he had of her showed them as a team fighting demons, saving the world.

"So tell me what happened," Giles coaxed.

Spike slowly, faltering over parts where Giles guessed he'd been beaten, told of the two vamps jumping him, waking up chained to a wall then being taken to the house they had found him in.

He told of the Immortal and the tiny icy cold room where the walls were so rough they'd cut him.

He asked for more water before he told Giles of his first encounter with Mr. Parker and his creatures.

"Same sort of thingy you used on me once," said Spike, showing his spirit hadn't been totally crushed.

"A Prokaryote?" asked Giles.

"No, this was a Eukaryote, I think. Same way of getting in but……" he hesitated.

"More painful," said Giles quietly. _"My God! Poor Spike! The creatures were evil causing terrific pain and damage," _he thought in alarm.

"Yeah, just a bit," said Spike dryly. "The thing is they said it'd be worse if I resisted. I tried to stop it eating my memories but I just couldn't give up Buffy without a fight, could I? But I got this 'cause of it," he gestured to his eyes, "and the bleeder still got my memories of her. Christ knows what it've done if it hadn't got them."

Giles suddenly knew why the damage was so extreme. He knew how the creatures worked. Spike must have successfully shielded the memories of Joy but then they were somehow lost to him too when the slug bored its way back through his mind. Now wasn't the time to mention the baby.

"What memories do you have of Buffy?" asked Giles.

"Patrolling with her, helping her out. That sort of thing."

"Any recent? Since you were human?"

"No, nothing."

"Spike, you do have to realise that you and Buffy have been living together for over a year. The cottage where you were kidnapped, that's your home."

"What? Me and Buffy? Really?" asked Spike incredulously.

"That's right, Spike. That's why she needs to see you," replied Giles.

"That bastard creature stole all that?"

"Seems like it, Spike. So do I go and get her?"

"No!" Spike's answer was almost a shout. "No," he repeated quietly, "Please not yet."

Again Giles agreed knowing how hard Buffy would take it.

"One thing to focus on, Spike, is that the blindness often isn't permanent. There's a chance you'll improve."

Spike didn't say anything, just gave a slight nod before telling him of the encounter with the Apala spider. He glossed over the details, just saying it hurt like hell and that it'd left a bloody great hole in his back, which Giles had obviously seen last night or day or whenever it bloody was.

"It was night, Spike. It's morning now - just after seven," said Giles.

"Well, the rest you know," finished Spike.

"Are you hungry? I know it's breakfast time but I think you're better off just with fluids for now. Can I get you some soup?"

"Thanks, Giles, I think I can have something and I want to get out of these pyjamas. They're not mine."

"Oh, how do you know that?" asked Giles, kicking himself as soon as he said it for being so thoughtless.

"'Cause I don't own any!" said Spike with a bit of a smile. He could picture the look on Giles' face as he said it.

"Um….er…well, I'll go and rustle up that soup," said Giles and he left.

As soon as he heard the door close Spike regretted not asking to be taken to the bathroom. He tried to remember where it was in relation to the bed. He pulled back the covers and stood up, gasping at the pain from his back wound. Very slowly he moved forward, arms outstretched. If he was right there should be a wall a few feet away. There was. He kept his right hand on it and gingerly felt his way around a corner and to the door of the en suite. Okay. The shower had been on the right so the toilet must be to the left. It was. He sat there feeling quite pleased with himself at successfully finding his way. Thank God he wouldn't have to ask for help for that.

He'd made his way back to the bed and was sitting on it when Giles reappeared with the soup. He'd put it in a mug thinking it would be easier to drink it rather than use a spoon.

Spike took it gratefully - his first proper meal in nearly a week. He also took the painkillers Giles produced.

"If you want to get out of those pyjamas we've got a track suit of Andrew's you can use. Your stuff is at the cottage," said Giles

"What colour is it?" asked Spike.

"It's black…er…..with …er…." stuttered Giles.

"Don't lie, Giles. What colour is it?" insisted Spike.

"It's sky blue with, well, with a pink stripe on the sleeves," said Giles.

"Okay," said Spike, "and what colour am I currently covered in?"

"They're not so bad…..they're red and green paisley patterned."

Spike started to laugh and Giles soon joined in. It was very odd seeing Spike in such garish colours.

"Giles, if you don't mind, I left some jogging pants and a t shirt in my locker in the changing room. God, it's weird that I can remember that but can't remember Buffy and me……." his voice trailed off as reality hit him like a ton of bricks.

Giles, sensing the world was closing in on Spike again, put a hand on his shoulder.

"Would you rather sit on the sofa than the bed? It's long enough if you need to lie flat out but you can put the TV on…I mean …I'll get a radio. Shit!" said Giles realising what he'd said.

"It's okay, Giles, the TV will be fine. Can still listen to it, can't I? No different to the radio," said Spike, saying it to make Giles feel better when all he felt was panic at the thought of life like this.

Giles led him around the room so he could get his bearings. Spike was grateful it was sparsely furnished, as he was trying to memorise where everything was. His limp was nearly as bad as it'd been when he came out of the hospital but it seemed irrelevant now.

After Giles had brought his clothes Spike told him to leave him alone. He said he didn't need him to spend all the time with him. Giles agreed because he knew Spike well enough to know that he had to work through things alone. He left a cell phone with him so he could call if he needed anything, other than that he'd be back with some lunch.

Spike lay back on the sofa going through his memories. He could clearly see in his mind's eye, Giles, Dawn, Willow, Andrew and Xander. Helen was there too, but Buffy…he could hardly see her face. He knew he loved her but just couldn't picture them together.

Oooooooooo

Giles went up and brought the others up to speed with what Spike had said. Buffy predictably had been devastated when Giles told her Spike didn't want to see her and was all set to go down there regardless, but the others managed to convince her to wait, at least for a few days, to let him settle in.

Willow went out of the sitting room where they'd all gathered and went to the library. She frantically pulled out the volumes she needed, got supplies from the drawers and started to mix a potion.

"I can fix this," she muttered as she worked.

However an hour later she gave up, for some reason the spells wouldn't be cast. Even when she isolated each of the things she was trying to correct in Spike they wouldn't work! She'd never known anything like it. All she could think of was that it was something to do with the Shanshu Prophecy. Disheartened she rejoined the others and told of her failure.

Oooooooooo

Xander, on hearing the report of Spike from Giles, knew exactly what he had to do. He needed to go back to London and help Spike through this. Of all of them he was the only one who could even start to think what Spike was going to deal with. Although he could still see, the loss of his left eye was something he'd taken a long time to come to terms with. Spike was always living on his emotions and he knew he'd find it hard to cope.

He told Giles he'd be there as soon as he could be. Helen had moved back to her own flat and was due to start back at work on desk duty in a few more days. He called over to see her and told her he was going back to London. She hugged him tight and kissed him on his cheek.

"Keep in touch." She told him.

Oooooooooo

The wound on Spike's back was healing well and the swelling around his eyes receding but there was no change in his vision. He still refused to see Buffy or anyone except Giles, nor had he left the room at all.

He was sitting on the sofa, the radio Giles had brought down for him tuned to a play, but he wasn't really listening to it. He just sat there. Alone. In the dark. Where he sat a beam of sunlight was streaming through the window and he could feel its warmth on his face.

There was a knock on the door and it swung open with the now familiar and irritating squeak.

"Giles?" asked Spike.

"Nope, it's me," said Xander.

"Thought you were in LA?" said Spike, immediately recognising his voice.

"I was. I just thought I'd come back and see how you're doing."

"I'm okay," said Spike.

"Bullshit!" replied Xander, "You're not okay, you're far from okay - just admit it."

"What do you know?" said Spike resentfully.

"Well, if you haven't forgotten, I've gone through half of what you have. Always did have to outdo everyone, didn't you?"

"Don't you dare say you know how I feel!" shouted Spike, "You can still bloody well see."

"True," said Xander, "but you're not totally helpless either." He goaded Spike further, knowing he needed Spike's temper to show to get him out of the depressive cycle he was in.

"Try wearing your patch on the other eye and see how easy things are!" yelled Spike.

"No reason for you not to shave. Trust me, Spike, you don't want to go for the bearded look."

"Kinda hard to shave when you can't see!"

"No excuse, Spike! For hundred and twenty odd years you didn't have a reflection, yet you still shaved. Same diff."

"You right bastard," said Spike quietly after a pause, realising Xander was right and knowing why he did it too.

"I know," said Xander cheerfully, "Now go get shaved. I've brought you an electric razor if you're still worried about cutting yourself."

Spike got up and walked to the bathroom, Xander giving him the rechargeable razor. He shaved carefully, making sure he hadn't missed any bristles. Like Xander said it's not like he hadn't had years of practice without a reflection and most of that time the only thing available was a cutthroat razor!

He walked back into the room, Xander noticing how he kept one hand on the wall until the other touched the sofa so he kept his bearings.

"That's better," said Xander.

"Okay, okay, give it a rest," said Spike.

"Will do. Come on," he replied.

"Come on where?" asked Spike.

"You're getting out of this room. Let's go sit in the garden - it's a beautiful day. It won't be long before it's winter so let's not miss this one."

"No, Xander. I can't bloody do it," protested Spike.

"Yes, you bloody well can," mocked Xander, in a very bad English accent.

"Don't worry, everyone else is up at Giles. It'll be just you and me. If you hold onto my arm you'll find it easier than if I hold onto you."

Spike stood there. If he just stayed in here he could convince himself it wasn't real, wasn't permanent, but in his mind if he ventured out it was like admitting this is what it would be like forever and he didn't want to do that.

"Come on, Spike! You can't just stay here. Don't give up," coaxed Xander.

"Okay," said Spike in a small voice.

Xander guided Spike's hand to his own elbow and off they went, taking it slowly. Xander told Spike when there were steps, and once out in the garden they sat on the bench.

Xander watched Spike carefully as they sat there. He saw him start to relax and not hold himself so tense anymore. He hoped this would be a turning point for Spike, that he'd let his friends back in.

Unseen by both men, on the third floor, Buffy was watching them through the window, little Joy in her arms. She'd been deeply saddened when Giles had told her of Spike's memory loss, not for herself but for Spike having lost the memories of his daughter's arrival in this world. He'd been so overcome with emotion, now he didn't even know she existed.

Xander walked inside with Spike but not to his room. He took him to the kitchen on the same floor as his room where the slayers eat their meals. Spike hadn't quibbled when Xander said where they were going, Xander correctly guessing that though he'd been reluctant at first Spike was glad to be out of his room and having some company.

"Now you sit there and I'll get you some proper food. A man can't survive on soup and sandwiches."

Spike said nothing, just visualised trying to eat and food flying all over the place. He needn't have worried - Xander prepared them both steak and fries, Spike's steak cut into bite size portions and the fries easily speared with a fork. No tricky peas or tomatoes to worry about. Spike tucked into it with relish.

"Thanks, Xander," said Spike when he finished, and they both knew it wasn't just the meal he was thanking him for.

"Mission accomplished," thought Xander.

To be continued...


	27. Chapter 27

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Two days later and Spike was up early. He tended to leave the radio on all night with the sound turned low, so that when he woke he'd soon know what time it was. He was showered, shaved and dressed in the clothes Xander had bought for him yesterday by 8:00 AM. As he'd shaved he'd felt round his eyes. The tenderness was almost gone and the swelling much less than before.

He'd told Xander what he wanted to do this morning and now he wished Xander would hurry up. He'd decided that if this was the way it was going to be he'd better just get on with it, short of killing himself, which seemed pretty ungrateful when he'd been given the gift of being made human. There wasn't anything else he could do.

So he'd decided to join the others in Giles' flat for breakfast, providing that Xander made sure he just got toast since it would be easy to cope with. Xander had said he'd get the others to come down to the kitchen on this floor but Spike was adamant and he told him not to tell the others, the last part mostly because he wasn't sure he wouldn't bottle out of doing it.

A knock, then Xander came in.

"Morning," he said cheerfully, "Ready?"

Spike nodded.

Xander saw him raise his chin and clench his jaw in the familiar way he had when he needed to psyche himself up a bit. Spike took hold of Xander's arm and they made their way up the three flights of stairs, and along the corridor to Giles' kitchen where they were starting to gather for breakfast.

Xander felt Spike pull on his arm as he hesitated slightly before stepping into the room.

"Spike!" Andrew saw him first, a look from Xander stopping him from rushing to hug him. Xander mouthed 'just be cool, act normal.'

"Morning, Spike. Sit yourself down, there's a stool a couple of feet in front of you," said Giles, his calm voice belying the delight that Spike had joined them.

Xander walked with Spike until he found the stool then went round the other side of the table so he could see Spike's face. He could read him like a book and if it got too much for him Xander intended on getting him out before it caused a setback.

"Morning," said Spike, wondering if everyone was here or just the men since no one else had spoken.

"Want some pancakes?" asked Dawn.

"Um…I .was just going to have toast," said Spike.

"Oh, come on!" said Dawn, "Toast? No way. I know you love pancakes."

"Okay," replied Spike, knowing how hard it was to change a Summers girl's mind.

Spike heard footsteps behind him then a gasp.

"Spike," said Buffy, holding Joy in her arms. She looked at Giles not knowing what to do.

Luckily Willow was behind her, took in the scene and quickly went to sit next to Spike, giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Good to see you, Spike," she said.

There was a pause when everyone realised what she'd said. Spike broke the silence.

"Look, just because I can't sodding see, doesn't mean that we can't use the bloody word. It's okay," and he realised that perhaps it was going to be.

"You're looking better than when I last saw you," said Buffy quietly.

"I hope so," replied Spike, "otherwise I would've put you off your food."

That broke the tension and everyone settled down to eat. Xander made sure Spike's pancakes were cut up and everyone laughed when Buffy asked Dawn if she'd ever grow out of eating with her fingers, making Spike feel less self conscious about feeling around his plate.

As everyone was eating Spike became aware of a sort of gurgling noise.

"What's that?" he asked.

Everyone went quiet.

"It's Joy," said Buffy.

"Joy? You said that the night you got me out. Who's Joy?" asked Spike.

This time Buffy told him.

"She's my baby daughter. Our baby daughter."

"But….? What…?" stammered Spike.

"I'm pretty sure she's what you fought to protect from the Eukaryote but in doing so ended up locking her memories away so you can't access them either," said Giles.

"How old?" whispered Spike.

"Three months," replied Buffy.

"Buffy, why don't you, Spike, and Joy go into the sitting room while we clear up?" said Giles, thinking it best for the three to be alone and, being just across the hall, it was the nearest.

Buffy helped Spike into the room and to the sofa. She sat next to him, Joy in her arms.

"Buffy…." Spike started to say.

"I know your memories of me are almost gone and the ones of Joy have gone completely but we're a family, Spike, and we need you," said Buffy, close to tears. "Here, hold her." She thrust the baby into his arms before he could answer.

Fascinated, he held Joy in the crook of his right arm, feeling his way all over her with his left hand, smiling when she gripped onto his finger with her tiny hand.

"I remember her smell," he said softly.

"Hope it's the clean baby smell you remember and not the 'I need changing right now' smell."

"Both," said Spike, his voice breaking a little, "She's real."

"She sure is," said Buffy.

She put her arm around him and started to cry as he relaxed into her. She put her head on his shoulder and he turned to kiss her on the neck, the only part he could reach.

"You do remember that you don't bite anymore?" joked Buffy through the tears.

Spike sat there with his two girls, somehow more able to come to terms with his blindness knowing that it hadn't been in vain. Knowing he'd protected his daughter.

Ooooooooooo

Buffy and Joy moved into the ground floor room with Spike as it was easier for him to stay in a familiar room. The new intake of slayers had been cancelled to give Spike the chance to recuperate and adjust without hordes of girls careening about the place.

About a month after Spike had been brought out of the clutches of the Immortal, he woke up in the night. He was thirsty so he went to get a glass of water from the en suite. He stood there facing the mirror above the sink drinking it as Buffy walked in behind him, turning on the overhead light. There was a sudden crash as the glass shattered in the sink.

"Ow!" cried Spike, bending forwards.

"Have you cut yourself?" said Buffy, going up to him. He had his hands over his eyes.

"No. The light! Turn it off!" he yelled.

She pulled the light cord as quickly as she could, returning the room to darkness.

"What is it, Spike? What's wrong?"

"The light - it hurt my eyes. It was too bright," replied Spike, taking his hands away from his eyes and turning to her.

"Can you….."

"See?" finished Spike. "I don't know. I just know I saw it and it hurt."

"Come out here. I'll put the bedside lamp on. It's not so bright."

Spike walked over to the bed and stood facing where he knew the lamp was.

"Ready?" she asked.

He nodded. She turned the light on.

This time it didn't hurt but he could see the light, not a distinct shape just light where it had been pitch black.

"Do you think……?"

"I don't know, Buffy. I can definitely make out where the light is but I can't see you."

"It's a start," said Buffy.

"Yes," said Spike, holding her close.

Ooooooooooo

Over the next week or so Spike became able to see more and more, first just being able to see light and dark, to vague shapes where people or furniture were. Then he was able to see things more accurately but the images were blurred and he began to suffer bad headaches from trying too hard to see through the double or triple vision.

He'd gone down to lay on the bed in the dark when he was suffering from one of these headaches, knowing the only way to ease it was to rest his eyes. He dozed for a while waking up as someone entered the room, the squeak of the door giving them away. He heard the footsteps and knew it was Buffy checking up on him.

"Spike?" she said gently as she sat on the bed, "How are you feeling now? Any better?"

He opened his eyes, closed them quickly then opened them again.

"Buffy?" he said.

"What? Are you ok? Still sore?"

"God, you're beautiful," he replied, a big smile splitting his face.

"I'm……You can see? Properly see?"

"Yes I can! I'd forgotten how beautiful you are."

"Sweet talker," joked Buffy in delight.

They hugged and kissed then Spike got up.

"Come on! I need to see Joy."

They went up to the apartment where Willow and Dawn had been looking after Joy. Buffy had to steady Spike occasionally as he wasn't able to judge things like the stairs without concentrating. Ironically if he closed his eyes he didn't miss a step. They walked into the sitting room - it was bathed in light.

"Hey, Niblet, those earrings are pretty," said Spike with a smile.

"My earrings…? You can see them? Wow, that's great!" she exclaimed, rushing over to hug him.

"Yeah, I can see clearly, no more blurriness." He hugged her tight.

When he let go of her he looked at Willow who sat holding Joy. She stood up and gave him the baby. Spike looked down at his baby for what seemed like the first time ever, his vision blurring again, but this time it was just with tears, tears of joy at seeing his daughter.

To be concluded in the next chapter...


	28. Chapter 28

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Not surprisingly, Spike didn't want to return to live at the cottage so it was decided that Buffy, Giles and Andrew would go and pack up their belongings and bring everything back to London. They'd use their current room for now. They had joked with Xander that he was only leaving to get out of helping with the move. He had left for LA the day before. He was going to join the staff at the LA branch of the Watchers Council.

Spike had tried to use some of the gym equipment in the training room in an effort to get fitter but the wound to his back had left him with weakened strength in his back and legs. Add to that the further damage he'd suffered to his left leg and he knew he wouldn't be running anywhere again. He hated not being strong. He knew he was lucky to be alive, lucky to have Buffy and Joy, and lucky to have regained his vision, but he wanted more.

An idea he'd had for a while turned into a plan when Buffy, Giles and Andrew were going to be away for a few days at the cottage. He approached Willow, who took some convincing, but finally agreed to help.

Dawn wasn't included in Spike's plan so he and Willow made up a cover story of important research that explained why they were huddled together in the library. It was mostly true anyway as before Spike put his plan into action he needed Willow's expertise to make sure they knew exactly what would happen and what they needed.

"Spike, I need that volume of Lantes Compendium from the end bookcase. Can you get it for me please? I just want to finish this bit I'm working on first," said Willow.

"Yeah, no worries."

Spike got up and went to get it. Willow, seeing him limp slowly over to the other side of the room, could understand why he was willing to take the risk. He'd always been so athletic, even with carrying the limp in his left leg since being made human. But the damage the Immortal had done meant his gait now resembled that of a very old man, which technically he was, but it pained her to see him like that and she knew how frustrating he found it. She wished her spells would have worked but despite trying again when Spike first approached her with his plan, they still had no effect.

Finally they were ready. Spike and Willow armed themselves with weapons and went on the hunt.

"It's the first time I've patrolled since being made human," said Spike.

They walked along, knowing that Spike's slow limping pace and Willow being female made them good bait for the trap they were setting, but equally they had to be careful that they did manage not just to end up victims.

Hearts racing they walked along the dark alley, eyes scanning for trouble. Suddenly a vampire leapt out in front of them. He wasn't particularly tall and was of slight build, probably in his late teens when he was turned. Perfect, as long as he was alone.

The vampire seemed a bit put out that neither Willow nor Spike had screamed when they saw him, so he tried a growl and lunged for Willow. Spike, crossbow at the ready, fired a bolt into the vampire's leg.

"Ow!" he cried, "What the hell?"

He looked at Willow, who was holding a stake, pointing it at him with as much malice as she could muster. He started to back off, not liking the odds of two well-armed people against just him.

"Oh no you don't, mate," said Spike, raising the crossbow again, this time pointing it at the vampire's heart. "Another step and you're dust. Got a little proposition for you. It does mean you have to come with us but since the alternative is me letting Red here loose with her pointy stick I think you'll agree to it," said Spike with a sneer.

"No way am I coming with you," said the vamp, preferring to take his chances by running away.

He hadn't gone more than a few steps when he was showered with a glittery green powder that Willow had thrown on him. He collapsed unconscious.

"Useful stuff," said Spike dryly, as the pair dragged the vampire to the van parked just around the corner.

"Thank God he wasn't any bigger," gasped Willow as they heaved him in the back.

Back at the Council they drove the van into the underground car park and manhandled the vampire into one of the cells - something all Watchers Council buildings have, just in case! They chained him to the wall by his wrists and Willow showered him again with the powder to reverse the spell.

He came to his senses quickly, leaping to his feet and tugging at the chains but he soon realised he was trapped.

"So what's the proposition then?" he asked, guessing if they'd wanted to kill him they would have done by now.

"Thing is we want you to bite me," said Spike, "You're going to turn me into a vampire and then you can go."

"Why would I do that?" replied the vampire.

"Simple," said Willow, "You either do it or you die and we find someone else who will."

"Don't tell me you haven't sired anyone before? Just my bleeding luck to pick up a sodding virgin," jeered Spike.

"Oh, yeah? What do you know about it anyway?" asked the vampire.

"Ever heard of William the Bloody?" asked Spike.

"Yeah, what vampire hasn't? He's a hero, well was 'til he got dusted in LA a while back. Why?"

"You're looking at him," said Willow, indulging Spike in his bragging.

"No way! What do you think I am? He's bloody human!"

"Yeah, well see, therein lies my problem. I didn't get dusted, I got turned human instead. I'm a bit bored of it now so I want to get back to how I should be. How many have you sired then?"

"Ten, at least ten," said the vampire.

Willow and Spike just stared at him.

"Okay, okay. Four, alright?"

Willow and Spike looked at each other. Spike gave a small nod indicating that this one would do. It had been important not to have someone who hadn't done this before as it's a fine line between draining enough blood for someone to turn and killing them outright.

Willow approached the vampire with a needle and syringe.

"What's that for?" He asked in alarm.

"We need some of your blood in case you change your mind halfway through and just try to kill him. Then I'd have to stake you," said Willow, "Now hold still or I'll have to use another spell."

"No way will I try to kill him! The chance to re-sire Spike, the legend that is William the Bloody! As long as you'll let me be in your gang, God, it'll be an honour."

"Still," said Spike, "humour the little witch for me. She likes to be methodical. Course you'll be in my gang! Sire's privileges and all."

Getting blood out of someone whose heart doesn't beat isn't that easy but Willow managed to get enough after a few attempts.

"Hope you're feeling peckish," said Spike, approaching the vampire and turning his head to expose his jugular vein.

The vamp hesitated for a second then put on his vampire face and sank his teeth into Spike with relish.

"_Christ,"_ thought Spike_, "That sodding hurts!"_

He started to lose consciousness. The vampire lowered himself down, still drinking Spike's blood as his body reached the floor. At the crucial time he bit his own wrist and put it to Spike's lips. He drank some of the vampire's blood before passing out completely - well, dying would be more accurate.

The vampire stood up and looked at Spike as he lay on the ground.

"So what now? Do we wait for him to turn then get out of here?"

"No, you're getting out of here now," said Willow.

"But he said I could be in his gang," protested the vampire.

"Thing is, William the Bloody always lies," replied Willow as she rammed her stake into his heart.

She choked slightly on the dust and felt guilty since he'd done what they had asked but there was no way he could be released. She looked down at Spike. She knelt by his body and felt for a pulse – none. She put the chains on his wrists and went out of the cell, locking the door behind her.

"I hope this bit works as planned," she said to herself. She'd know by morning.

ooooooo

At six am she was back at the cell, coming down before Dawn or Joy surfaced. She pulled back the observation shutter and peered in. Spike was laid exactly as she'd left him.

"God no!" she cried, "It didn't work. He's dead!"

She opened the door as quickly as she could and bent down to reach out and touch Spike. He suddenly jumped up snarling in full vamp mode. Willow squealed and fell backwards landing on her butt.

"God! Sorry, Red. I just couldn't resist," said Spike, offering a hand to help her up, his grin a bit toothier than normal as he still had his vamp face on.

She took his hand, got up then kicked him, hard.

"Not funny!" she yelled.

Spike de-vamped his face.

"Sorry. I heard you coming for ages, could smell you. I'd been pretty bored and it seemed a good idea when I thought it," said Spike sincerely.

"'S'okay, suppose it was kinda funny," agreed Willow.

Part one was complete. Spike was now back to being a vampire with a soul. She'd double checked the prophecy and found, as Andrew had, that Spike's soul was safe. Her expert digging had turned up something that Andrew hadn't found. The fact that if Spike was bitten by his original sire, Drusilla, then the prophecy would be forfeit and his soul and humanity lost. Other than that the prophecy appeared to be a perpetual one, basically insisting Spike keeps his soul and stays human and according to Willow's calculations that part would kick in soon and Spike would revert to being human within a few days.

The tricky part now was not to let Dawn know Spike was a vampire and they both hoped the prophecy would kick in before the others returned as neither fancied facing Buffy's reaction if it hadn't.

Spike held his hands out for Willow to unlock the chains. She hesitated for a moment before she did, checking psychically that his soul was intact. It was so she released him.

"So how do you feel?" she asked.

"Absolutely terrific and I'm starving! You did remember the blood, didn't you?" said Spike gleefully.

The power he could feel coursing through him – God, he'd forgotten how good it felt to be a vampire.

"Ew! Yes, I remembered. It's in the fridge in the kitchen near your room," she replied, "But what I meant was, how's your leg? Your back? Did it work?"

Spike took a few steps. There was no sign of a limp and he could feel no pain or weakness in his back. He went out of the cell and ran along the corridor as fast as he could. He ran back to Willow and picked her up, spinning her round and round until they both collapsed laughing. It had worked.

So far so good. Luckily the day was one of those particularly grey and dull days that London can have in the fall so Spike didn't have too much trouble avoiding sunlight when Dawn was about. He made sure to not let her see his limp was gone. He helped with Joy, delighting in her. All at once there was a sharp stab of pain in his head.

"Ow, ow!" He put Joy down fearing he'd drop her.

Willow was there in an instant. Was something going wrong?"

"Bleeding hell," said Spike, wondering where that had come from, then they hit him - all the locked away memories of Joy, her birth, the first time he'd held her, taking her home, they all came flooding back. It was one side effect they'd never even thought about.

"I can remember her, Red, from before. The memories have come back."

"That's fantastic!" said Willow.

Ooooooooooo

The next morning Spike woke and walked into the bathroom, a quick glance at the mirror confirming what he already knew. No reflection, still a vampire.

"Oh well," he thought, "Least if I stay a vampire I'm strong enough to protect my girls their whole lives."

Later that day Buffy phoned to say they'd be back that evening rather than the next day as planned as the work was done and she was missing Spike and Joy like mad.

"Looks like we might have to face the music, Red," said Spike as he told her the news.

"You can do the talking and I'll just do the standing behind you nodding part," said Willow, wondering what Buffy would think.

Ooooooooooooo

Spike thought he'd better have that night's ration of pigs' blood before Buffy and the others got home. Funny how it looked disgusting when human but delicious when a vamp, he thought with a chuckle. As a vampire he could eat other foods but only blood would actually nourish him.

He'd just washed the cup up when he heard them pull up outside in the van. He ran along the corridor and had the door open before they'd even got out of it, another plus for enhanced vampire senses.

"Spike," called Buffy, "Did you see us coming?"

"Yeah," he lied as he walked over to the van where Buffy, Giles and Andrew were starting to unload boxes. Intent on their tasks no one noticed Spike as he walked towards them. Buffy turned to put a heavy box on the floor and almost dropped it. Spike caught it.

"Here, let me get it," he said.

"But Spike, it's too heavy for you. Your back," said Buffy, then she stood there open mouthed as he effortlessly took it from her and carried it up the steps and into the hall.

He put it down and looked at Buffy, smiling broadly, head tilted slightly to one side.

"Spike, your limp? What's happened?"

"I'll give you the details later, love, but I'm cured! Limp's gone. I even got my memories of Joy back!"

He ran down the steps, hugged her tight and kissed her.

"Hey!" she cried, "You're cold." She pulled herself out of his grip. "What the hell is going on?"

"_So much for having Red's back up," _thought Spike, Willow wisely was nowhere to be seen.

"Well, thing is, to get better, first I had to get worse," he said, changing into his vampire face as he spoke.

"Bloody hell, woman!" he added as Buffy punched him in the face.

He looked up to see Giles and Andrew brandishing stakes.

"He's gone evil!" yelled Andrew.

"No, I bleeding haven't!" Spike yelled back but not convincing him as he forgot he was still in vamp mode and accidentally did growl a bit. "I've still got my soul," he added sheepishly.

All three of them stood looking at him. He de-vamped and said to them,

"I'm sorry, bit of fun is all."

"Not the best idea you've ever had," replied Buffy.

Spike looked at her, his remorse written all over his face.

"Okay, so you're not evil but when I left you were human and now you sure aren't," she said sternly, "Let's get inside and then you owe us all some answers."

They decided to leave the rest of the stuff in the van for now so Giles drove it to the garage and Buffy, Andrew and Spike went in. Spike noticed Andrew still held his stake.

"Andrew, I'm really sorry, mate, especially after you helped me get out from the Immortal's place. Bad move. I'll watch your Farscape DVDs with you if you like?"

Andrew's face lit up at that. Usually only Xander would watch his favourite shows with him.

"It's okay," he said, " but you bring the snacks."

They went up to the sitting room and waited until everyone was gathered there before Spike told them what he and Willow had done. Dawn was furious to have been kept in the dark but did realise it'd been done to protect her just in case anything had gone wrong.

"We were just hoping it would've kicked in by now and I'd be back to being human before you got back," he finished.

"Spike, you know I didn't love you any less for being injured like you were, don't you?" said Buffy.

"Yeah, I know, Buffy sweetheart, but to be honest I did it for me. I hated not being able to run, to lift you up or the thought of not being able to play with Joy when she's older. I need to know I can protect my family whether you want me to or not."

"So when will it happen? What if it doesn't?"

"I'm not sure. You may have to get used to having a younger looking man in your life when you've gotten old," joked Spike.

He got a glare in return. He looked over at Willow with a 'help me out here' look on his face. She duly obliged.

"Buffy, it will happen, certainly within the next couple of days. I triple checked everything before we went ahead. When do I ever get research wrong?" she said, realising now wasn't the time to be modest.

"It better," said Buffy seriously.

She looked at Spike.

"I prefer my lovers more than room temperature these days." Then she grinned at him. She couldn't stay mad at him for long.

To make up for scaring them, Spike made everyone dinner.

Ooooooooooo

It was two nights later when it happened. Spike and Buffy were asleep. Spike woke up. Something felt very strange, very wrong. He felt he was suffocating, which was weird since vampires don't need to breathe. He sat up, hands at his throat, panic rising in him.

Suddenly he felt a sort of thump in his chest and felt his heart start to beat, literally feeling the blood start to course through his veins. He gasped, as he took in a deep lungful of air as he started to breathe. He felt a bit nauseous and light headed. He was glad he'd been unconscious the first time this had happened, as it was a most peculiar feeling even when he knew what must have been happening.

But had the plan worked? Was his body still healed? His back was hurting. Damn! Then he realised he'd been holding himself rigid throughout the transformation. He relaxed and the pain disappeared. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. A couple of steps later and he had his answer. It had worked - his injuries were no more!

He no longer felt as powerful as he had as a vampire. He knew he wouldn't but as he stood there in the bathroom looking at his reflection he felt stronger than he ever had as a human and that was more than good enough.

Smiling, he walked back and got into bed. He'd pulled some of the covers off Buffy as he'd got up and in her sleep she was trying to find them. Spike snuggled up to her, pulling the covers over both of them.

"Mm, you're nice and warm," said Buffy sleepily.

"Yeah, I am, pet," said Spike.

She woke up properly as she realised she'd felt his warm breath on her cheek, something she'd missed these last couple of nights.

"It happened," she said.

"It happened," he agreed.

Joy woke up and started to cry. Spike got out of bed and picked her up. After a few seconds she stopped crying -she always was a daddy's girl. He took her back to the big bed and as he sat there, arms round each of his girls he thought things couldn't get better.

Once Joy was back to sleep, he gently placed her back in her cot and rejoined Buffy in bed.

"We're a proper family, Buffy," he said, kissing her passionately.

"It's just perfect," said Buffy, responding to her lover's kisses ardently.

Spike pulled Buffy under the covers to show her how fit a human he really was!

Ooooooooooooo

A train pulled up at London's King's Cross station. It was the last train of the night and few passengers got off. A tall striking dark haired woman dressed unusually in a long flowing dark red dress and black coat stepped down from the furthest carriage. She carried a small doll under her arm.

"Well, Miss Edith," said Drusilla, "Home Sweet Home."

**THE END**


End file.
